If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Friday, October 26, 2012

Maybe how you land isn't as important as where you land

Kitty coloring page from http://www.raisingourkids.com
How are you this fine rainy Friday?

So, if you don't know, yesterday, I arrived at work and my badge had been disabled. Apparently, all the temp contracts had been cancelled. I commented on Facebook that I was going to be the cat who lands on her feet.

It may have been adrenaline or denial talking, I am not sure. I don't feel so sleek and cat-like this afternoon. I feel quite a bit like my old dog the day he got so scared of a thunderstorm he got his head stuck in between steps trying to escape. Fearful and erratic are never a good combination.

Ironically, I got asked to come back to that job this morning in an email...but under completely different hours and days. I appreciate that I was referred to as a superstar, but if you remember I am also a diva, so I politely declined. In all truthfulness, the schedule just wouldn't work for me and my hardcore wife and mother lifestyle. So, yay I am a superstar!

I also had an interview this morning. Just picture me with an exasperated I can't really say nothing nice face shaking my head. They could have asked me those questions over the phone and save me the trip downtown. I am a little salty I overfed the meter but I do hope someone pulled and was able to reap that small victorious feeling one gets when they find a meter with a lot of time left on it.

I am completely lacking in the motivation to do anything right now. It's Friday. I don't want to work too hard. Plus, I'd be better off to wait 'til Monday to look again at the job postings anywhere. I don't even know where to start with the housework as I do not currently own a good flame-thrower. I've got a kid home sick. It's cold. It's rainy. Headache. Shoulder pain. Whine. Pffft. Sigh.

The only thing I know for sure is that I am making chicken tacos tonight. It's the only thing I am excited about right now. I want to make 'em with all the accouterments. Chicken. Cheese. Beans. Onions. Olives. Peppers. I want a whole little taco bar on my table.

I feel like I am in a bit of a free fall. I am not devastated about the job, but it is an inconvenience.I sort of had a suspicion that we were just pawns in a game. I am making contacts, so it's only a matter of time before I find something...or nothing. As long as things are taken care of, it's not a big deal. So right now, yeah, it's a pretty big deal with my husband and I alternatingly flipping out. If we can keep out meltdowns on an alternate schedule we won't completely lose it.

I am alright with the free fall if I land where I should be. I don't care if it's on all fours with the grace of a cat. I've never been all that graceful. No one talks about your perfect landings anyway. Also, I wouldn't want to bounce right back if where ever I bounce is just a shinier version of where I came from. I can  make a mean shredded chicken, and if I have to chose between a smooth landing and the tacos...I'll take the tacos.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

I am no one in particular and I approved this message

I can not wait until Election Day. (Mental note: move from a swing state before 2016.)

I had shared this on my personal Facebook page. Not necessarily because it bears repeating, but honestly I am surrounded by people on a daily basis that are of a different...er...um...opinion, yeah, opinion than me.
There are a very limited number of people that I will openly discuss politics with. I, like the Victorians, do not deem politics to be polite dinner conversation. Personally, and this is just my opinion, it is...in the grand scheme of things...irrelevant. Life goes on. It really does. I mean, in all my voting life. My vote has never counted. My candidate has never won. My voting pattern has changed because I have changed. In all but the first presidential election I could vote in, my vote was a dud.

Ironically, although I say my voting pattern has changed, if you trace my voting history back to the Weekly Reader polls of grade school fame, one might say I have returned to my roots. It's just an observation. I am not a card-carrying member of any political organization. I am on the books in my great state registered as a third-party supporter. By the next primary, who knows what I'll be!

It's ugly out there. It really is. I have on more than one occasion feigned that I was contemplating becoming a Jehovah's Witness because they are not politically minded. Plus, with all my direct sales experience I'd be a pro at bothering people with what I am selling. (In his biography, Dave Mustaine, who was raised Jehovah's Witness, likened it to something of a MLM-type of religion.) In all seriousness, I get the whole not of this world ideal that fuels that non-voting behavior. I have a lot more respect for that then the disgruntled "the system is flawed, man" non-voters. So, I guess, in some reality I am only half-joking about joining up.

I have been spending a lot of time with people who do not view the world as I do, and it just makes me sad. I have come to realize that if you dropped out or mentally checked out of high school before 12th grade then you have completely missed the economics/civics/government portion of your education (such as it is). I can do pretty well with numbers 1 and 2 above, but number 3...wooooowheeeeeeeeeeee!

So, now, I do what I always do when I don't want to offend or wound, I offer this distraction: THE WORLD'S SMALLEST POLITICAL QUIZ. When I first took this quiz, I think I was 22 or so, and was surprised at the results. Surprised and resistant, but as my other friend's who took it felt it was "dead-on" I explored what exactly my result meant. I re-take this periodically, for fun...yes, I am just that weird...and my result as shifted as I have aged but I am no longer surprised.

