Ohio is for Lovers

"I am a deeply superficial person" -Andy Warhol 

Aren't we all?  

So, I was thinking about dating as I drifted to sleep last night. I'm realizing that I really need to define things before I jump back on that horse. Actually, I have been thinking about that for a while. Looking backward hurts my neck so I'm just gonna look forward. Without further adieu, here's my deeply superficial list of things that I am looking for in my next (and hopefully) last one (for a very longtime, if not forever).

 v     Hands bigger than mine, because I'm very self-conscious of the size of my hands. It has nothing to with any allusions to sizes of other body parts. Just a hang-up of mine...

v     An ability not to conjure up the Pink Floyd tune "Mother". Really, that's not a good song for a girl you're trying to woo to get stuck in her head. I'm not saying relationships with your family are bad. I'm just saying apron strings and umbilical cords should have been cut a long time ago. There is a big BIG difference between a having a good relationship with your mother and being her co-dependent eunuch. I seem to get a lot of the latter. Maybe there is something to be said for orphans...

v     A job, I know so completely unreasonable of me to expect someone to be a contributing member of society. I am flypaper for the unemployed, no joke. I used to make allowances for that based on other redeeming qualities. I now follow the Madonna philosophy,"Only boys who save their pennies make my rainy days."

v     Taller than me. I've run out of patience for short men and their attitude. Although, I suppose they could say the same about me and my tallish chick attitude. There a multitude of reasons I can think of on why I would like this.

v     Three up/Three down. Lynn says she's going to make me stick to this rule of no more than three years difference in either direction. In retrospect, there is a lot of sense in this. I'd rather not think about the specific cases of outliers, but let me just say it wasn't pretty.

v     I'm a little tired also of feeling much more manly than my dates. Lynn says that what I am calling manly is really independence, but at any rate as much as I like wearing pants I like skirts too. It would be nice to get to be "girly" every once in awhile without having to coordinate the whole damn thing myself.

v     Discretion really is the better part of valor. "I'm not the type of kid who likes my biz in the streets" I've never been one to divulge every juicy details to my girls. I think it's called respect for the other person. Call me crazy, but I expect that from someone I am with. There are exceptions, but these exceptions only present themselves if I really like you and I really trust you. I'm not stupid, I know you need something to brag about and if you're really good and I really like you I might even back-up the most insane Penthouse letter you can conjure up.

v     Stand by your man. Is it so much to ask for? You have my back, I have yours. Unfortunately, it's been a long, long time since I had someone around that I could blindly, stupidly defend. Sometimes that's all anyone really needs is someone who believes in them unconditionally. Someone who will back up all their idle affectations with action. Action really does speak louder than words, especially when those words are the shit you speak behind my back.

Err, I think that's enough for now. Maybe not as shallow as you had all hoped, but gimme a break this vapid thing is new to me.

Speaking of vapid, a certain so and so has sent me 2 or 3 emails this week. Um, correct me if I am wrong because I most certainly could be but if you're gonna get up in my bro's face and talk about me, you can't email me later like it never happened. There is no hey what's up allowed. Is she so daft that she didn't think that he would tell me? Hehe, my other bro saw her over the weekend and sent me a wonderfully long text message about it. I can imagine him and his friend hunching down in the booth at Steak N Shake to avoid being spotted.

There was a glimmer of employment hope on my answering machine today. I'm not going to get super worked up about it. I'm just going to take it as a small sign that I am not a worthless loser with a worthless college degree.

With that, I'm off...