If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Battle torn and war weary Wednesday...

So to start with a disclaimer, this post will probably not be kind, loving or very giving at all.Grr, growl, whatever other guttural sounds my brain can manage send to my mouth.Or maybe that's just the sound I make when it's full of Doritos. (PS, Jordan, sorry I just polished off the Doritos.)

I have felt off all day or awful today depending on how good your hearing is. Like break down and cry kind of off. Nothing particular comes to mind that might have triggered a day like this. Honestly, the things that did really get me were seemingly minor which leads me to believe that dealing with the stress and mess of the last couple months has really taken a toll on my ability to keep my stuff together.

What's further distressing to me about the way I feel right now is that I have really been working at staying positive and being a sane and rational adult. Is today my Flanders moment?  Granted, I didn't go off on anyone or anything. It wasn't like that but it could have been. All these big issues have taken all my energy. Idk, maybe it's job search anxiety, too. I am a horrible interview most of the time. I've never been successful at anything. I am not really even good at anything either. I suppose a lot of that is wearing on me lately too. I can't tell you about a time when some inane bullshit happened because quite frankly all of my jobs have been the same damn job with different titles and different drama, nor can I tell you how I handled it because I don't take my job home with me and my brain can barely retain the information that is required to by law and by motherhood, let alone the hold onto the memory of a time when some jackass was mean to me because he didn't get his way.

I am not unhappy, but I am not content. I had actually sat down to do this at the height of one of those teary-eyed moments earlier but thankfully got sidetracked by trying to find an appropriate one for this post. I found a couple but nothing will upload properly. Too bad. They're actually kind of funny.

So what was the point of this? Idk. I don't feel better. I don't feel like digging in to the depth of me to pinpoint the root of the problem. Really, I think it's just me. If it's any indication, I spent way to much time looking at Socially Awkward Penguin memes today.

That swan thing is a totally myth. Sometimes you just grow up into a sadder, geekier, more awkward version of your child self.

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