If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Friday, September 28, 2012

SK8 of the Art: The Dayton SK8 Park Project

Work in Progress by Daniel M. Reibert.
Available through the SK8 of the Art raffle
Once upon a time, there was a group by the name of SK8 D8N. They secured a location and set to working on their dream. Unfortunately, outside of the dream world other people can really muck up a dream. Despite hardwork and heart, Shampoo went out out of existence.

Luckily, that dream did not die. Luckily, the people involved believe in the project enough to keep on keeping on. Eventually, the Dayton Skatepark Project came into play. This project seeks to renovate dead public space into something useful..something used and valued in the community.

Soo...this is the part where I will seem to regress 20 years. Skateboarding is not a crime. I don't really understand where the criminalization of skateboarders came into play. It's a bunch of dudes and chicks using a board strapped to some wheels to have a good time and pull some tricks. There is skill involved. There is dedication. There is devotion. There are still way to few places where folks can legally hone their craft.

It is a craft. A skill. An art. Not everyone can get out there and shred. I personally have no skill at it, but I do admire those who can. I think too often people use there misunderstandings of the culture to down play the sport and the value of the sport. The aim of the Dayton Skatepark Project is to utilize spaces that have gone---well, let's be honest ABANDONED!! The aim of the Dayton Skatepark Project is to breathe new life into underutilized, unloved, abandoned place. The project on some level has the approval but lacks the funds.

The SK8 of the ART show is a fundraiser for the Dayton Skatepark Project. It will showcase one of a kind designs from local artist as part of the raffle. In addition, there are a few local businesses that are supporting the raffle with donations. The Opening Show September 29 w/ The Dirty Socialites @ 9:3o. The show is being held at
Decoy - art boutique - studio, 1277 N Fairfield Rd., Beavercreek, Ohio, 45432

The closing show will be October 13 and feature Paige Beller.

If you are in the area, please take time to support them not only on Facebook but also at the show and by buying a raffle ticket or five. If you are out of the area, please like them and contact them to see what you can do and how you could replicate their efforts in your own community!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Invisible War - Screening in Bradford, Ohio on October 20, 2012

The funny thing about the internet...at least the way I approach the internet...is that connections can be made that you wouldn't normally make. I am not afraid of internet strangers, so my Facebook page I have a few friends of friends that I have never met along with perfect strangers.

One of those friends, one day started posting about MST. Now, I knew right off, it wasn't Mystery Science Theatre, because even that isn't even close to as interesting as the personal story that was unfolding before me. I knew that she has been in the service. I could have never imagined that she had been the victim of Military Sexual Trauma.

She shared her story. Her complete story which I read in disbelief. She had connected with others and is now part of a group planning a huge rally for MST survivors. As part of this effort, she has been able to get a special screening of The Invisible War  which chronicles the epidemic of rape and sexual abuse in the US military. It will be shown at Bradford High School, 750 Railroad Ave, Bradford, OH 45308 on Saturday, October 20, 2012 at 2:00pm.The event is free to the public but they will be taking donations for an MST survivor rally slated for Spring 2013.

The statistics about MST are mind blowing. I hope that you can come out to support my friend and her work in getting this movie shown. 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Proverbs 3:5 Induced Insomnia

Kind of a hairy day. Not dreadful, just not ideal. Just stuff. OMG, yeah, actually there's a better stronger word for it. Plus, I need to go to the dentist and to say I hate the dentist is an understatement of the highest caliber. No good ever comes from the dentist AND it doesn't come cheaply either.

Dentist aside. Yeah, felt more than a little run down by the time I got home. I am heavy. My husband is heavy, but not as much as he had been earlier. He's been talking to people and praying and so he feels better. He said something, I don't remember what. Too much mental noise. Something about not worrying or something along those lines.

So there I am almost two hours ago now, laying on the bed, waiting for him to get out of the bathroom, sort of dozing when something pops into my head:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
It sort of rattled around a few minutes, and then I finally had to break down and see where it was from. I never was good at remembering chapter and verse, just the text. Lucky for me, I guess, that I have my Bible on my dresser. (I always wonder if that is surprising to people. Not only that I own one, but that it's on my dresser by my bed. And just for the record, I own two, the other is well, in the, er, reading room lol) Anyway, so it takes me no time to find it read it. Read all of Proverbs 3, and then decide to kick my husband out of the bathroom.

Leaning on my own understanding, presupposes that I grasp what is going on. But the rub is, I don't know how to trust in anything with all my heart. I don't think that I have ever known how to do something like that. I am actually quite jealous of people who have that unencumbered faithful trust. It just always seems like such a chill place to be.

