Til the Shackles Fall Off

The thing of it is a lot of times, I write what I am thinking or respond to something or am otherwise way too serious in some of these blog posts. Something I don't write enough about publicly is praise and gratitude and certainly not to the extent that I should. Last couple posts, may seem like I am not content. I am. I have been very chill the past couple of days. We all lose our cool sometimes, we all have days where we vent and thrash. It's all good as long as you don't live there.

It took me awhile to learn to channel my grumbling into gratitude but I am so very glad that I did. Oh I still have complaints but I very much try to not ride a downward spiral into the abyss of malcontent. Some days it is very easy to list a bazillion and a half reasons I am grateful. I am in the flow, everything is awesome, everything is coming up roses, there is a spring in my step. Easy...like Sunday morning (could not resist). Others I go to my standard I am having the shittiest soul sucking black hole of a day starters and even then it's debatable. My standard starters are: woke up this morning in a bed with food to eat, a roof over my head with clothes on my back and food in my cupboard. From there sometimes, the praises go up with ease. Other times, I really have to dig.

Peace in the storm is not something that Jenny accomplishes on her own. Never has been. I am not as strong as everyone gives me credit for in all honesty. Attaining the peace of God that passes understanding is a lot like the game Othello...a minute to learn, a lifetime to master. Yep, kids, it's that old Sunday School answer...Jesus. When he isn't busy building hot rods and turning water into wine, he is walking with me and talking with me and telling me that I am not alone. I have been thinking a lot about that tonight about how profoundly different that this journey would have been for me without my faith.

Deep in thought, this song came on the station that I am listening to tonight. I had never heard it before tonight. I have heard plenty of other songs with the same sentiment. But this, this was so appropriate to some of my trains of thought the past couple of days. Trains of thought that can best be summed up in words stolen from my 7 year old: sometimes you have to kick the devil in the crouch.

I have been hanging out in this prison, partially of my own design. I have been letting fear rule me in a lot of areas. I am so not about all that right now. I had a multitude of good girlfriend conversations this weekend. I think I shared that already. Thank God for all of them and their insights and wisdom. These shackles they chafe at times, who wants that?

As a point of reference, the song is referring to Acts 16:25-26:

25But about midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns of praise to God, and the prisoners were listening to them; 26and suddenly there came a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison house were shaken; and immediately all the doors were opened and everyone's chains were unfastened.…

I am going to wear my crown and my big girl shoes and keep singing praises and doing my own little touchdown dances. I am going to keep rephrasing my tribulations in the form of a thankfulness. I am going to keep on keeping on. These prison walls will break off and these shackles will fall!

I challenge you to take a deep breath and rephrase your tribulations in the form of thankfulness. Write out your gratitudes. Find joy in the little things. Praise BOGO sales and the dollar menu and open wifi! Break free from prison with me!

Getting What You Ask For: An Exuberant Declaration of Faith

A tad over a month ago, I posted on Facebook that I was in search of a vehicle under $4k and that I wasn't really picky about make and model and honestly what was important to me was sunroof, leather seats and a stereo system good enough to drown out everything mechanically wrong.

I got what I wanted. Isn't she a beauty? Sunroof. Leather Seats. Stereo with cassette AND six-disc CD player. Bonus, nothing mechanically wrong. Yes. Yes. It is a Lexus. It's irrelevant. Just more icing.

I am grateful that I got everything I asked for in this vehicle. I am astounded at how it all happened.

There are some very specific challenges in my life that I have been leaving off the blog because I really don't want to give them anymore life than they already have taken on. So that being said, the night that I met with the bankruptcy attorney rather than get down about the long and the short of things outside of my control, I decided to kind of poke around and see what vehicles would be under the exemption limit. This popped up on a search on the high end of the criteria. A few other things that caught my attention as well but then I just sort of filed it all in the back of my head. I had a number of things to do before I got to that point.

