If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Just checking in

Yeah, I am not entirely sure what is going on with me. Health-wise, socially, mentally, in pretty much all areas of life.
 
I am noticing that maybe my life is a little more stressful that I thought it was. By the end of the week, I ended up with a doctor's note to take a few days off.
 
Nothing is really going to change. I mean not without me winning the lottery.
 
Things tho, they are changing for good or bad remains to be seen.
 
So much I really need to write, but I am just not up to it today.
 
 
 

Sunday, January 22, 2006

A weekend in strange places...

You've not had fun until you've spent a Friday night at Miami Valley Hospital Shaw Trauma Center. You know 'cause they don't call them emergency rooms anymore. They ought to call them frustration factories.
 
Ended up down there about 6:30ish because well, numbness and tingling in the face and left extremeties and an inability to see clearly kind of freak a girl out. One CAT scan, three hours and very little information later, I got put into observation status on the Neurology Floor.
 
Sarah was with me, but she left about 10:30 or so.
 
A little after midnight the lab came in with orders to completely drain me. Seriously, they took like 10 vials! Thankfully the phlebot was nice and didn't butcher my vein. I hate that when you get a draw and end up partially crippled for the next week or two.
 
Couldn't sleep. Couldn't walk around. Didn't want to be there. Didn't have anymore symptoms. Had a clearly ill person in the bed next to me. Bored. Scared. Frustrated.
 
For a while I entertained myself by watching my monitor, and subesquently seeing how it changed if say I held my my breath or breathed super deep.
 
I ended up getting 2 good hours of sleep.
 
At eight am, I got whisked off for a carotid ultrasound and an MRI (with contrast) and by noon, I still didn't know much of anything except that now I have a neurologist on my payroll.
 
Frustrated. Frustrated. Frustrated.
 
Finally, I got discharged home at about 3:30. The ultrasound and the MRI were negative. The blood work wasn't back yet, but since I hadn't had any more symptoms or new symptoms there was no reason to keep me. (The job of the ER is just to stablize the patient until they can see their personal physician or admit the patient if the symptoms warrant. I've had to explain that enough to not get crazy mad that I still didn't know much.)
 
So, I get to go see my family doc and this neurologist this week or next. Whoohoo...
 
I think this is going to put a big financial crimp into the vacation plans.
 
I feel like crap today.
 
I don't like it one bit.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Wasting time...

So, I fear that perhaps I have inadvertently blown the winds of change in a different direction.
 
Or maybe I am just a girl and uh, I don't appreciate people who don't call when they say they are going to or call back when they are called.
 
It may seems entirely screwed up to others that I have this whole oh Adam is so dreamy crush, but now I'm like uh whatever dude. I'm lonely not desparate. My time is valuable, and uh, you have to earn the the ability to have me waiting by the phone.
 
Two steps forward, two million steps back.
 
If not tonight, I would guess Saturday, no actually Sunday to be the next earliest day. This is me trying to be positive. How's it working?
 
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." ~ Edgar Allan Poe
 
 
 
 
 
 

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1995

Deep, deep, deep sigh.
 
Apparently everyone but me knew it was going to snow today. No big, it actually made for a good day.
 
Back to 1995. So while lost in my own thoughts tonight, I started thinking of some monologues that are in the monologue book I was due back May 4, 1993 according to the sticker on the back. (I own it and several others that were lost in a move. I had to pay cost plus fines in order to be able to borrow again.)
Anyhow, there was one that I was sort of attached to from Night Luster by Laura Harrington. It suddenly popped in my head tonight. What's really sad is that I still feel like it was written for me. The very last line is:
 
    "Jesus, if anybody ever heard what I've got locked up inside of me...I'd be a star."
 
I don't know is this cold feet or cooler heads? Do I really have the energy and the patience for this? Hell, I know me. It's not that I am high maintenance, but I do have expectations. As much as I like to listen to my frosted side, I am afraid that the whole wheat side is making some very valid points. I, unfortunately, need to listen to those points. Sure, it does feel a little like the hand of fate has been twisted to my favor a bit, but can I blow the ink dry faster?
 
