Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Friday, February 24, 2006
All the difference in the world is just a call away
And I’m waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone
Yes I’m waiting by the phone
I’m waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone
Cause I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me
Yes I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Getting ready to leave work, it's nice to have my PC back. (It got maimed in the latest upgrade.)
I have been in a content mood. I shudder to say good because I don't know if I would classify how I feel right now as entirely happy, etc, etc.
Went to lunch with Jess, it surprised her I think. I needed to get out of here for a bit.
I'm trying to decide what to do this evening. I need to clean. I need to organize. What sounds really good though involves nothing...
No thinking. No cleaning. No cooking. Just kicking back. Maybe a soak in the tub.
If only it were possible :o/
Today I have Fall Out Boy's "XO" stuck in my head...
"Chose love or sympathy, but never both."
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Maybe I'll paint today.
Been thinking about everything I said last night. That whole mood has stuck. It's really not a bad thing.
It's just not in the cards for some people. But it's not like I haven't got friends.
Guess I just want to much. My expectations are unreasonable for this day and age. Life's too short to settle for bad sex and a mediocre friendship.
It's looking like a great day for shoe shopping or shopping in general for that matter.
I think it's time to really tighten the rein on the three strike rule, even if it means that it puts all the current players out.
It's not like they all weren't given plenty of warm-up!
Thursday, February 16, 2006
It was horrible to say the least. She got Chico as a Christmas gift from my brother. She has taken excellent care of Chico. She's been a very conscienous hamster owner. She absolutely adored that little thing.
She came to me about twenty after seven because she had just got Chico out of her cage and was concerned that she was hurt, like maybe she got caught funny in the wheel. There was definately something wrong. The minute I said I didn't think there was anything you could do for a broken leg the water works opened up. I looked at Chico and I didn't think it was a broken bone. Poor thing was shivery and had very little coordination. I'm not vet, but I figured if we popped online we might find out a thing or two.
I told my daughter that I would hold Chico while she totally cleaned the cage and moved it to a place where we could better monitor the situation. As I was holding her in my hands, she kept walking off of one and onto another. I set her down on the keyboard tray so she could have a little more space to roam. I called my daughter because I wanted her to grab the phone book because I was going to call a vet.
Before I could even tell her what I wanted, the hamster had this totally huge seizure and was gone. Unfortunately, my daughter was standing right there. It's odd but you know exactly what is happening. You are watching death.
All of this is a span of less than 20 minutes, even if right off I had called a vet we would have never made it.
I can't even describe all that ensued next. She was bawling. I was futility attempting to resurrected the damn thing. I started crying. She was by this point hysterical. She did manage to ask if we could go to Gram and Pap's tonight to bury Chico.
So we had a nice little funeral at my parent's house where Chico is now buried in the front garden next to the bird bath. Since I had called to let them know we were coming, my dad modified one of the little ornamental garden stones to say "Chico's Garden" rather than "Mom's Garden". It was nice.
She originally had wanted to stay at my parent's house tonight. Somehow I managed to talk her into coming home. She seemed like she was through the bulk of the immediate grief. She was laughing even. Still sad, but laughing.
That all changed by the time we got home. It's killing me. I know it's normal. But to see you kid turn nihilistic at the ripe old age of 9 is a bit hard to swallow. She had been so upset tonight that she had a headache and her eyes hurt. Luckily in her anger when we got home, she wrapped herself up in the quilt on my bed and fell asleep.
She wanted a hamster so very badly. She first asked back in September. She read books, had me take her to all the different pet stores so that she could basically comparison shop. She drew pictures and talked all the time about her hamster and everything they were going to do together. She was supposed to get it at the end of October, but it just couldn't be done.
We would visit all the hamsters from time to time, and one day there was this Siberian Dwarf who had coloring like a dalmatian. Long story short, that was Chico. (Sidenote, Chico was actually a Chica.) It was kind of cute, my brother teased (God bless my twisted little family, he even put little tufts of rabbit fur into a hamster ball and wrapped it for her.) I was so impressed and surprised with the way she took care of Chico.
Who knew a little hamster could cause so much turmoil?
