Thursday, December 29, 2005
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Or for those of you choosing not to live life as a piece of French New Wave cinema...
The cell is dead.
Not that it should come as any surprise to anyone, but if you want you can let out a "Quelle surprise!" who am I to stop you?
It was only 5 years old. On it's, I dunno, 6th or 7th face. Had no antenna, no send button, it was due.
What really sucks is that I got lazy and all my numbers were stored on there, so later today I am going to send a lovely bulk mailing to those whose numbers I haven't recovered from my memory. Actually, I might just send all so that I can clean out my address book while I am at it. I can get a few because I can look online at my log, but I'd rather bug people. Interestingly enough to are 2 numbers that called me in the past 3 weeks that I do not know who they belong to, no guess at all. I thought about calling them to see who they are, but I'm not that brave. Also, there are a couple from plenty of fish, that I don't want to accidentally talk to at all.
Speaking of plenty of fish, I completely deleted my profile there. Nothing but a hassle really...
So, they (my co-workers) got lunch, didn't ask me, pas c'est de surprise! Again with the chances and the not being asked, ugh!
I will be getting a new phone, maybe today, but probably not until next week.
Nose to grindstone...now...well, sorta J
Monday, December 26, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Thursday, December 22, 2005
The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping
The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want to Fight)
Elmo & Patsy - Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer
Tom Waits - Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis (Maybe not really a Christmas song, but hell, it's got it in the title)
Run DMC - Christmas in Hollis (How come I never hear that on the Muzak?!)
Traditional Hymn - Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence (Don't be so shocked, my souls not entirely black)
The Pogues (featuringKirsty MacColl) - Fairytale of New York (I never, never, NEVER get tired of this song. If I had to make a list of all time favorite songs, this song would make that list. I love the Pogues, and really miss my old tapes.)
I guess that would be a start. There are so many Christmas songs in existence that it makes you wonder why only the same five are played over and over 'til I feel like driving candy canes through my ears to stop the pain. I've been lucky enough to find a few CDs that don't suck. Right now, I am listening to Tom Waits rendition of "Silent Night" which will be followed by Jewel singing "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer". It's a surprisingly good CD. It also has Tori Amos, Pearl Jam, and Smashing Pumpkins to name a few.
Outside of the those overplayed renditions of those limited songs, oh and that freakin' stupid Red Shoe song, I am a vehemently opposed to Beatles songs (in general and at Christmas). I just think that the Beatles place in rock 'n roll history has been overstated. I'm not saying they didn't have a few good songs, I'm just saying there are a lot of other musicians and groups that have had (and still have) great influence on the scene. I guess I have just never really been able to buy into the hype, and if that makes me wrong, I don't want to be right. I don't want to be a merry little scenester talking the trash the Rolling Stone feeds me. And I don't care how many people claim the Beatles to be their biggest influence, the only band that has ever really even sounded remotely close to the almighty Beatles is Oasis.
But what do I know, I'm just the biller...
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
This place called work. I need a new one. Desparately need a new one!
These are the people who drive me bonkers.
Not everyone is here, but this is my office, these are my co-workers. In case you need help, I am in jeans and a tiara (which felt surprisingly natural). This, of course, is from Halloween. (Another example of how I am kept informed of things here. First we were, then we weren't, lucky for them I have a lot of things I can improvise with.)
I am not going to ramble on about all that, all of that which vexes and annoys me. I might as well not be here.
It's days like this that really make me which I didn't quit PAG, even though Lynn says it's worse than it was a year ago.
Instead, I want to say a word about Jordan. Or better yet, ask a question.
How did I get so lucky?
She is not without her faults and idiosyncrasies that drive me to drink, but she's really a damn good kid with a big damn heart. She's pretty smart and pretty confident, and I have a hard time some days believing that she came from me. Then she opens her smart-ass mouth and I know she's mine J
I've been thinking about that all day. Thinking about how she wanted to buy me a new cell phone for Christmas, because it is something I really need. (I should get a pic of my current one up here.) Thinking about how, she insisted on going to Lowe's last night to buy her gym teacher a poinsettia and the look on her gym teachers face this morning when Jordan gave it to her. Or all of her comments last night watching Nanny 911. She cracks me up.