So sometime ago we established that this one he intrigues me, and I would love the opportunity to explore that (and I'm not talking sex, either). As I am sitting here though, I can't help but wonder if maybe somehow I let the cart get way ahead of the horse. Or maybe I just need to throw it all out there and see what happens. Even if it ends up being soul decimatingly horrible, I'll live. I made it this far and I have had far worse things happen to me than being rejected by someone I have a silly girly crush on.
 
Or maybe all of this is just my way of pouting. He said he would call me Tuesday, but he didn't. Which, you know, practice so I actually didn't fully expect that he would. I just know how these things go. But I look so forward to things sometimes. I think that makes me the problem with me. I called him earlier from work. I didn't expect that he would answer because the number comes up as 937-000-0000 from any line in the hospital system (unless it's internal then it's got name and/or department and extension number). I left a message. Admittedly, I feel a little nervous and dorky and have this whole maybe I shouldn't have called, maybe this is what my friend's meant when they said I was intimidating. That's crap,though, I think you like someone you call them, you want to hang out, hook up, bake cookies, fly fish, whatever, you should just do it. None of this wait a week, wait a day, wait til the moon is in the seventhg house crapola. Ok, time to digest, time to reflect, I can dig that, but what do we at this point have to reflect upon?
 
I am at a lost of what to do next. It has been a long, long time since I had a crush on someone and ended up with their phone number. I know where I am in terms of my own confusions, my own lack of direction, where I am and where I want to be and the kind of person I wouldn't mind getting there with but I can only guess at his. I have this compulsion to sit down with him and tell him exactly how I feel. Tell him that I have had this little crush since the day we met. Tell him that I would appreciate not being some sort of rebound, that I like what I know and would like to know more but if it can only be as friends then que sera sera. Tell him...I don't know. Jesus Christ, I have so much I could say. The question is what do I say next, I guess.
 
Aside from all of the above, I guess you can file this next bit under Jenny has too much time without positive social interaction so she thinks up crazy shit to pass the time. So, uh, coming back from dropping the kid off at school, 103.9 played that Matisyahu song which in and of it's self is quite a step for them. Now it would take some research on my part, but I think if all else fails I am going to begin trying to prove that Matisyahu is the second coming of Christ. I mean after all wasn't JC a cool Jewish cat that everyone dug listening to? I don't know where it comes from, it just comes.
 
Besides better to sit and try to think of all the correlations with Revelations that last year or so has had then to sit and make revelations about the correlations that I have had in the same time frame.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

What day is it?

I was thinking Wednesday, but I know it is Tuesday because all three docs worked today.
Yet somehow, I dunno, I'm confused.
 
It's not just the three day weekend that has me disoriented. Trying to get things done and it seems to be messing with my sense of time. Well, that and I could have sworn that several rooms of this house were cleaned on Saturday, yet today when I look around all I see is a Littlest Pet Shop encampment and various other things of the child's. Where does the time go?
 
I went into work today and it was weird. There used to be is spot across from my office that had shelves for x-rays, it was gone! Even better all my boxes that I have to keep, and have been stacking in my tiny office, were stacked neatly where the shelves used to be. It was like a whole different place.
 
I am looking forward to the rest of this week. Not just 'cuz I might be going to hang out with Adam. Thursday there is a coding seminar that I am going to, and I'm excited to get out of the office for a little bit and mingle with other freaks like me, did I mention free lunch?  Then, Friday, I am supposed to be doing something with my friend, Sarah, whom I have not seen since before my birthday. I'm sure I could fill the weekend dance card too if I wanted. Although, I may just dig into some housework over the weekend. It has come to my attention that may have more clothing and shoes than I wear, and I really need to go through it all.
 
