If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Monday, October 8, 2012

When I Was Cruel...

One day last week, I woke up with this insane urge to listen to "Spooky Girlfriend" by Elvis Costello. If you know me at, this is actually normal behavior. I believe that 90% of my brain capacity is lyrics.

As luck would have it, I own When I Was Cruel, so I dug it out and have now been some what obsessively listening to it for about a week now.  The song above is fully titled "When I Was Cruel, No. 2" After all the fuss about "Spooky Girlfriend", it was actually "When I Was Cruel, No. 2" that I started the CD off with. (Yes, CD because I don't have time or desire to rip my CDs.)

Now, I have owned this CD since it came out in 2002. It was a first round purchase, meaning I didn't wait 'til I happened to find it at Second Time Around. I don't make many purchases like that. I have the vaguest recollection of listening to it solid for several weeks. And why wouldn't I?

As luck would have it, I attended a wedding recently and some of the imagery in the song struck me as scene's from this wedding. Now, ten years ago, I probably loved this song purely on craftsmanship. There's nothing really in these lyrics that would have resonated with me then...the way it does now.

I only share this with you folks because today I saw someone whom I'd rather not see in any way, shape, form, business, pleasure, whatever. I think that the obsession with this album was some cosmic preparation for that glimpse. See, this person whom I would rather not see or hear or speak to or about...apparently works at the same place that I am currently on a temp assignment.

I kept thinking about how much I have changed. How the "cruel" Jenny would have reacted. I had texted my husband the discovery, and he immediately texted back to ask if that meant I would be quitting. It's not a joke, he knows me when with this person. It's a big place. It's not a big deal...as long as I never have to actually interact with this person. It is what it is. I don't know that it could ever change because there's such a cataclysmic breech of trust that---yeah, I probably wouldn't believe this person if they walked up and told me their name.

Life was easier when I was cruel. I miss it sometimes. It's so much easier than this alternative. All this work. Geesh!

So in my most cryptic moment to date, I'd like to dedicate "Alibi" to Ms. Jackson, I am for real because "I love you as much as I hate your guts" Sorry friends, some things just are what they are and will always be...
You know I never had a pony either, but I turned out okay. Go figure!

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