It just makes me wish even more that things weren't so sucky.
Monday, December 19, 2005
The subject has nothing to do with the snow or the ice or the cold, it just happens that I have the Jethro Tull song stuck in my head, and I have for about three days now. I tend to think that there is a reason that happens. A reason other than being plum crazy! I could understand if it was like say a Fall Out Boy song because in the short time I have owned that CD I have played it to point of physical wear or any of the other things that I have played ad nasueam. I haven't actually heard that song in awhile, because I haven't really been listening to the radio or hanging out with my dad. So, I guess later I look up the lyrics and what gives.
I had thought of continuing the dream thing, but last nights dream was so disjointed. It does not help that I didn't sleep very well. Congested kid sleeping with me. I put the dog in the kennel (which is in my room) so that she wouldn't destroy the food presents that are wrapped and under the tree. The cat decided that he wanted to dance in his cat box (in my bathroom), cough up hairballs, and whine about not being able to go out. It's a wonder I even made it into dream state.
There is no real news to report. Busy getting the last bits of Christmas together, and hoping that everything is going to work out. It's looking like I may not go to Elbo's like I planned because Jordan would like to go see the lights in Washington Township, and she informed me last night that The Ringer (starring Johnny Knoxville) comes out Friday. I'm not a huge fan of any of this work, but within nanoseconds of the preview I knew that it could be the kind of wrong that I appreciate.
I think if I could figure out how to make these next 5 hours less boring then I'd be in good shape.
Sunday, December 18, 2005
"One Laptop for Every Child" thing, because this will change life as we know it. I was reading about this before I got his comment, and it's pretty cool and it's gonna run on Linux. And if it really and truly materializes, then Windows would pretty much be shut. But what do I know, I am just the biller :)
Friday, December 16, 2005
"There are somethings I can't report
The memory of his last retort
But it was so much easier
When I was cruel"
When I Was Cruel No.2
For some reason, I am into my second listening of the When I Was Cruel album today. Actually, I think it is because I had a vision of my life as an art film short, and this seems the most appropriate of the CDs I have here at work. More appropriate would be somber violins, but since this would be an American film I think they should be fiddles, a somber, sweet bluegrass melody accompanying me through the silence of my day and on through to the credits. Seriously. I know I have complained of the sensory deprivation chamber on more than one occasion, but it's really more than just that which sucks.
People here act as if I am from another planet, or at the very least another country. There are a lot of times in work situations that I don't mind being left out, like when I was a PAG and people didn't ask me if I wanted anything because someone going out for you usually meant that you were expected to reciprocate in the future. There is nothing I hate more than doing lunch orders for 5 picky people. I've done it here a few times, god forbid someone's gets a taco that's hard or a burrito that's got onions. This though is much different.
I notice that I am the only one without a Santa hat. I notice that no one (in power) said anything to me about the cancellation of the Christmas party. I notice a lot of things like that. I mean I notice the closed body language. I notice the blank stares when I say something, you know the whole maybe if we don't say something she'll just go back to her cave sort of thing. Eight hours a day of this, and did I mention the hum of the HVAC system slowly reprogramming my brain?
Did I mention that it is freezing in here?
I found some poems shoved in my desk drawer, so I figure I'll share them here. They were both written 10/31/05. The first is called Eulogy, the second is untitled.
If anyone knew how I felt about the world,
It was definitely you.
Well, at least it should have been.
God knows, I told you enough to fill volumes.
Had you actually listened to me,
Rather than always pretend, you wouldn't be here.
I told you months ago that I was tired of it all.
It should have been obvious that I was cleaning house.
The day I told Mr.Benchley where to go,
It should have put you on notice.
All I wanted
A few hours
It didn't matter where
I just wanted to see
All I wanted
A meal with someone
Who might wear something
Other than the same cruddy
Football jersey week after week
I wish this whole blog thing was working out differently. I wanted it to be entertaining like my friend Jon's blog was ( hansarde.blogspot.com ) but it just isn't working out like that...