About three weeks went by before I sold the vehicle I needed to sell. The check hold gave me a few days to really do some legwork on what was next. At the time, I still had another vehicle but not one that was going to last long-term. This car was still coming up in searches. Being on the high end, I dismissed it. Well, at least I tried too. A strange chain of events caused me to be on the phone with my insurance agent. So, I figured I would ask for a quote and that would end the fantasy of this vehicle. My jaw dropped. About the same as I had been paying.

Hmm, okay. Then, my thought was this Lexus RX300 has to be a teaser car. Emailed the dealer. Nope. So I scheduled a test drive that night. She's not perfect but she's better than a lot of what was out there in my range.

I need to back up. Around the same time that I met the bankruptcy attorney, Psalm 27 started popping up all over the place for me. In whole and in part. For those of you not familiar, Psalm 27 is titled in the New King James Version as "An Exuberant Declaration of Faith" and goes as follows:

An Exuberant Declaration of Faith

A Psalm of David.

27 The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
² When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
³ Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.

⁴ One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
⁵ For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.

⁶ And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

⁷ Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
⁸ When You said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to You, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”
⁹ Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
¹⁰ When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take care of me.

¹¹ Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
¹² Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
¹³ I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.

¹⁴ Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

Back to the story at hand. After my test drive, I made an offer and while I waiting I noticed the number on the dealer plate that they had slapped on for my drive. 2710. So, in an effort to not worry about what was being done with my offer I pulled it up. The second verse jumped out at me...then the Lord will take care of me.

I am by no means a prosperity theology person. I don't believe that obedience brings material wealth or some other ways Biblical truth has been twisted to justify less than Biblical gains. But I do believed that God provides. And on April 7, He provided me with exactly what I asked for: leather seats, sunroof and a kick-ass stereo. I am grateful, so grateful for the way it all worked out.

As for the fact that it's a Lexus. I am pretty sure that can be filed under the way He uses the foolish to confound the wise. Or maybe it really is that He contends with those who contend with me and a little something about living well being the best revenge or something like that. I don't know. I am not bragging. I just want to encourage you to not settle. Don't let your circumstances dictate your choices or your critics get in the way of you receiving your blessings. Playas gonna play and haters gonna hate but a little faith and the right intentions who knows you could be driving a Mercedes Benz and get that color TV and your night on the town.

Don't think, just believe.

And be careful what you ask for you might just get it!!

Tis the season for thanksgiving and gratitude...

So, yesterday everyone started posting their gratitudes for the world to see. I am thankful for...or 30 days of thanks challenge...or some other cleverness. I'd really like to see people extend that 30 day challenge into a 365 day challenge. I haven't posted anything but it doesn't mean I haven't given credit where credit is due. I am sort of getting away from wanting the public adulation for my deepest most inner thoughts. (Ironic that I posted that in a blog, ain't it!?) 

The snarky side of me sees gratitude and thankful as two over and oft misused words. I'll be grateful when I warm up. I'll be thankful if I just get through dinner. I am appreciative of the fact that they finally built a Subway in my neighborhood. I'll be glad when the kids are grown. Pleased. Beholden. Indebted. I am no thesaurus but all the synonyms are meant to express appreciation.

Grateful and grace come from the same Latin root. By grace, I am referring to the unearned, unconditional, unending love from God. It is this writer's humble opinion that you can not have one without the other. I am grateful for learning that over the past year. Probably not something that people would expect from me. It is, honestly, probably why I hadn't jumped on the bandwagon yet in adding my gratitude feed to the cyberworld. It's how I feel, but I have no desire to have to defend myself against those snarkier than I. (See also previous comment about getting away from the public forum.)

 

The parable of the clearance underpants...

Okay, maybe it's just a story and not so big and important as a parable but at any rate here it goes.

Since my daughter started  driving, I find myself at Target a lot. She likes to drive to the one in Sugarcreek Twp because there are like a hundred million ways from our house to there that offer different driving experiences.

The other day whilst in said Target, we happened to stroll through the intimates  department annd I spotted something  but to go into detail would be a complete embarrassment to my sixteen year old. On that same clearance rack, I also spotted underwear.

