Maybe I should do something with all these drafts

I have four drafts just sitting here, incomplete, unposted, neglected.

I have a lot of incomplete, neglected, unfinished, unposted business in my life.

I don't like that theme.

Deep breath.

Maybe I need that guy from Moral Kombat to pop up in life with the command to finish...whatever it is I need to finish. Finish the dishes. Finish the business plan. Finish the blog. Finish the cinnamon rolls.

It's not that I lack motivation. I just can't get past this sense of futility in life, in love, in only eating one Pringle. I am not depressed or super discontent or anything except discouraged and mired in fear.

Every step forward seems to be met with a donkey kick backwards.

I don't like that theme.

Maybe I should do something with all these drafts. I just don't know what yet.

What's in a name or should I stay or should I go?

I have this particular blog up for awhile. I covered this at some point and if I wasn't so lazy I would find the post and link to it. But anyway, I originally started this blog under this title because I was going promote fundraising things and whatnot. I don't mind the title but it seems restrictive. Do I just ignore that and keep pressing on or do I change it and lose what has been built up over two years?

See, I have a much better title idea. It's one of those titles that I could encompass my entire life under and it's way more fitting. It's a title I could own. But I couldn't just change the layout of this one because one title with a tisbetter2give.blogspot.com doesn't make that much sense. Although, in light of the title in my head, it could cuz well, just trust me the title in my head lends itself to illogical hodgepodge.

Illogical hodgepodge. Story of my life.

I just don't know. I have had more than one person this week make a comment to me about my writing. It's like breathing to me, but apparently it means something to others too. I just feel restricted sometimes by the title.

Does it matter? I mean would you care if your Kindness in Giving page talked about crazy stuff that sometimes wasn't kind or giving or loving?

I am making a scrinchy face now because I just don't know. I would love to take this and make this what I need, what my family needs, what my readers need BUT I just don't know. How do you build something like that. Is it possible to have this name and attract people or do I need something cooler.

I have something cooler. Like it's like I am totally in love with it cool and twenty, thirty years from now it would still probably be meaningful to me.

I could just go though. I mean, honestly, I have a hard time keeping on task with all this. There's a lot of work and I don't always have the time or technology to do what I need to do to seem all engaged and plugged in.

More scrinchy face. I do have a whole, um, business plan around this and if I were to focus there is a certain void this could fill. Can I focus though? I can't even decide about the title, so what do you think?

Extreme scrinchy face.

Help.

If you give away the links for free, they won't wanna read the blog

So, um, yes, I might be in a slightly less than positive mood today. Mostly great weekend, no big deal, couple of things in their but nothing that would triggered this. No, woke up Monday morning just feeling slightly off and just never got up from that point.

Monday, also not a horrible day...except for my husband leaving all the clean laundry strewn across the bed and doing my business accounting. Nothing can break your illusions about yourself quicker than accounting...and teenagers.

I have worked very hard over the past year on all these little projects, and nothing has come to any point that reflects the amount of time and energy expended on these projects. Okay, I'll say it money, none of these projects have returned the amount of money that reflects the effort. I was sitting flipping through blogs that are pretty wildly popular and they are crap. There's no substance, it's all giveaway and nonsense.

So, yeah, I am a little disgruntled at the moment. Having a tad bit of existential blues which seemingly I am the only person in the entire world who ever feels like this, because if there were more people would actually be reading this.

And to compound matters, I had this whole fantastic idea come to me last week that is just...well, fantastic. It's not even worth going into. I am entertaining the idea that I was a fool to think and believe if I followed what was written on my heart that it might actually make me happy. It's never been some half-baked, overblown delusion of disproportionate payout. I just wanted to be successful at something for once in my life.

It's never in the cards for me though, is it?