I feel positively stressed out. The kid is driving me a little more crazy than normal. Then there are the boys. And work as always. I just really need some downtime, but I can't seem to get it. After I had that massage at work, I was thinking that I was going to try to make a habit of it. It's really not that expensive, and god knows it made me feel so great. It just keeps getting pushed down to the bottom of the list, because well, that what happens to mom.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

So, last night Rob called me. It was unexpected. It was painful. It was nice. Sigh...
 
I talked to Adam this afternoon.
 
I can't really explain how I am feeling at this moment.
 
There's a clarity that I know I don't usually possess, and it's kind of freaking me out to find it here now.
 
 
 

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Again with the ringing ears...

I am happy bordering on giddy. It was a lot of fun tonight, and I have something that I didn't have when the night started...Adam's number.

No other details are available because well, the more I tell them the more of a tall tale they become and I would like this to be real. I will, of course, try to keep you posted.

I am very sleepy so it's off to bed. I just wanted to post that while I was still in the moment.

Friday, January 13, 2006

No triskadeskaphobia here...

So here we are Friday the 13th.

The big day for going out to see some bands at Canal Street.

Flyaway Minion and Murder Your Darlings

Who's going?

Funny you should ask! Moi and Lynnie Mae and Rita and me Mama. This should be interesting.

I'm kind of torn on what to wear. Too cold for skirts and dresses and really Canal Street has never struck me as place to dress girly, even though I always hold it with the reverence of going to church. I don't want to just go as I am, I just don't know how much attention I want to attract tonight. I think I am just going to change my shirt from this okay green shirt to a much better pink velour number 'cuz it matches my gymmers and it's supposed to get colder and I don't feel like putting on different shoes.

I just hope everyone has a good time, and that the snow waits 'till after we're home.



Thursday, January 12, 2006

Almost Friday!

I don't feel like writing today, so today's message for my flock comes from The Wedding Crashers. Personal opinion, it's one of the better scenes of that movie.

Janice: No, you're really sweet. I've got the perfect girl for you.

Jeremy: Ahh...Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested, I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested, but I'm not that interested, but I think she might be interested, but do I want to be interested, but now she's not interested, so now all of a sudden I'm getting...I'm started to get interested. And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door 'cause then it's awkward? It's like, well, goodnight. Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug eachother like this and the ass sticks out because you're trying not to get too close or just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while your just really want to know are we going to get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions. And perhaps play a little game called just a tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels or ouch ouch you're on my hair.

Janice: Okay...

If you've not seen the movie, you're missing some good mindless fun. It's got some good stuff in it. Last weekend was like Owen Wilson weekend at our hourse. We watched Wedding Crashers, Meet the Parents, and Meet the Fockers.

Laughing is good.

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th and Saturday is the full moon, I think that speaks for itself.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

C'mon get happy...

My horoscope for the day...

Libra on Wednesday Jan 11, 2006:

 

      Being outspoken may get you into trouble but,

once the dust has settled, you will be able to go

about your business clear of mind and feeling much

better about your future. Don't let anyone who

challenges you get away with cheap shots.

Me, speak my mind, get me in trouble. Um, that's like daily so uh wow what's new.

Well, nice of you to ask. I slept a little better last night. Two nights in a row, yippee!! I had an email about a Hospital Reimbursement Analyst position that I am contemplating answering, even tho it is in Cincy. I think I am going to take Spring Break off with the plan of being somewhere new-ish by June.

As I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about Rebel's comments. I realized that sometimes when you are looking for something you have to dump out the entire drawer. So, I think I'm going to start emptying drawers. I usually shy away from that because I don't want to do something that would cause undue stress on the kid, but you know since I am controlling the drawers, it would be different. Not like some of the things I have been trying to avoid her ever having to experience, other people pulled those drawers.

I think I am up to three people coming with me to Friday! I'm not so much excited as I had been, a little nervous more than anything. I don't know, putting people together is always a little nerve-wracking. Especially when it looks like you are going to be the driver, and you know you won't want to leave early.





       

 

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

It's merely a flesh wound...

I slept fairly well last night. Better than I have in a while to tell the truth.

