Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Starting where you are and doing what you can with what you've got
And in truth, I wrote that sentence over a month ago. Seriously, I started to write but actually got distracted by my son...and by the time I got back to what I was doing I had lost steam. It must be a place I am in currently though because I still find ideas flying at me faster than I can do anything about them.
Start Where You Are always comes to mind for me because I read the Pema Chodron book of the same name quite a few years back. I try to keep in mind that for anything that you start, you have to start right where you are. You have to use what you have. And there is that whole work thing in there.
I feel really overwhelmed by own brain right now. I want to develop this blog. I want to help my husband with enpde. I have ideas about event planning. I have ideas about getting my MBA. I have vacation ideas. I have ideas for turning a dead blog into something useful for others. I have ideas for dinner. I have ideas that will keep me busy well into the next century.
I can get started, but I'm not sure what I have got. Are my ideas good? I am not going to lie, some days I wonder if I am not living in some completely delusional fantasy that I even have a creative bone in my body. All the self doubt seems counterproductive, but it's where I am at. I can't move forward until I figure out what's up with this yoke around my neck.
It's funny about ideas. I could claim them to be divine inspiration, but then when they all fail miserably it sort of contradicts my idea of a benevolent god who loves me. I could claim them side effects of mental illness which is great if they fail. If they succeed though, then they are overshadowed by the whole overcoming the odds story.
Maybe there is something to my joking that I want to be an oracle when I grow up. With all these ideas, I could certainly pawn a few of them off to people who are more motivated, more prepared, more equipped than me. But then, that goes into my whole Idiocracy conundrum. I can relate too well with Joe and his always getting out of the way whenever the command to "Lead., Follow, or Get Out of the Way" is presented.
I don't know. On some levels it is driving me nuts because I have just felt so uninspired and unaccomplished over the past couple years that it seems cruel that this would all happen at once. Seriously, so much has changed since I wrote that first sentence a month ago! Heck, not even changed, just happened. It feels like the last month was years ago. It makes me wonder how next month will play out. Is there something good at the end of this blur or is it that burst of energy before I implode?
at 7:30 AM