If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Sunday, February 26, 2006

As I see it...

I never wanted to be a biller when I grew up,
  I only wanted it to pay the bills.
 I only ever got degrees in business
because there were no night art classes.
Besides day jobs always paid better than night ones.
I always thought that I would do this for a while.
 That it would allow me to sock away a little.
I guess I was too optimistic.
Art makes me happy.
Like when I decoupaged the entertainment center,
Pure bliss.
Just creative pursuits in general,
Always pull me out of the bitter Jenny
I have become to
The contented Jenny I once was.
How do I get back to what makes me happy?
I can't just up and quit.
Not sure that going back to school is the answer.
Still think pretty heavily about my shop,
all that dream entails.
But if I can't pay my bills now,
How am I even going to swing starting up something?
It would be great though.
I mean I know I had that whole thing written out.
The whole selling a lot of my junk to get my obligations
Down to a more manageable level.
It actually would have all flowed together.
But I want other things too.
Damn it, I'm crying again.
That house on Sagamon for one.
Jesus, it even fits in with other things I want.
I should just decoupage something else.
Something big so that I can escape into it.
I can forget about everything.
And just pretend that I have it all.

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