Friday

DMB "Grey Street" was just playing on the ol' Muzak. I really like that song, but don't tell anybody. Especially right now when it seems so appropriate to the way I am feeling. So I might as well put the lyrics here, eh, well, at the end. It'll be a nice way to close.

I need to stop going to break with Angie before I redevelop a smoking habit.

For about the past, oh I don't six or seven years, my response to anything has been to retreat into myself. It's pretty easy to avoid things and people aren't usually smart enough to even call you on it. Oh sure, Alice once told me that someone I had dated for a longtime made me boring. I've always been inclined to agree. Multiple reasons really...keeping up appearances...less of a freak than me...preoccupied with finishing school...and a whole lot of I can't believe I ever let someone like that break my heart. IT really SHOULD have BEEN the OTHER way AROUND!

I truncated myself. I have realized this for a while. I don't know how to fix it. I don't think I can fix it by myself. It scares me. I thought that this was fixing it, but I know I was wrong. I let someone shame me into being something I am not.

I really want to do that now...totally go into Jenny-land but I haven't. It's evident to some of the people around me, too. Yesterday Jess asked me what I was on because of the way I was acting, and then wouldn't believe me when I told her nothing.

I only say I don't know because it's the most appropriate short answer I've got right now.

 
Grey Street
 

       
 

Oh, just sitting while she listens
She says I don't need this place
It seems a million years she's stuck here
But says nothing of what she thinks

She thinks, hey,
How did I come to this?
I dreamt like anybody else one night
I would be a beautiful princess.

But then the roads in the park fall
And then she rode the line in
And the colors mix together to grey
And break me out

Oh, when I'm indifferent
She prays to God most every night
Although she swears he doesn't listen
There's hope in her that he just might

She says, I pray
But then my prayer fall on deaf ears
I'm supposed to take it all myself
To get out of this place.

She feels the lumps in the heart fall
And she rose up in the back
She hears the cars scream out from outside
And she whispers sometimes about this
But the colors mix together to grey
And wake me up

Oh, he grows up living
He says take what you can from your dreams
Make them real as anything
It takes the work out of the courage

She said, please,
There's a crazy man standing outside my door
I live on the corner of a dead end street
At the end of the world.

Oh, and the rocks out in the heart fall
And she dreams her way to life
And she knows no one will lift her
So she might as well do it herself

And then bummed out and worried
Of leaving city life
But all the colors mix together to grey
On grey street
On grey street
To grey street

Oh, when it comes down in your loving
Oh, well then baby it's right
You say you think you are nothing
No one else will do it for you
Reach up and grab hold of the sunlight
When you are waiting for what's right
You're holding on your heaven
Won't leave you, yeah, yeah...

And the colors mix together to grey
Wake me up, wake me up, wake me up
To grey.