See, and that's the thing about your political views, they are shaped by your experience. My experience has been a boot-strapping good-time for lack of a better explanation. I am not hard-hearted, I am just a bitch that knows that nothing is impossible if you work for it. On a statistical basis, I believe I should be typing to you from a trailer/meth lab. And past that, really, there is a lot of my human experience, that I am not comfortable sharing with other people. Too many ravenous wolves ready to shred and discredit your life into a string of juvenile diatribes.

I'll be glad when the election is over. I don't really care at this point which way it goes because of the two options that are in the mainstream, I am not really sure they are the answer or solve anything. I, also, I don't know, I don't worry about all that. I really don't. Life goes on. Like I said, in all but one of the presidential elections that I have voted in, my candidate lost. It was disappointing for a day or two or four years, but the sum total of it's effect on my life is really negligible.

Variety is the spice of life. It's unfortunate that too many of us are giant children about it all and lose sight of the things that are important in life. Truthfully, I can not control the political climate any more than I can the weather, so why waste my life worrying about whether or not it's going to rain!

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Happy Birthday..to me!

Cupcakes from Ashley's...yum...however, not my cupcakes...boo!
I don't believe that I have ever written a birthday post to myself.

So, today is my third twelfth birthday plus one.   Yeah, hmm, what to say what to say.

First, those cupcakes on the left were my daughter's "sweet sixteen" cupcakes. So, I will not be enjoying their deliciousness today. I do not know what this birthday has in store for me besides my husband's mention of taking me to Figlio. That excites me because I do like the ambiance there and the food is good. It's been awhile since I've been there, so this is good.

Being 12 x 3 + 1 is just odd. I don't know, there is that whole line of I always thought that I would have really done so much more, something different, not sucked as much...by now. I have three years until anyone actually cares about my birthday. Of course, by cares, I mean it's is a birthday milestone in which people will come out of the woodwork with death imagery and snarky comments about my tits. Just sayin'

I still think hands down, my sixteenth birthday is winning the best birfday ever award, and the includes the clogged toilet fiasco. And really, that's just because I can't remember what age I was on other super awesome occasions. The first would be when Alice took me to Joker's and then we met up with my brother at Therapy. Another would be with my brothers that fateful night when The Right Corner was apparently wrong and we spent some much needed bonding time at Southern Belle. You know it's a good time when three grown adults pull up to their parents house a little before 5a and are freaked out because the old man will be getting up for work and their will be hell to pay. Then, there's birthday 2006, I went to Red Lobster with this dude I'd been seeing for about a week. He brought me a rose but then the end of the night was kind of weird. If he hadn't married me, would I remember it as well? Oh and then as married folks going to Funny Bone and getting my cup autographed...not that anyone will believe me since Josh Blue did the signing and CP has a funny way of looking like anyone could do it.  Those are just a couple, but really I have tons of wonderful birthday memories. Oh, and then my surprise party last year

If it wasn't for my friends and family, I would just let this day go by. I know people might now believe it but if it were just me I probably would do nothing. I am just not that into myself. I want to be, but I just can't do it.

I have always tried not to get bogged down by my numbers. Lately though, I have been keenly aware of my mortality and it really doesn't help. Keenly aware of where I have and haven't been. Cognizant of the fact that realistically I could be a grandma in the next five years. And somehow, in all of these notions, painfully aware of all I have not done.

Crazy, crazy birthdays. I have oft wondered if mine didn't hit so close before the busy holidays if I could be less existential about them. My birthday has always been the gateway to the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's always been birthday, Halloween, chaos.

Soo, woooo, happy birthday to me! May it always, ALWAYS be on Boss's or Sweetest Day, and may it always seem somewhat awkward and anti-climatic.

I know, I suck. But it's my birthday, so boo ya!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Okay, so, I am still not back on track but hey...

Art by Lisa Patrick Wright.
Photo by Daniel Reibert.
So, yeah, still completely widdershins in all aspects of life. I have been chipping away at the house, the laundry, the dishes today but honestly it feels like I have to accept this as the new normal.

It's not entirely true. We've had some interesting issues the past week that have caused a huge backlog of dirty dishes. I heart an older house, I really do. I, however, do not heart plumbing issues. That seems to be the flavor of the month here. First, it was the upstairs toilet. Then, the downstairs sink. And finally, at least it damn well better be the final thing, we had to replace the water heater at our rental. Fun. Fun.

In the meantime, the job I switched to took all of one shift to get on my last nerve and all of two to stay there. No worries, I already have something else lined up. I am starting to feel like there should be some Quantum Leap rip-off voice-over with me and jobs: Theorizing that one could find a job that didn't suck in her own lifetime, Jenny Wolfe hopped in her car, accelerated and took a right at the Speedway. She arrived at her job assignment to find herself trapped in a position, facing mistakes that were not her own and driven by an unknown force to change her resume for the better...and hoping each time that the next leap will be the leap home. 

