Your Wounded Inner Child, Austin Pike Interchange and This Stain on This Shirt

What are things that are bothering Jenny today?  I'll take what is she going to do about it
for two cents, Alex.

The biggest challenge of the day is my co-workers...again. I ended up having a chance in encounter with my supervisor in the hallway and mentioned to her somethings and magically it has quieted down for the rest of the day. Hopefully for good but we'll see. I am not going to replay the events but definitely some twisted inner child stuff going on with this crowd.

I am not saying I don't have my own issues. It is because I do that I can recognize it in others. I work hard to heal those wounds. The stuff at work picks at my emotional scabs sometimes. There was a moment this morning when I truly felt like I was back in elementary school. But then I remembered that I am an adult and I don't have to get sucked into someone else's game. It really is nothing more than a game...a game of defective characters and spiritual bankruptcy. I don't have the power to heal anyone but I am adding this to my list of things to pray for on behalf of certain coworkers. Peace and healing from old hurts so that they can progress in life and fulfill their potential.

Also, there is a tendency of certain people in this group to throw scripture into our team chats. I am not opposed to scripture. I am opposed to people going to BibleGateway.com and randomly searching a feeling. I am opposed to people not practicing what they preach. Not my place to judge, so this is merely an observation, I have noticed that several of these folks have stood up and openly claimed their Christianity, only to curse someone or gossip in the next breath. There are a number of commandments and not so commanded things being overlooked and ignored.

If I were to choose a general verse, I would pick Galatians 1:10 and paraphrase it,"I choose to be popular with God, not with men." I don't know why but I think of that often at work. But if I were to put something in the team chat to counter what they were posting, it would most definitely be something from Proverbs but I can't really be specific without grabbing my Bible. Proverbs is filled with verses about laziness and folly.

Sigh, then we had an added complication today that pretty much obliterated what was left of the morale of the few people who actually have been working and adhering to schedules, etc. I am done. I am getting a new job on Tuesday. It's not arbitrary, I have an interview, and I am pretty sure it is my job.

The whole Austin Pike interchange annoyance is just that it can be unduly complicated to get from 675 to my office some days. What a mess?!

I have no idea where the stain on this shirt came from. It's a yellow shirt so the stain is glaringly obvious.

Big sigh, outside of work, things don't suck. I think I am finally getting somethings through my head about the way things are and what I need to do. I need to stop settling and get into something somewhere where my obsessive need to do the homework and best the best that I can be is appreciated. Life is not something that is meant to be endured. Sure, it's a journey. Sure, sometimes it is difficult. But I don't think any of us are supposed to spend our days just waiting it out until death. But that's just me, I may be certifiable or something because as of late most people treat me like I am f'in crazy.

I don't really have a good prayer to write in this post. Got a lot of things on my list and I am going to go spend sometime  before bed unloading them. Probably listen to some harp music on youtube. I got turned onto it while my husband was away. This one is one of my favorites, although, I don't think I have ever listened to the whole thing as it seems to lull me to sleep fairly quickly.

Proverbs 3:5 Induced Insomnia

Kind of a hairy day. Not dreadful, just not ideal. Just stuff. OMG, yeah, actually there's a better stronger word for it. Plus, I need to go to the dentist and to say I hate the dentist is an understatement of the highest caliber. No good ever comes from the dentist AND it doesn't come cheaply either.

Dentist aside. Yeah, felt more than a little run down by the time I got home. I am heavy. My husband is heavy, but not as much as he had been earlier. He's been talking to people and praying and so he feels better. He said something, I don't remember what. Too much mental noise. Something about not worrying or something along those lines.

So there I am almost two hours ago now, laying on the bed, waiting for him to get out of the bathroom, sort of dozing when something pops into my head:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.

It sort of rattled around a few minutes, and then I finally had to break down and see where it was from. I never was good at remembering chapter and verse, just the text. Lucky for me, I guess, that I have my Bible on my dresser. (I always wonder if that is surprising to people. Not only that I own one, but that it's on my dresser by my bed. And just for the record, I own two, the other is well, in the, er, reading room lol) Anyway, so it takes me no time to find it read it. Read all of Proverbs 3, and then decide to kick my husband out of the bathroom.

Leaning on my own understanding, presupposes that I grasp what is going on. But the rub is, I don't know how to trust in anything with all my heart. I don't think that I have ever known how to do something like that. I am actually quite jealous of people who have that unencumbered faithful trust. It just always seems like such a chill place to be.

There is a totally funny video in all of this. A little rip-off of an old cough syrup commercial. I can't remember which one...Nyquil seems the most logical...could be wrong. My line would be something like,"He turned it all over to God now he's up there sleeping like a baby! Humph!" And then I would dramatically roll over.

How do you do it? How to you trust that whatever is happening is something more than a cataclysmic downward spiral that ends in death? I know, it seems dramatic, but seriously I can only go so far with assuring myself and others that whatever it is...it's not the end of the world. I do not do so well with the arguments that it's all part of a plan on some days. Shrug. It's way to much to get into in one post.

Trust. It's my biggest issue. I don't know how to overcome that. It seems quite a hurdle this far into the game. Yeah, definitely trust because I know I have made tremendous strides in the whole not leaning on my own understanding department. Not enough though, I guess, because otherwise, I'd be up there sleeping like a baby instead sitting down here trying to problem-solve my existence.

Well, the best news is that I decompressed enough to be ready to crawl back into bed without pondering the Old Testament all night so that's something, right?