There is a totally funny video in all of this. A little rip-off of an old cough syrup commercial. I can't remember which one...Nyquil seems the most logical...could be wrong. My line would be something like,"He turned it all over to God now he's up there sleeping like a baby! Humph!" And then I would dramatically roll over.

How do you do it? How to you trust that whatever is happening is something more than a cataclysmic downward spiral that ends in death? I know, it seems dramatic, but seriously I can only go so far with assuring myself and others that whatever it is...it's not the end of the world. I do not do so well with the arguments that it's all part of a plan on some days. Shrug. It's way to much to get into in one post.

Trust. It's my biggest issue. I don't know how to overcome that. It seems quite a hurdle this far into the game. Yeah, definitely trust because I know I have made tremendous strides in the whole not leaning on my own understanding department. Not enough though, I guess, because otherwise, I'd be up there sleeping like a baby instead sitting down here trying to problem-solve my existence.

Well, the best news is that I decompressed enough to be ready to crawl back into bed without pondering the Old Testament all night so that's something, right?

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Movement in Still Life: New Lease on Life

Wanna talk crazy Saturday action? This girl has been up since 4:15AM! It wasn't some weird insomnia thing either. I woke up. I felt rested. I said to myself I have a ton of paperwork to do, maybe I can do it now and then can actually spend time with the family today. I am pretty smart sometimes.

So, yeah, between 4:15 and about 7 I did pages and pages of paperwork that I needed to do for what I am currently deeming a super secret reason. And by secret, I just mean that I'm going to wait until after they run the background check to announce any changes to my current playbook ;)

I am learning to love the term "leased worker". I have had regular, permanent, full-time positions and I think I would still prefer that in some ways. But in that sort of status, no one hires you just on the basis of your resume. At least, that's never happened to me in all my working years.

Lol, so,yeah, I guess I can't even keep my own secrets, can I?

What weird, wonderful week this has shaped up to be!

After this particular recruiter contacted me, I had 8 others contact me about the very same position. I sloughed it off as side effect of the line of business the position is in and well, yes, on paper I do look awesome. Then the recruiter called to say they were starting to accept people on the basis of their resume only, was I still interested. Sure, why not. I never would have imagined that she would call me back in less than an hour to say that I had been accepted.

I say weird and wonderful week because the night before that happened. I actually cried myself to sleep. I am not ashamed to admit that. I had a very hard day at work. I have a very difficult co-worker to deal with and idk, there are some other issues at hand. I was upset. Really upset. I feel like an absolute loser sometimes because I don't really feel like I am particularly talented in any one area...I've never had a position that required the bachelor's degree that was supposed to take me so much further in life...I don't receive the same pats on the head...I could go on with this list forever. It was all coming up the other night. I hate feeling like my best is never enough. Anyway...

So, yeah, I don't have to worry about that anymore...well, okay, I'm going to go through the next two weeks. I'm not going to slack, it's not my style. I'll probably do some vindictive working, just make my absence that more meaningful. I know I am so weird, but hey it get's me by.

Anyway, in the midst of my printing and scanning and copying and pasting in the wee hours of the morning. Movement in Still Life popped in my head. Not the song, but the words. Too lazy to dig the CD out, I went to YouTube which is sometimes an auspicious mistake. I picked the following video, but it's not  the song Movement in Still Life but a song from the album Movement in Still Life "Never Gonna Come Back Down"   It's encapsulates a bit how I feel right now...like I am in the club, I got energy to spare and nothing is going to ruin my night.

They say perspective is everything. I think I had an extreme point of view makeover this week.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

I said "I know, everybody funny, now you funny too"

8 minutes 24 seconds no annoying ad...that's what I am talking about.

 So, the line hit me this morning. I am looking for other jobs. Temping is after all only temporary. I found a couple maybes. Granted, they are less appealing after reading the Glassdoor content on 'em but they pay more than where I am at now. Plus, I sold my soul along time ago so really there's nothing to lose by trying. 

Wow, that felt harsh to write. It's true though. At least it seems true. It seems like my personal left at Albuquerque has led me to this weird marginally employable place. There's no when I grow up I wanna be anymore. There's a stack of things that need attention and they really do not give a flying youknowwhat if I am happy and fulfilled and enjoying my work. It would be flippin' wonderful, don't get me wrong, it would be flippin' fantastic if by some magical token I could find something that would cover things enough that the mister could not have to be gone all the damn time in a job that for the most part is only making him older. 

Yesterday, I was feeling sad. Today, I am just mad. 

...And the only three* people in the world that I could openly and freely discuss it with are at work.Which is probably for the best because it's only 10:20am here and on a Wednesday that's just too early to start pouring drinks. 

Enjoy the George Thorogood and enjoy your day and try not to be too funny.