I am apt to say that the last time I bought new undies, I was pregnant with my son because I forget (or is it block out) the cheapo pack of undies that I thought were a good deal. Seriously, like most of the cheapos were unwearable within two weeks because of bad construction. Too bad too, 'cuz they were cute as all get out.

So anyway, I ended up picking up this ten-pack of underwear from Target for...I almost feel like I need a drum roll...$4.81 because it was a "repackage" by virtue of a piece of scotch tape. I love a good find, especially if it's something useful and not one of the those "deals" that you find yourself questioning a week later because there is no functional use for it...even if it was only 99 cents.

Later that night, I was sharing the Target adventure with my hunny and when I reached the point where I could brag about my underwear purchase I grab them to show him. Really, ten pair for $4.81 is pretty good but then the words hit me and stunned me into that deer in headlights look.

Briefs.

How did I fail to notice that they were briefs? Granny panties? Seriously? I can not give you an accurate date as to when the last time I had worn briefs was. It may not seem like a big deal but I was seriously having some issues with the purchase at that point. That's a lot of coverage. Probably more coverage than I had seen since middle school. I should return them. Hmmm, but they were less than fifty cents a pair, so maybe I could learn to love them.

Two pair into the pack, I think it may have been a divine intervention. Full coverage means the waistband doesn't rub against my C-Section scar. And when I bend over in certain pants, no crack. Instead of falling just below an area that needs some work, they cover it. And what better, certain tanks that I have also cover for a clean, non-frumpy look.

I'm not saying I want to start a granny panty revolution, but I gotta admit I feel better in these britches than I have in years. Maybe it's because I am not too big for them, ha!

And being as I am married it has nothing to do with my husband's reaction, because I know that I could show up in some old school bloomers and floor-length skirt and God love him he'd still want to get it on with me.

I am grateful I found good cheap underwear. I keep thinking of a friend who is always telling me that you get what you need just when you need it. I needed a change, who knew it was in my underwear. Wait! That sounds a bit wrong, but you get the picture. Just because the situation isn't what you want or what you are used to doesn't mean it's wrong. It could be exactly what you have been looking for if you give it a chance.

It's hard to believe how I have grown.

I just wanted to take a quick minute to thank you all for reading! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it was just shy of a month ago that I posted something about wanting to hit 3000 page views. I posted it as a plea really because I just wanted to hit 3000 before the month of March was over. It was pure vanity and it took a few days after I initially posted to pass that magic number.

It side swiped me to see that I am on the verge of breaking 4000 total page views. Dude, I have had 911 hits in the past month. To put that in perspective, that's more than double the total number of hits that I had in January.

I am very grateful for everyone who comes here, even if by accident. Page views are really the only way those of us who do this have of gauging things. Sure, I really would post just as much if I just had one person but it feels really good to look at the stats and see readers!

 I don't know if there will be posts or not, we have the first t-ball game tomorrow and some other odds and ends going on and you know what they say about the best laid plans. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

...But by the grace of God...

Okay, I was thinking there was a Pogues song I could throw in here but that is "If I Should Fall From The Grace of God."  No biggie, but I used to be a ravenous Pogues fan and a little gratuitous  Pogues action would have been nice.

So, I did our taxes tonight. I don't hate the act of doing taxes, but then I have a degree in Financial Services so I may be cheating. Big long sigh and long story short, that is the only explanation for how this family got through 2011. I am not going to go into great detail but there is nothing like a 1040 to force you into reality.

I gave up the family financials sometime ago. My husband IMO was the loose cannon and I felt safe handing it all over to him to deal with. On some level, it certainly helped our relationship because instead of me meeting a Rancho request with a detailed accounting of the in and out of the checking accounting, I can just say yea because I trust fully my husband's handling of the finances.