Not ungrateful, not moaning, complaining...it's just not for me. It has nothing to do with the post last week about the person whom I pray I never actually run into and everything to do with perhaps finally seeing that maybe I haven't wanted enough for myself. Granted, this next leap, is into something seasonal and manual but at least it buys me some time. Time for what, I don't know. It's complicated.

So, if you remember, I had posted a couple of time about the SK8 of the Art show to benefit The Dayton Skatepark Project. The closing show was this past weekend and I am pleased to report that one of my raffle tickets was a winner! I won the board that was designed and painted by Lisa Patrick Wright. Definitely a bright spot in some of the ickiness of the past several days.

I don't know which way to go. I have ideas and whatnot, but execution is proving tricky. I am tired, tired enough that I lack the motivation to do the things I like...like this blog and the enpde stuff...and I hate that because not being motivated to be happy is--um, well, it's one of those warning signs. I guess today, I am going to leap back into getting this laundry folded and just see what unfolds after that. Maybe it's just not time for me to fully unleash my awesomeness on the world or maybe I am not as awesome as I previously thought. At any rate, I am okay with it either way. I just need to know which way so I can get a decent night sleep.


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Sk8 of the Art: Closing Show 10/13/12

You may remember that I posted about the Sk8 of the Art Show a couple of weeks back. The closing show is this weekend at 7pm (I think) atDecoy - art boutique - studio, 1277 N Fairfield Rd., Beavercreek, Ohio, 45432

I didn't make the opener but the pictures look like I missed a good time. I should be at the closer, unless my extreme slackerness gets the better of me.  

Connect with them online at https://www.facebook.com/thedaytonskateparkproject

Monday, October 8, 2012

When I Was Cruel...

One day last week, I woke up with this insane urge to listen to "Spooky Girlfriend" by Elvis Costello. If you know me at, this is actually normal behavior. I believe that 90% of my brain capacity is lyrics.

As luck would have it, I own When I Was Cruel, so I dug it out and have now been some what obsessively listening to it for about a week now.  The song above is fully titled "When I Was Cruel, No. 2" After all the fuss about "Spooky Girlfriend", it was actually "When I Was Cruel, No. 2" that I started the CD off with. (Yes, CD because I don't have time or desire to rip my CDs.)

Now, I have owned this CD since it came out in 2002. It was a first round purchase, meaning I didn't wait 'til I happened to find it at Second Time Around. I don't make many purchases like that. I have the vaguest recollection of listening to it solid for several weeks. And why wouldn't I?

As luck would have it, I attended a wedding recently and some of the imagery in the song struck me as scene's from this wedding. Now, ten years ago, I probably loved this song purely on craftsmanship. There's nothing really in these lyrics that would have resonated with me then...the way it does now.

I only share this with you folks because today I saw someone whom I'd rather not see in any way, shape, form, business, pleasure, whatever. I think that the obsession with this album was some cosmic preparation for that glimpse. See, this person whom I would rather not see or hear or speak to or about...apparently works at the same place that I am currently on a temp assignment.

I kept thinking about how much I have changed. How the "cruel" Jenny would have reacted. I had texted my husband the discovery, and he immediately texted back to ask if that meant I would be quitting. It's not a joke, he knows me when with this person. It's a big place. It's not a big deal...as long as I never have to actually interact with this person. It is what it is. I don't know that it could ever change because there's such a cataclysmic breech of trust that---yeah, I probably wouldn't believe this person if they walked up and told me their name.

Life was easier when I was cruel. I miss it sometimes. It's so much easier than this alternative. All this work. Geesh!

So in my most cryptic moment to date, I'd like to dedicate "Alibi" to Ms. Jackson, I am for real because "I love you as much as I hate your guts" Sorry friends, some things just are what they are and will always be...
You know I never had a pony either, but I turned out okay. Go figure!

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Super Slacker Update

Yeah, as of thirty seconds ago, I declared myself to be Super Slacker. I have fifteen minutes until I leave for work and I have been "wasting" it reading another blog: The Church of No People. The last couple of posts there really resonate with me right now. Timely in a personal way, I guess.

Super Slacker fits, even though admittedly, the slack is derived from this wacky schedule I have been working the past month or so. I usually have two hours in the morning to get things done. That's really not a lot of time. Then, on the back end, I come home, eat, spend sometime with the fam and find myself going to bed. Now, if I were on a 9to5 schedule, the time I go to bed on this schedule would equate to going to bed sometime between Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.  It's less than favorable. Nothing gets done and come to think of it I do miss me some Jeopardy!

Only a few more days and I am switching everything, company, schedule, and hopefully attitude. Despite all of my delusions of slack and lack, I have learned over the past several weeks a lot of things about myself that I don't even have time to post right now.

I have a bunch of work doodles for retooling the site a bit. I can only be me. I only really want to be me, and so I have to trim a few things. I am excited. I just need to bushwhack the safari that my house has become and a few other "housekeeping" sort of things before I get back to blogging.

Have a happy Tuesday!