What is my purpose? Or my perhaps my frustration is part of my charm.

Two Roads Diverged...because I couldn't use the camera properly. 

What is my purpose? It is an assignment of sorts that I was supposed to explore and report my answers to my sponsors. Honestly, the whole teleconference put a bad taste in my mouth. I think there is a whole unhealthy movement that asks people to kill every spiritual aspect of themselves and work themselves half to death. That's pretty much what was being said. Mom in the hospital, go to work. House in foreclosure, go to work. Entire family killed in a freak accident...go to work. No money for food....go to work. What's wrong with work you may be asking yourself at this point. Nothing...if you are getting paid. The work referred to in this little conference is direct sales work. So, working in this case entails driving to someone else's house and giving a demo and praying that someone buys something.

I fully resent the attitude amongst these so called leaders that if you aren't making money, then you must not be working. Perhaps, I am not a sociopath who wants to accost everyone I meet with a sales pitch. Prior to my current attachment, I had tried out a couple of other ones. If I had stuck, I would have been moderately successful but I just lacked the passion...didn't like that flavor of Kool-Aid. And no, I don't think sociopath is too strong a word. Think about it...when in your entire working life have you ever let your work bleed into everything. When I worked at Meijer, I certainly never spent every waking hour telling people about Meijer and what Meijer has to offer.

I am a smart woman. I have a business degree. I have a family. I have a life. I am not trying to be mean. I certainly know too that there will be throngs of people defending the lifestyle. I have not hit my mark two months in a row. I could have if I had made the additional purchase myself. I am not willing to do that. First of all, if I am always having to make up the difference then I am not a representative of a company I am a member of a shopping club. Secondly, it's irresponsible and tad dishonest to do so in my opinion. Irresponsible in that I picked up this gig to make money, so if I am not selling, I don't have money, so I would be spending money I don't have. Dishonest, in that the reflected sales numbers are artificial. I know that on a regular basis reps recruit other reps on the basis of their numbers...their padded numbers.

I have had people tell me that THAT is how sales works. I know most certainly it is not. My husband has never come home and said,"Hey honey, who do we know that could use a consultation about their employee benefits?" or "How do you feel about buying a schedule of quarter page ads so that I can hit my goals?"

I have done a lot of work. Here: www.GetCleverNow.com. and here www.facebook.com/CleverNow
I have built a pretty significant fan base in a short time too. There are a lot of hours in those activities. My husband has pointed out on more than one occasion that if I were in a real job I would be making money right now.

sigh, and therein lies the bigger problem. I looked at this line of work as an option because I live in a county with 9.4% unemployment. Actually, at the time I started this journey it was closer to 11%. I have pounded the pavement 'til I had blisters on my psyche. All this rejection takes a toll on a person. Someone told me not to take it personally, but I am not sure how that's supposed to work. If getting or not getting a job is based on me as a person and my skills, how is repeatedly not being the best person for the job NOT supposed to get to me?

I spent most of yesterday applying online for jobs I never thought I'd ever have to think about taking as a primary job since I have a college degree. I figure if they only want to pay 8-10 in a line where I used to make much more, I might as well just look at jobs that pay that low and require far less effort on my part.

I had built a couple of Amazon stores, and I was hoping to do something with them. Two go with the Clever business. One is additional organizing products, the other is a work around for out of country fans that I have. The third store I built is sitting at https://sites.google.com/site/nomorefacials/ it's incomplete. I know I am not the only one who doesn't get down with all this manufactured "girlfriend" bs. I just don't have the energy to keep working with no results.

In all of this I did have an idea for a marketing directory, but the cost is the killer. It's not super expensive, but my lack of technical prowess as far as truly knowing HTML, etc could elevate the cost substantially if I were to have to hire someone.

I wonder why I am given all these ideas but never the means to complete them?

What is my purpose? I couldn't really say anymore. I try to go with the flow, but anymore it takes a lot of effort to do that. I am grateful for a great many things, and even if I don't publish them everyday it doesn't mean they aren't there. I just can't get down with, get my head around certain more esoteric outlooks on life. Anyway...

As always, there is a song in my head. I am posting the acoustic version of "Jenny I Read" by Concrete Blonde. It's not as angrily intense as the original version, so I guess it's a bit like me :-P
I do like this song. I have since it came out. I always wished I could sound like Johnette. Enjoy!