That being said...taxes aren't his forte, and having now completed our taxes, I'd like to buy him a steak dinner. I knew things had changed but he did a hell of a job sheltering me and the kids from the full extent of that. Seriously, if he wasn't sleeping I would tell him how thankful I am for him and his crazy ways.

I am thankful. I am grateful, I am humbled.

Here's to a better 2012 (return)!

Too tired to post about it now

Hello friends, I hope this Monday finds you well! I started my first day of my first full week at my new job this morning and I am tuckered out! Not a complaint, I am grateful to have found a spot somewhere working exactly the hours I have been looking for 6a-11a. Just going to take a day or two of adjustment to the old sleep schedule. 

I am sure I'll have plenty of tales to tell about life in the Tardis of gas station stores.

I'll be back with something more interesting tomorrow.

J

Thanks to Golden Charm and Country Bob!

Honesty. Integrity. These things mean something to me. I have allegedly won about 6 giveaways since right before Christmas. I have one of those prizes in my possession. I'm no sweeper, but if I scratched your back you darn well better deliver.

If you did what you said you were going to do, you are alright in my book! So, today, I am going to give props to Golden Charm for introducing me to Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce.

It's major award!

I want to sauce you up!

When the UPS guy dropped off the package, I wasn't even sure what it was because I wasn't expecting anything. When I opened the box, the dad from A Christmas Story popped in my head, and I proceeded to dig through the paper to find two shiny bottles of Country Bob's All- Purpose Sauce.

I did what any self-respecting condiment lover would do I cracked one open. The aroma is reminiscent of a certain nationally known brand of steak sauce, but the flavor is something else...and way better than the nationally known sauce, in my humble opinion. Tangy, sweet, spicy but the perfect blend of those. Not to tomato-y, really just right. I always hate how the big brands are leave a strong vinegar aftertaste.

It reminded me of a thicker version of sauce I had years ago. It was a gift to my parents and I think it was called wildcat sauce but I have never been able to find it.

I was pleased to see that my local grocery carries Country Bob. I would definitely try other varieties, and the ability to walk into "kegger" as my son calls it and pick it up definitely increases the likelihood of that happening. 

Hot rods and hot sauce is there
anything Christ can't do?

TGIF

Thank God it's Freezing!

What were you expecting?

Right now, I am not really thankful for the cold. As a matter of fact, when it first really hit us earlier in the week I thought to myself,"Yep, it's time to move!"

Everyone always says that...expect the unexpected. Flashy marketing, because if it is expected then it never really can be unexpected. I get what they are saying but yeah, it kinda gets a whatever from me. If I were truly able to expect the unexpected then those car repairs last month wouldn't have been such a painful surprise.

Better to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. I hate the cold, but at least we don't have to mow the grass for awhile. Those car repairs were a pain, but now we don't have to keep running our cheat every time the car decides to lock up. I maybe not be able to sleep right now, but hey at least I can entertain you.


It's not an easy place to get to though. Well, at least it hasn't been for me. Silver and gray are so close that some days it is nearly impossible to distinguish what color the lining of that cloud really is!

I started to try to reprogram myself awhile back. I kept a little gratitude journal. It was very simple. Before I went to bed, I would just jot down five things from the day I was grateful for. If I was having a bad day or just didn't feel particularly blessed, I had five standard answers: food, water, air, my house, my health. Usually by the time, I wrote that down I eased up a little and would add some more "genuine" gratitudes.

I actually do no keep a formal journal these days but rather express my appreciation throughout the day. Sometimes aloud, but often silently. It does feel a little silly at first. Well, it did to me, I felt self-conscious. Odd really since it wasn't really even something I was sharing with anyone. I realized the other night that I have been being pulled to the dark side of the force.

So yes, thank god it is freezing. Thank god I was sick for two days and slept away most of that time. Thank god these chairs are so uncomfortable or I would sit here all night. Thank god for those of you who take the time to read this. And yes, finally, thank god it's Friday!


(See also http://tisbetter2give.blogspot.com/2010/10/do-mathcount-blessings.html)