More later probably, because I am sure my mail will bring something horrible... it always does.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
What I wouldn't give right now to have a team of sled dogs! My piece o' shite Alero is on my last nerve. It's a great car as long as it's warm and dry, but cold and wet, you might as well stay home.
The car, just another of the things that seem to be not the way they should. I had a pretty bad night last night. Silly yet annoying things that just make me feel like the whole world is pissing on my head. Put into context though, one of my friends had a worse night and I really hope that things get better in her situation. It's rough all around anymore, that's what I've noticed.
I just hate this. I'm just trying to get some place comfortable, someplace happy. I want to feel like the past ten years of my life haven't been a tremendous waste of time and money.
But mostly right now, I want to go home. Well, or at least not be at work. I have shopping to do damn it!
I want one good day, and I want it to flow into two good days, and I want a good life.
So much to do, so little time!
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
That's what I am right now this very second, sitting at work, $11.00 out of balance. It's bloody annoying, too.
It's been soo quiet today. Then again, it's quiet for me everyday. This dismal cell they call an office. Very little human contact, social interaction, whatever, it's a wonder I'm not completely mad!
Jess bought me a gift. Aww! Made me feel warm and fuzzy for a little bit, especially because didn't get things for everyone here. Not that I blame her, I've been on that should I or shouldn't I kick these past few days. People are just so ungrateful and I am just so poor. I saw some tins of cookies at Trader Joe's for two bucks. I thought I might go that route, but I haven't really decided yet.
I slept horribly last night. As I lingered in bed this morning, it was really frustrating the way my tired eyes hurt so bad. I ended up getting out of the house by like 7:10am because I put an offer out to Jo that if she was up and ready to go by five after we would stop at Tim Horton's. (She waited patiently in the car for me for five minutes in case you were wondering.) It was kind of a nice change. Tried something called a Hot Smoothie (minds up out of the gutter please) and it wasn't half bad.
So, December 23 at Elbo's is Holidayton. A ton of bands playing, very seriously thinking of going looks like a good time, honestly I think the last time I saw Legbone they were liquid. (Give yourself points if you laughed at that one.) And there is some others that I have heard a lot about Joe Anderl, Flyaway Minion, etc etc. Plus, I can wear my recently acquired "hoochie" pants. They really aren't bad by themselves but with the matching top, yeah that's how they got dubbed hoochie pants. It is also entirely possible that A1 might just happen to be there. Not that I would pursuit that on that particular night, but I do think that I should like very much to be in that general vicinity unleashing my saucy vixen side...if I can find it. Still a little undecided, though, as I would like some peeps to go with me and hang. Any one reading this really ought to consider going, I have never not had a good time going to shows. Truly horrible bands don't tend to get gigs, so nights out don't tend to suck.
Well, with that said, I am off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of snow turning to freezing rain right in time for the afternoon drive.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Wednesday, December 7, 2005
So, I asked A2 out. He said no, said he's already got something going on.
Whatever... I should have known.
Sure, there is still A1, but that's like one of those things. I don't doubt that in the short term we'd have a lot of fun, but I want more than that.
I think I am going to close my office door and cry...
What was I thinking believing that just maybe something might swing to my favor?
I guess, it's like the line from the Fall Out Boy song,
"The best part of believe is the lie."
Monday, December 5, 2005
That's what I am doing today, explaining it all away. It's just some funky chemical thing. That's all.
It is peculiar though, the way that seeing someone more than you see your own family or friends can evoke such feelings.
Such infatuation. Such twitterpation. Such a crush I haven't had in sometime.
I'm very nearly on the edge of the verge of the rim of doing something about it. Really I am. It's just difficult. I can't say, "Hey would you like to go for drinks or something?" in a lobby of people. Discretion is the better part of valor, plus it's way less embarrassing to both parties,
The girls I work with think I should call and ask for him, but I still have issue with that since it's just unprofessional.
I'll figure it out. I always do. Until then, I guess I'll use frozen foods as cover to stare wistfully in the general direction of the bank.
Pizza rolls anyone?