DEEP DEEP BREATH.

Maybe Wilco said it best when they said, "Distance has no way of making love understandable."

'cuz you know what -- should I even tell you-- no, no, I don't need anymore grief. But I would you know. In heartbeat. I don't care what anyone says...

It's one of those things, yeah, maybe if I had someone else in my life right now it would be different. But I don't and to find something comparable is going to take awhile. It took a long time to find him.

I don't know. More deep breathing and a little more crying at the sick ironies of my life, I'll be alright.

On the upside, he doesn't hate me. I just wish I could say the same about myself.

Flyaway Minion Friday hopefully that'll make me feel better.

Looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays

None of the ones that mattered mattered, then the one that did not matter did. If it had been one that mattered, I would have been prepared.

Maybe I am the problem with me.

Maybe Jess is right, the answer is just stop giving a shit about everything.

I can't though.

I am always inclined to think that everything has a purpose, a reason.

Maybe the reason has always been just to drive me nuts.

I wish it would have been one of the ones that mattered.

Maybe then I could have actually fixed everything.

Monday, January 9, 2006

I don't like Mondays...

Well, my first thought was to talk about how sick I am of hearing about other people getting married because my friend in Colorado is doing so next month. I'm glad for her, but it still sometimes hard to take.

But there are bigger issues to contend with this morning. See, as you all maybe be aware I am crazy about the band Flyaway Minion. You also may be aware that I used to have my fancy pants rock 'n roll boyfriend. So, being the band whore that I can be, I sent Rob an email tell him to catch them next time they are in Cincy.

For the first time in 8 months, I got a response. It's like my heart breaking all over again.

I know I have said some things in blog that paint a horrible picture, but the blog is not the full story of my life.

So, do I go have a nice cry tonight and probably tomorrow and pretend it didn't happen. Or (and this is what I really want to do) fully torture myself by responding to what he said and saying exactly what I feel.

I have chest pain, a lump in my throat, and kind of wish that I could go home.

I still get sick of hearing everyone is getting married...but maybe that's because I screwed up my chance.


Sunday, January 8, 2006

Here's to another weekend...

So here we are Sunday night, and my weekend sucked.
 
A job that should have only taken a few hours ate up the entire weekend. At one point, I very nearly just chucked the toilet out the window. It's done now. Hopefully, there are no more leaks. Hopefully, it'll be a good little toiley.
 
I had a list. Most of that list didn't get done. Somedays all you can do is growl and grit your teeth.
 
I had meant to write yesterday. I had want to talk about my weird ass dream. It was one of those dreams where you wake up and feel dazed all day, desparately trying to remember all the details because surely a dream like that means something. It has to mean something to be at someone else's huge ass wedding sharing a pew with Keith Richards. (Mick was there too, but he was a row ahead of us sitting next to Carson Daly of all people!?) I think what bothers me the most is that I have dreamt of that church, that place before. A whole bunch of familar places that I have never been. It was nice to sleep that hard though. Friday night and Saturday night both seemed to be some hard sleeping times.
 
I realize that I never even attempted to make any sort of resolution's for the year. I'm not sure it's worth it. The last couple months I have sort of been making a rough list of things I want to get done, but most of that's been crossed off. I had been planning to go back to school this year. There a quite a few programs available these days that would make it easy for me to still work and get my master's. More school guarentees nothing but more student loan debt, and stress and the more I thought about it, less me time. So when I say I can't afford it, I don't just mean financially.
 
I also had planned on laying down the groundwork for starting my own business. That also for the most part is in the shitter. I have to get my house straightened up in order to clear a spot to work. I have been trying since October to get everything set up and to date the computer is still sitting on the floor in my bedroom waiting patiently to be cleaned and reformatted.
 
In other news, I noticed that tonic water has quinine. Having forgotten what the quinine was, I looked it up. In light of those findings, I can now justify vodka tonics as preventative medicine. I mean you never know when a malaria epidemic is going to hit Ohio!
 
