If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Abscence makes the blog grow longer...and the heart fonder too.

So, we are in week three of my husband's training schedule. Week three of chaos being the new normal. I thought I had post a few weeks ago that I had a blog topic rattling around my brain but I just couldn't string the words together to get sentences. That was week one, the content is richer but unfortunately, my brain is feeling a bit overwhelmed.

When he was one hundred miles away, it really wasn't any less rough. There is something though about that distance. It's manageable. Well, manageable in that we can meet halfway for dinner about midweek. Manageable in that it's a city and town I have been to and through and it just doesn't seem like a big deal.

Now, he traveled with his old job but this training rotation is such a different beast. This week marks the longest number of consecutive days that we have ever been apart...since we met. It makes me smile a bit because it reminds me of being a teenager and having similar thoughts about shorter time frames. I know that it seems really weird to a lot of people that since we met this marks the first solid week we have ever been apart.  It is what it is. Some people just hit it off I guess, and next thing you know they are hundreds of miles apart. She's listening to heavy rotation of sad sap songs and blogging about it while he does his homework and his own ironing.  Seriously, when I got off the phone with him a bit ago that was why.

I thought I really missed him the first week, even drove all the way out to see him. The first week reminded me of a few things, like how much things had changed in our marriage over the last six months. Lord, then I watched Marriage Retreat on NetFlix and that really through me for one. But ultimately by the end of the first week, I was okay. Full of gratitude and okay.

Week two, no biggie. We Skyped a couple of times. Did dinner. We all survived...intact.

Week three, started a day earlier than the other weeks and involves two time zones. His internet is sketchy, so there's been no video chatting. He calls every break he has during the day to try keep in touch with our son. Texting is sporadic. He missed a birthday. I'm tired. I'm cranky. I just want to cry. I am not sleeping well because honestly our bed sucks and without him to be my counterbalance I can't get comforable...and he's snuggly. I have got roughly 48 more hours of this and it will truly be by the grace of God that I make it because I feel quite defeated, quite lonely, and so uncertain about how in the world these next few weeks of this training schedule is going to pan out.

I started the night just listening to my Pandora quickmix but that went horrible wrong when a Cure song came on. As I type this, I have clicked my way through YouTube video to "Come Undone" by Duran Duran. I kinda wish I had heard that first, instead of "There Is No If" by The Cure.  From "There Is No If" I started clicking though the suggested videos. I could have chosen any of them, but this one is the only one that 100% fits my head and my heart without bringing on the waterworks.

Maybe by the time this is all over I will be able to cover that topic that has now been on the back burner since week one and completely nail it. Assuming I haven't fallen completely apart by then.

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