*The three people are my husband and my two brothers which quite possibly is a folie a quatre in the making but eh, at least it's good company.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

True confessions of an office diva ;)

zwani.com myspace graphic comments
I feel diva-ish this morning, if only because I have been doing a steady stream of hot tea, throat spray, and painkillers...ok, so it's only Tylenol. I work in three hours and my throat is staging a protest as we speak. This protest started mid-shift yesterday. 

Who knew that talking eight hours a day could be so exhausting?! As a matter of fact, for those of you out there who know me personally and have wonder publicly or privately if I was even capable of shutting my mouth...I do believe I have reached my limit.

Now off hand I don't know what I logged. I know last time I had checked my stats I had 36 calls, average almost 8 minutes, and I still had two hours to go. I know it doesn't seem like much but that 8 minutes is the average, I think my longest call was around 30 minutes. And I barely communicated with anyone else. I was too busy to take my IMs and I didn't get to verbally say 'hi' to the gal behind me until after 5pm. I really didn't even think about my call stats until after I was able to chit-chat. 

If anything, I should stop talking to other people so that I can maintain my delusions of normalcy. I am not trying to be any sort of superstar. Really, I am not. Honestly, at one point yesterday, I thought I was doing a really horrible job. Seriously, I had issues and a stack of posty that needed attention. Turns out that my failures are a level of success that some people aspire to. Let me tell you, that's a humbling place and apparently one of the things in my life I've never been able to handle properly. 

Do I go through life with a poker face to blend? Or do follow that path that leads to people referring to me as some sort of savant and only coming to me when then need technical assistance? I don't like the latter path. It's been my experience throughout my entire life that a)people do not believe that this level of detail-orientation and awesomeness requires no work or thought on my part and b)because people believe a)they tend to treat me like I am some sort of cocky DB because...well, if I knew that I would have solved this a long time ago. 
God gave me this wonderfully twisted brain that latches on to information like leeches to unprotected skin. I am such a bank of worthless and worthwhile information that I sometimes question if I am a robot or droid or something. I have always tried to assimilate, well, at least since I was 15 or. Yep, that fateful week at gifted/talented camp where when a smartassed college kid asked me and the group of girls I with what are "gifts" were. They answered with what program they were in, me, no I've always been diva, so I looked him in the eye and answered "Gab" and kept on walking. 

The good news is the tea is working so I won't lose that gift this morning. The bad news...I am not really sure what to do with all this. Other people there in the temp pool, genuinely need this job way more than I do. I can't really dial back my lack of effort, unless I just stop showing up. I am not inclined to quit because it's actually a pretty enjoyable job...plus we need the money. 

What's a girl to do? So much internal drama and it's only Tuesday!! 

Monday, September 10, 2012

What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar?

someecards.com - I'm ashamed of what I've done for a Klondike bar
Happy Monday! Well, at least for me, I just figured out the Monday is easy to meet when you have two hours before work to brace yourself. And by brace myself, I mean drink an entire pot of Carmel Truffle coffee and write a post.

Admittedly, Mondays can be hard. So much to do to get out the door, and if you've overdone the weekend then it's that much harder. I have to get up by 7 to get my son to preschool by 9 which on some level seems sad because preschool is just at the end of our street. If I can manage to wake before him and get things done it's a breeze. This morning, he was up right behind me which completely changes the flow and tone of things.

After dropping him off, I have about 2 1/2 hours until I have to be at work. Today, I came home ate leftover Mexican and loaded the dishwasher. While loading the dishwasher, the Klondike thing came to mind.

On one hand, the Klondike bar seems like a deal with the devil. Or maybe it's a genie in the bottle. I don't know. I just had a lot of things on my mental to-do list and I am really wondering if a Klondike bar would help me knock them out.

Like if Klondike bars had some sort of magical time-bending abilities I would totally down a whole package! I literally would run to the nearest store (to balance the calories-duh) and woof down a couple of packages if it meant at the end of the day everything would be done, finished, solved, mended, returned, etcetra. 

Alas, it's only chocolate covered ice cream and would really only succeed in kicking me up a dress size. But if it were somehow both magical and delicious, what would you do for a Klondike bar?

Friday, September 7, 2012

Winding down another day...

Got home from work at a tad before 9pm. I assumed that my husband and son were in bed because except for my daughter's light the house was completely dark. Within minutes, my daughter was in the kitchen with me talking my ear off and a few minutes later my son scooted in. Having such a good conversation with my daughter, I didn't even care my son was up past bedtime.

These last couple of post haven't really been as focused as I would like them to be. I get such plans for this blog thing and end up just doing whatever the hell I feel like. In general, a lot of things aren't how I would like them to be. Yesterday or the day before, I had posted something cryptic (surprise, surprise) about having a bad penny of an issue and not knowing what to do about it. Oddly enough, I have no issues know. I am learning to love the way life works itself out...without my input or say so or whatever other grandiose notion I have at the time.

