Sad night here...

My daughter's hamster died suddenly tonight.

It was horrible to say the least. She got Chico as a Christmas gift from my brother. She has taken excellent care of Chico. She's been a very conscienous hamster owner. She absolutely adored that little thing.

She came to me about twenty after seven because she had just got Chico out of her cage and was concerned that she was hurt, like maybe she got caught funny in the wheel. There was definately something wrong. The minute I said I didn't think there was anything you could do for a broken leg the water works opened up. I looked at Chico and I didn't think it was a broken bone. Poor thing was shivery and had very little coordination. I'm not vet, but I figured if we popped online we might find out a thing or two.

I told my daughter that I would hold Chico while she totally cleaned the cage and moved it to a place where we could better monitor the situation. As I was holding her in my hands, she kept walking off of one and onto another. I set her down on the keyboard tray so she could have a little more space to roam. I called my daughter because I wanted her to grab the phone book because I was going to call a vet.

Before I could even tell her what I wanted, the hamster had this totally huge seizure and was gone. Unfortunately, my daughter was standing right there. It's odd but you know exactly what is happening. You are watching death.

All of this is a span of less than 20 minutes, even if right off I had called a vet we would have never made it.

I can't even describe all that ensued next. She was bawling. I was futility attempting to resurrected the damn thing. I started crying. She was by this point hysterical. She did manage to ask if we could go to Gram and Pap's tonight to bury Chico.

So we had a nice little funeral at my parent's house where Chico is now buried in the front garden next to the bird bath. Since I had called to let them know we were coming, my dad modified one of the little ornamental garden stones to say "Chico's Garden" rather than "Mom's Garden". It was nice.

She originally had wanted to stay at my parent's house tonight. Somehow I managed to talk her into coming home. She seemed like she was through the bulk of the immediate grief. She was laughing even. Still sad, but laughing.

That all changed by the time we got home. It's killing me. I know it's normal. But to see you kid turn nihilistic at the ripe old age of 9 is a bit hard to swallow. She had been so upset tonight that she had a headache and her eyes hurt. Luckily in her anger when we got home, she wrapped herself up in the quilt on my bed and fell asleep.

She wanted a hamster so very badly. She first asked back in September. She read books, had me take her to all the different pet stores so that she could basically comparison shop. She drew pictures and talked all the time about her hamster and everything they were going to do together. She was supposed to get it at the end of October, but it just couldn't be done.

We would visit all the hamsters from time to time, and one day there was this Siberian Dwarf who had coloring like a dalmatian. Long story short, that was Chico. (Sidenote, Chico was actually a Chica.) It was kind of cute, my brother teased (God bless my twisted little family, he even put little tufts of rabbit fur into a hamster ball and wrapped it for her.) I was so impressed and surprised with the way she took care of Chico.

Who knew a little hamster could cause so much turmoil?

I hope tomorrow is better.

Actually today would have been great if the hamster hadn't died. I finally broke down and called to see about this MBA program I have been looking at. I finally cleaned my bathroom. I finally got the info from HR about tuition reimbursement. Sure I was pissed about some work related financial issues, but I have a semblence of a plan.

I just want the both of us to be happy. I'm so very tired of our life being like this.

Is that so much to ask? I don't mind a little something every now and again, but this constant barrage of shit.

It's no wonder I am not well.

In lieu of flowers, toilet paper tubes may be given to the rodent of your choice...