I hope tomorrow is better.
Actually today would have been great if the hamster hadn't died. I finally broke down and called to see about this MBA program I have been looking at. I finally cleaned my bathroom. I finally got the info from HR about tuition reimbursement. Sure I was pissed about some work related financial issues, but I have a semblence of a plan.
I just want the both of us to be happy. I'm so very tired of our life being like this.
Is that so much to ask? I don't mind a little something every now and again, but this constant barrage of shit.
It's no wonder I am not well.
In lieu of flowers, toilet paper tubes may be given to the rodent of your choice...
Monday, February 13, 2006
Impress your friends and co-workers and bone up on your VD trivia. I mean Valentine’s Day, but you know one thing can lead to another so you may want to look at both.
Last night, I started a new Sims family. It’s me and three people in my life. It’s kind of funny that without any intervention on my part one of the characters is a lot like their real counterpart. Kinda creepy really… It’s mostly for my own amusement. I am having a hard time getting them jobs that most closely match their own real life ones. I have a hard time managing multiple Sims so a lot of what has happened has been the Sims doing. Too bad I couldn’t get everybody together and test this is real life…
I don’t really care that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I have plans.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Wednesday, February 8, 2006
That's how I feel today. Not quite here, not quite there, not loopy, but definitely dazed and my hands are freezing.
So someone asked for clarification on a comment I made (and he knows who he is J ). The whole "could pay my bills if" comment I made. It just means that I get a sense that the particular person in question is on a whole 'nother plain than I am in that department. But it got me to thinking more and more which is always problematic, but hey that's me all over.
I should explain that in the interim of me writing those comments and now, I have had communications with both of the boys in question. One made me feel like crying, the other well, confused in a how do I respond to that way. The feeling like crying...well, I had actually meant to post something I wrote in the moment, and maybe I will later. At the time, it was just because my spidey sense was telling me things I would rather not hear. I've now come to this conclusion. It's in my best interest to stop talking to him. I volunteer way too much information to him, and it makes me vulnerable. Really if you think about it, I just would be the rebound off of the girl that messed up my chance in the first place. Woohoo! Sign me up...not. I like him, he unfortunately knows it, and I think he is using that to make himself feel better not to actually pursue anything with me.
The confusion with the other is just my not realizing how passionate he is about his interest. On one hand, that's kinda hot. On the other, uh, not so much but I am not so concerned about that I know how to handle that.
My left hand, especially my fingers, is so cold at the moment that if I touch my right hand it gives me a chill.
I'm getting ready to leave work. Jo has an orthodontist appointment.
Maybe I'll feel better after I leave, and maybe this will be the year that I finally get my Grammy ;P
Monday, February 6, 2006
Or not, I don't know. I want to get back to this thing called blogging, but I find myself just kinda blah.
It's not that I don't have stuff to talk about and bitch about and share with the class. I just don't find my heart to be in it these days.
Odd turn of events lately, eh?
So, for whatever reason I seem to find myself suddenly in weird triangle that I did not create (for a change). It started with this one guy who I was supposed to go out with a couple of months ago, but it never panned out. He out of the blue starts IMing me about two weeks ago. Telling me shit that I am wondering what makes me so special to get this confessional, and I took it as that. A one time thing, but I was apparently wrong. I have limited details,and therefore a limited opinion of the other. Well, except for he's free flowing with the compliments, and almost doesn't seem real sometimes...
So between the two of them the first one seems to me the better match at least intellectually, and well, yeah he's pretty too. Even on shallow levels he would win, because he's older and could probably pay my bills if I could bend in the right ways (which I am not sure that I could do, because I don't know if I could ever be that adventerous). Yeah, the second seems like someone I would never date ever, okay, maybe not ever, but not for long. I suspect we play for different teams if you know what I mean. He's younger than me which is good for the ego and he's also pretty, but he's into some things that I think would eventually bore the hell out of me. And by into, I mean totally consumed...
I don't know, maybe Lynn is right. Maybe I'm just adding new balls of yarn to play with, and that's all either of these guys will be to me.
Sigh, I don't know what else to say....