Looking for the Professor and Mary Ann...

I'm not sure if I can put into words how I feel right now.

 

I don't know that I would call it sad or angry or I don't know.

 

Disappointed maybe.

A little bit.

I am the Sisyphus of dating, I guess.

Oh hell, let's just say everything.

 

I have had an old song stuck in my head. Remember Soul Asylum?

Remember "Somebody to Shove"?

That would be the one.

 

You’re a dream for insomniacs, prize in the cracker jacks
All the difference in the world is just a call away

And I’m waiting by the phone
Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone
Yes I’m waiting by the phone
I’m waiting for you to call me up and tell me I’m not alone

Cause I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me
Yes I want somebody to shove
I need somebody to shove
I want somebody to shove me

 

I got a bit of a lecture at work about how if I don't

let anyone in then I'm

never going to have anyone.

It was, of course, unsolicited.

And I don't know why.

I never said I wasn't letting anyone in,

I only said that I was planning on stopping.

I said that I was tired of being "just Jenny"

and that if I felt that the circumstances were leaning that way

then I would simply stop talking to

whomever was the jackass who

was failing to see me as an option.

 

I don't mind friends.

But how many uninterested guy friends does a girl need?

 

Disappearing is much easier than being constantly reminded...

 

Always a first down conversion, never a touchdown.

 

You know what that means kids, Jenny never scores.

And frankly, the game's been at zero for way too long.

 

Surely I have some redeeming quality.

 

Who knows.

 

Who fucking cares?

 

I'm going to go to dinner and hope that Kramer's has enough alcohol on hand to

make me forget that I apparently suck.