I feel boring tonight, so I'll let you all get back to something interesting.
 
 

Thursday, January 5, 2006

I really wish...

...that people would keep their "theological confidence" out of everyone's life, liberty & pursuit of happiness.


Wednesday, January 4, 2006

So sleepy...

Very, very sleepy.
 
Long day.
 
Month end usually is.
 
I haven't been able to feel my face for several hours.
 
I think I would like to vomit.
 
I made a CD last night.
 
I made myself a CD for my birthday. Called "30 Years and Still No Signs of Progress"
 
It's playlist is as follows:
 
Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees
Howling Maggie - Promise to Be Happy
Kasey Chambers - Not Pretty Enough
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man [Live]
Keane -Everybody's Changing
Jane's Addiction - Jane Says [Live]
Counting Crows - The Ghost In You
Tori Amos - Leather
Wilco - Radio Cure
The White Stripes - Girl, You Have No Faith in Medicine
The Bloodhound Gang - Your Only Friends Are Make Believe
Violent Femmes - Kiss Off [Live]
Dire Straits - Where Do You Think You're Going
Tom Waits - Whistle Down the Wind (For Tom Jans)
Living Colour - Broken Hearts
U2- So Cruel
 
I like to think that the one I made last night is better, well, okay maybe not better but at least more optimistic.
 
2006 Magical mix includes:
 
Tom Waits - Big in Japan
Flyaway Minion - Lost in This Distraction
The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band - Party On The Mountain
Cracker - Shake Some Action
Chaotic Discord - Fuck Religion, Fuck Politics, Fuck the Lot of You
Concrete Blonde -(Love Is A) Blind Ambition
The Soup Dragons - Pleasure
The Soup Dragons - Divine Thing
Mephiskapheles - Saba
The Ramones -  I Don't Wanna Grow Up
Green Day - Android
Faith No More - The Crab Song
Beastie Boys - Hey Ladies
One Way Sytem -  Cum on Feel the Noize
Tom Petty - It's Good to Be King
Jem - Finally Woken
Tom Waits - Hold On
 
I think I could use a shower, a drink and a nap, but not necessarily in that order :)
 

Tuesday, January 3, 2006

I fought the blog and the blog won

Good news kids! Flyaway Minion has four dates coming up! Four things for me to look forward to in 2006! Yippee!
 
I told a bunch of people that next time the band played that they were coming with me. 1/11 is out because it's a school night, and here we all thought getting older would alleviate that problem!  Two of the dates are in Cincy, so for the time being they are out because I don't really feel like going to Cincy. So, Friday the 13th at Canal Street Tavern it is! I really hope no one backs out. I hate it when that happens. Plus, Canal Street is a pretty intimate venue and I might faint (or worse) from all the excitement.
 
I can not wait. I downloaded the mp3s from their website http://www.flyawayminion.com last week. (You can hear other songs at http://www.myspace.com/flyawayminion.)
 
All this Friday the 13th talk made me laugh to myself. Several years ago, I wrote a poem called Friday the 13th Dreaming. I dug it up when I got home from work, and now I am going to post it here. Beware, it's epic.
 
Friday the 13th Dreaming
 
This day has never bothered me
Every other day of my life has
Been unlucky so it's nothing new.
Usually it just conjures up the
Image of that hitchhiker getting it
And banana and blood spewing.
 
My new issue of Rolling Stone
Came in the mail today,
And now I am sitting
Dreaming about being an interview.
Being important enough that
Someone wants to know what
I think about anything.
 
I'd be witty and wonderful,
And talk about things like
My greatest influences
And musical taste and
Tell them what
Seems to really drive me
Is my incredible propensity
For making bad decisions.
 
It's a perfect day for dreaming.
Cool, crisp, lazy July.
 
And I think about you.
Probably the worst kind of dreaming.
Wondering exactly what your thinking.
Wondering if there is anything about
Me that is possibly interesting to you.
Trying to conjure up ways to seduce you.
 
