If you give away the links for free, they won't wanna read the blog

So, um, yes, I might be in a slightly less than positive mood today. Mostly great weekend, no big deal, couple of things in their but nothing that would triggered this. No, woke up Monday morning just feeling slightly off and just never got up from that point.

Monday, also not a horrible day...except for my husband leaving all the clean laundry strewn across the bed and doing my business accounting. Nothing can break your illusions about yourself quicker than accounting...and teenagers.

I have worked very hard over the past year on all these little projects, and nothing has come to any point that reflects the amount of time and energy expended on these projects. Okay, I'll say it money, none of these projects have returned the amount of money that reflects the effort. I was sitting flipping through blogs that are pretty wildly popular and they are crap. There's no substance, it's all giveaway and nonsense.

So, yeah, I am a little disgruntled at the moment. Having a tad bit of existential blues which seemingly I am the only person in the entire world who ever feels like this, because if there were more people would actually be reading this.

And to compound matters, I had this whole fantastic idea come to me last week that is just...well, fantastic. It's not even worth going into. I am entertaining the idea that I was a fool to think and believe if I followed what was written on my heart that it might actually make me happy. It's never been some half-baked, overblown delusion of disproportionate payout. I just wanted to be successful at something for once in my life.

It's never in the cards for me though, is it?

Sixteen Candles rotting my sponge-like brain that looks like a pinata

A little bit of an unintended hiatus there. Seriously, seriously off track...but the good news is my husband assures me that once he gets going this is going to be better than our wildest dreams.

True confession time...I often...while alone in my vehicle pop this CD and play this song at maximum volume. This is one of those songs... When it came out, I loved it. I didn't fully understand it but nonetheless looooved it. Flash forward, um, a few years...this isn't a song that I have listened to religiously but rather one I rediscovered. On some levels, I can see my life playing out as the video.

I know, my life as the video. How crazy! Then, this song was a catchy tune with a pop culture reference. Now, well, now I am an old married lady who has been on both sides of the "I wish I loved you" conundrum. A whole lot this song makes me think of someone with whom I was associated with on and off. I guess there is this whole thankful melancholy for me surrounding that song. I can wistfully remember those days of yore when seemingly dreamy guys continually fell short in the shining armor department. I am so glad that I do not have to worry about that kind of rejection and insecurity anymore.

But that whole "I wish I loved you" ugh, for me, even as a happily married woman it invokes such a feeling for me, a memory. When I hear those lyrics, my brain goes to specific moments in time that I was on either side of those lyrics more or less. I think that may actually be the worst feeling in the world...to be the person saying that. I have been on the other side, and it hurts but I think it's worse to be the deliverer of such news. The times I can think of in my life where that was the case, I did feel so awful that despite all else that part just didn't click.

I should probably find a new song to blast. These things go in cycles for me anyway. But what, what should be my next song? I think I have learned all I needed to from this one. It is certainly nice to think about these memories and be Mrs.Wolfe. If any of those non-reciprocating jokers had loved me, then I would be stuck with them right now. I believe stuck is the right word because well, I know...knew them. I can not imagine that I would be nearly as happy had things been different.

I do mean that. Both about the happiness and these things going in cycles for me. Not so long before Molly, the blasted song was Garbage "When I Grow Up". I wish I was half as hot as Shirley Manson. Most days I feel like I look more like Marilyn Manson. Perhaps, I need to latch on to "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story. But yeah, for some reason, that Garbage song really resonated with me for a long time. I think most of it was in an ironic way, but still.

As I am writing this, I realize that I think that the new song obsession is already fading in, I just hadn't realized it. I don't know though, if I am ready to admit my love affair with Oasis, though. "Roll With It" is in heavy rotation, just as heavy as "Molly" so maybe that's the one. Hmm, in light of the fact that I was singing it, it's more than a maybe...

...oh, who knows...

Enjoy the Sponge video that doesn't end with Bob Square Pants! I know for some of you a sponge without square pants is a real treat!