So my blogs aren't focused and pretty and tied with a bow. People are reading. I am assuming people, maybe it is bots. I don't know. The point is that if I posted and posted and posted and never had hits, I would have quit. I really would have. But I post and post and post, sometimes very raw and very off the cuff and my hits will realistically reach 5 digits by the end of the year, so I must be doing something right.

I have entertained that I am a trainwreck and people can't help themselves. I don't think that is the case. Gruesome freak shows eventually get boring. Based on what I can see in my stats, I resonate with a few of you out there. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to be relatable to you. I think of all the times that I have felt so lost, alone, out of control, crazy and think of what it would have meant to me to find something that I could hold onto and feel a little relief.

I have nothing against positivity and motivational slants BUT 24/7 happiness is not available without a prescription. I would rather be real and have people attach to me for my realness than to have a throng of adoring fans attached to a fabrication that I can not sustain. I am so Popeye in that I am what I am. And the phrase "I am" makes me think of a lesson I once heard a Unity minister deliver a lesson cautioning to be care what you attach your "I am" to. (Oh snap! I ended a sentence with a preposition.)

It makes a lot of sense really. Of all the things that I could say that I am...which ones REALLY matter? I am a job? Nope, not really in most cases. No fooling for a lot of a j-o-b is a means to an end, so why weigh yourself down with something like that? I am a social status. Sorry, wrong answer, take it from me and Frank Sinatra "riding high in April, shot down in May."

I am a wife and a mother...and a daughter and niece...a sister...a friend...a lover...God expressing at the point where I exist...love...those things seems worthwhile attachments to what I am because they are always and only dependent on one thing...me.

Nothing in my whole day mattered to me more than the time with my kids tonight when I got home. They never gave me time like that when I was home, so it makes me feel better about the cosmic scheme of how I ended up back in the work force in a job title I swore I would never hold.

I guess what I am saying is that you my friend should never cloud what you are with what you need to be because in the words of Loretta Lynn "God Makes No Mistakes."

Where ever you are, what ever you are doing, despite what you are feeling, it's all part of the ride. Trust me, hang on through that next dip, that next bend, sometimes even a couple of loop-de-loops, It's only the end of the world if you give up. I regret it took me nearly 37 years to figure that out.

How's that for a wind down? I am off to bed. I hope that whereever you are peace finds you and you are able to be a blessing to someone else. 

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Throwback Thursday: Only a test...

Sometimes I find that I already said exactly what I feel like saying :)  http://tisbetter2give.blogspot.com/2005/11/this-is-just-test-of-my-ability-to.html

And best guess the test on the post had to do with the formatting on the song lyrics which incidentally are from "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy. I could really appreciate the sentiment at that space in time.

Live and learn...or something like that :)

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Not so wordless Wednesday...playing catch up.

This new schedule is certainly going to take some adjustment. Sigh. I feel quite out of sorts but this too will pass. Today starts a bit of "free" time during the morning three mornings a week. Honestly, I am sitting here listening to Enpde, writing you because frankly I'd rather not look at my house and the aftermath of my first two weeks working.

Plus, I am kinda heavy this morning with things on my mind. Someone please tell me what you are supposed to do when you do your part and give the rest up to God...only to have God fling it back at you. For my atheist friends, please read the above sentence as what do you do when all logic, planning, and debate fail.  Or something like that. I guess it's not a huge deal, I only woke up way to early with tension and pain. Lovely. Yeesh. I don't know. It has to change but I am afraid of the change going a wrong way. I know I am not the puppetmaster but I would like to keep the people involved in my life...I just want their drama to go away. They need some peace. I don't know my part in it. I must have a part because I am sitting here with it on my mind.

I do like the certain dropped out of society feel my new schedule has. I'm not kidding. If I didn't have other responsibilities I would not have to be up 4 or so hours before my scheduled start. It's been playing a bit like a leisurely morning. I am about 3 hours off the 9 to 5ers, so there is no traffic. No lines at fast food. In and out for coffee. I think this is what the apocalypse will feel like.

On the other hand, I wonder if I will ever have a social life. I suppose work peeps, but a little guarded about work relationships. Especially right now, since I am only a temp, it's kind of like being in a shark tank. Who knows what the next few weeks and hopefully months will bring?!

Well, thank you for wasting ten minutes of your precious time with me! I do appreciate it.  It was really nice to log on here after a bit of an absence and see that I hadn't flat lined. So what do you think? What do you do with something that never seems to go away despite your efforts to put it to rest?