Alice says I just need to be witty.
I told her I don't know how,
At leeast not with you.
I suppose it's become idol worship,
Or something on that level.
Sitting here day after day,
Seeing more and more that I like,
And thinking more and more
That maybe I missed a connection
Somewhere and that I'll never
Ever get back on the right flight.
 
As torturous as it is,
I don't really mind being friends.
God knows, I need them right now.
But it would be nice to feel like
Someone really needed me.
To think that I wasn't the only one
Wasting hours dreaming about things
To do when you come home,
Secretly planning dates.
 
I'd ask you blunty to share
With me your feelings,
But there's truth in what
That song says about there
Being innocence in dreaming.
In this dream world,
At least there is still
A glimmer of hope,
A whim of a chance.
 
I keep examining everything,
And it is disheartening to
Think that all I want
I won't ever get.
To think that rock 'n roll dreams
Don't come true.
To think that maybe Dave was right
That someday, I would grow up
And marry an accountant,
And stop lusting after bad boys.
 
I hardly think of you as a bad one,
Again a testament to how little
I might know about you.
But with all I do know,
I can not imagine you as
Inherently evil,
Only mischevious.
 
I might even say something about
That in my RS interview.
Tell them about my reoccuring
Fantasies starring you.
Talk about how, despite all of
The frustrations, all of the
disappointments, you make me
Feel like the reast of the world
Doesn't exist.
 
And when you read that article
In some hotel lobby somewhere,
You'll discover that all of this
So-called talent of mine sat
Dormant for years,
And that there was something
About knowing you,
That helped me know myself.
Not because of being together
Or thinking about being together,
But because of all the times apart.
 
In idle thoughts, I would remember,
A world I used to know.
The first time I think I saw you,
Singing onstage.
And the first time that I really
Acknowledged your existence,
Standing in the wings,
Waiting to go on.
Or that night night I was informed that
my partner in ladies' room chatter
Was your girlfriend.
 
But in all of this remembering,
I've unearthed a memory of
Inferiority.
A thought that I could never win,
A thought that given where I
Stand in this life has
Been multiplied billion-fold.
 
Se, this day is no big deal,
I have always been unlucky.
 
 
Shwoo! See, I told you it was long! As a side note, the guy who inspired this poem disappeared of the face of the earth about 2 months later. Fear not, though, he magically reappeared two years later eventually rendering me unable to watch When Harry Met Sally without breaking down into hysterical, heart-wrenching crying. I got what I wanted though, and as bad as it felt when it all fell out giddy, happy, joy, joy, I'm glad. I wouldn't be saying that though if things had not been said since then. I'd still do anything for that boy, well, except for other girls and farm animals. There's always been something, and there always will be something but it's just not that something that gets to be together.
 
Enough of all this, y'all need to get back to work :)  

Monday, January 2, 2006

You wouldn't believe me if I told you...

Happy New Year to all!
 
I really hope that these first two days are not going to be indicative of the kind of year that I am going to have 'cuz uh, yeah, I dunno. It wouldn't necessarily be bad, but I don't know it wouldn't be good either.
 
I had the opportunity to spend my New Year's at the Trolley. Alone-ish. I mean, it's not the kind of place where you are ever alone. People talk to you etc, etc. I actually now know the names of people that I see down there all time. It was a good time. I ended up meeting some people who invited me to hang with them, could have been cool but it ended up being most egregiously uncool.
 
That's where the you wouldn't believe me if I told you comes in. These folks all work for a local TV station, and really the one ought to better manage his company before it ruins his career. I don't care what sort of things people do in their free time, none of that's the issue. Well, not entirely. What if I wasn't the essence of coolness that I am? What if I was a different sort of person who found that the further from the "norm" a lifestyle is the more offensive it is?
 
No offense to the guy I am talking about but that is a much sadder loneliness than anything I'll ever know. Just an observation really, just seems like his two friend's weren't good friends. Didn't have his best interest at heart, especially you know bringing a bunch of people to his place.
 
Doesn't matter, I'll never see them socially. Things got ugly, not violent or a situation I couldn't handle but enough to know that there were some pretty malevolent souls in that group. It's kind of a shame, but what can you do? Besides I met a whole lot of beautiful souls that night too, and I will see them again so it all works out.
 
I'm frustrated today because all I wanted to do is get the house cleaned and back in working order. It's not working out that way. My help is no help at all. As a matter of fact, she has taken to playing with the collection of Furbies that Christmas brought her.
 
I'm frustrated because at some point in putting away the Christmas decorations,  the box fell and a whole lot of ornaments broke. Of course, it wasn't the crappy ones. Most of them were the one's that Jordan and I made when she was 2, sigh.
 
I'm frustrated because my dad said he'd come over today so we could get the garbage disposal in but he hasn't.
 
I'm frustrated because I need help and it doesn't seem to matter who I ask for it from, I don't get it. So somehow I am supposed to be happy in this life where my squalid little apartment makes crack den's look like the Ritz. I really could go on and on, but what's the point no one's listening any better now than they were before.
 
Earlier I got on to check my mail, and my horoscope email wouldn't work. I always find it funny. I know logically that it just means that someone fucked up the scripts or whatever, but it's more fun to think that no horoscope is some sort of cosmic sign or something. I ended up actually logging onto the site to see my "personalized" horoscope. So, to end today's blog, I will share with you my forecast for today and tomorrow. Apparently, it really is going to be a strange year for me...
 

Today (01/02/2006)  Next Day

Your involvement in groups and organizations will result in newfound friends or even potential mates. You will have a lot to offer the groups you join, and you can count on getting the support you're looking for, if you use your charm to get your way.   (21%)

You will not get along with family members during this period. You'll be inclined to boss others around and only see your side of any situation. This is not the best time to deal with issues that involve your romantic partner.   (22%)

You will do well at this time if you invest in precious objects that will grow in value. You will have an interest in products or services for the home, and could earn your living by working with such products.   (75%)

Abusive relationships will result if you let someone you care about dominate you at this time.   (21%)

Social activities will be plentiful. You will have a greater concern with children. Expect your creative abilities to surface. You will be in the mood for love and romance. Plan something special for the one you love. This is not the best period to take financial risks.  (50%)

Your involvement with work-related activities will result in financial gains. You will find it easy to reach your deadlines if are willing to work at home. You will be rewarded if you assist someone who can not do things for themself.  (30%)

You will have problems with children during this transit if you have any. Your choices of entertainment will be bizzarre during this period and could lead to dangerous situations.   (20%)

You will be looking for companionship during this period. Organizations will welcome your energetic contributions to their cause.   (70%)

You will be inclined to want to jump from one position or profession to another during this period. You will learn quickly, and you can make some positive moves.   (21%)

You will get along well with authorities during this period. Your ability to take a position of leadership will also put you in a good position when dealing with others. You will do well in your personal investments.  (21%)

Tomorrow (01/03/2006) Previous Day

You aren't likely to keep the promises you make at this time, and this will cause problems with family members. You will not have a clear view of yourself or of your life.   (79%)

You will experience relatively good health throughout this period. You'll put a lot of energy into your work and your future. Keep a good cheery bedside manner when taking care of others.   (76%)

You will be preoccupied and concerned with health, diet, work and your own well-being. If you allow things to get to you, you will experience stress, resulting in nervous tension. Don't let colleagues take advantage of you.  (50%)

You'll have trouble getting along with partners at this time. Anger will only make matters worse. Discretion must be used when getting into relationships.   (31%)

This transit will enhance your intuition, allowing you to tune in to the thoughts of those you love. You will meet lovers and partners in strange places or under unusual circumstances.   (79%)

Deal with the important partners in your life. This is a great time to deal with emotional issues that have been concerning you.   (80%)

This transit will enable you to earn your living in an unusual manner.You will have unique connections to those you work with.   (82%)