God's not here, man.

Yes. It's true sometimes my inner voice sounds a lot like Tommy Chong. I suppose a fair amount of the time, life is like that sketch too. God pounding on the door,"Hey man, it's me God. I got the stuff. Let me in." And I foolishly answer "God's not here, man."

Anyway, I have on occasion made comments to that affect. I know I made it about the ten o'clock service at the church I have been going to. I just can't do it. God is not there. I've tried. I hate it. The same goes for just places in general that I can't or won't go to. Bad feeling. Uneasy. The creeps. Heebie Jeebies. Cold. Dead. It's all the same. The same intuitive twinge, the feeling that there is no good in a person, place or situation.

Yesterday, I read this and meant to do something on it then, but had no time carved out for writing.

Screen print of JoyceMeyer.org

It was something that I needed to read.I love that line,"I thought this was God, but it's not so I am not going to do it anymore." I love it because I had those same feelings about a brief and dipterous job that I had earlier in the year. It felt odd to not have any other words to describe my discomfort than God is not here.

I do try to apologize when my spidey senses leads me to do things that other people are put off or out by. It does not seem like that happens much. Of course, I think that is because I am pretty blessed to have a pretty honest and reliable inner sanctum of people who don't do drama.

I mentioned that I had intended to write yesterday. I think the bigger plan wanted to sit down tonight.

I actually have a very, very difficult times in situations that have a lot of negative energy around them. Not just mentally, but physically. There was one of those on the agenda this evening. I really didn't much about it over the past several days. I just put it out of my mind. Then, as afternoon progressed, I found myself getting antsy. My little monkey mind conjuring up some pretty Springer-esqe possibilities. Dread. Ugh.Trying to enjoy the baseball game with family and my little mind was working overtime to create anxiety.

I thought,"Man, God is definitely not there." 

Then, I thought, maybe I should invite him. It sounds corny but that's what I did. I stole a couple of minutes between dinner and this evening engagement and got centered and fortified and took a big breath before heading out the door. And after two hours, I am happy to report that I lived. No folding chairs thrown. No vortex of ickiness sucking me in. It wasn't all rainbows and kitties. I gots a lots of work to do on myself with this situation. And I am thankful that tonight I was able to create a bit of needed space to see things more clearly.

single book of matches gonna burn what's standing in the way

I've had Kings of Leon running in my head all weekend. Not Pyro tho, not sure which song to be honest. My brain for some reason is not capable of producing more than the tune inside my skull or more than the lyrics "Whoa, whoa, whoa..." The reason for choosing the Pyro lyric is my own and somewhat inexplicable at this point.

I'm taking everything back and starting over. Or something like that. Seriously. Didn't the use of song lyrics as a subject line give that away.

There's only one of me God help y'all and that one of me needs to be happy...even if it means not being very popular. I really meant what I said before about being happy when I only had one reader. Plus, there's been a whole chain of events that I've been paying attention to that lead me to believe that organic growth is much favorable to explosive growth.

So, over the next couple of months if my posts are sporadic, it's because I am building a cocoon because I have put off being a butterfly way too long!

Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something. Mitch Hedberg

This has been on my heart and mind to write for a while. I think posting about squirrel welfare in this neighborhood brought it back to my fore mind. This is one of those post that would be best read with you sitting in front of your open pantry which is pretty easy for most of us with our fancy mobile devices.

Yep...my cupboard.

So, I don't know, nor can I find clear information about where the Feeding 5000 project as I know it started. My first experience with it was at Grace, and they are doing it now at Christ so maybe it's a Methodist thing.

I used to attend a church that collected food on an ongoing basis, and while I was going there I looked up the Feeding 5000 shopping list because it always seemed like a good guide to me. The program aims to provide 2 days of food for a family of four. The shopping list is fairly simple:

2 cans meat (12-24 oz. each), 1 lb. dry pasta, 2 cans vegetables (14.5 oz.), 1 jar peanut butter (18 oz.), preferably creamy, 2 cans fruit (16 oz.), 2 boxes macaroni and cheese or rice (71/4 oz.), 2 cans soup ( 103/4 oz.), 1 lb. dried beans or 1 can baked beans, 1 box hot or dry cereal (12-18 oz.), 1 can spaghetti sauce (15-26 oz.), 1 can evaporated milk (12 oz.) or 1 pkg of 3 (8 fl. oz.) of nonrefrigerated milk

The reason I recommended reading this while looking at your own pantry is that I think too often people's knee-jerk reaction is to say they have nothing to give without realizing how blessed they are. I pulled enough out of my cupboard to start two bags. I spent $24.00 at the store to finish them off. I probably could have spent less but I will not donate anything that I wouldn't feed my own family. I know I am weird like that but how thoughtful a gift is it if in your quest to help you assume that people who need food assistance love all that corn and el cheapo mac and cheese. Just sayin'

Anyway, someone inevitably argues the ol' "beggars can't be choosers" line of thought. That line is more of a reminder to folks receiving something to be grateful for their gifts, not an invitation to change the world with cheap Mexican canned goods you wouldn't eat yourself. Giving should come from a place of love. I know that all the government assistance programs have really eroded that place in most of our hearts. I'm guilty of it. Why should I help out people who are getting this that and the other? Why should I help out even more, I'm already paying for xyz through my taxes? I could go on and on, because well, I am fairly Objectivist by nature. But on the softer side of me, you never know what tomorrow brings. From a Christian perspective, it's not for any of us to judge the situation, it's not in our job description. The judgement belongs solely to God, our only job is to give from a place of love and in doing so bear witness to redemptive nature of Jesus Christ....or something like that.

Hunger is no joke. Something like  1 in 6 Americans are dealing with hunger issues. Things have been rough and tumble and less than stable the past couple of years. 1 in 6 means that on any given day here in one of the richest countries in the world something like 52 million people aren't getting what they need to survive.

With what was on hand and $24.00 I gathered 2 days of food for 2 families. If I had gone out and straight up bought just enough for 1 family it would have been under $20 easy. I am not made of money by any means. $20 is roughly equivalent to a family trip to Subway. I can do without Subway once a week if it means someone else gets to go to bed with a full belly.

File it under the whole the love you take, is equal to the love you make...or you get what you give. I always have just what I need. Back at my old church, I was donating food weekly at a time when neither of us had a job or any idea what the future was going to bring for us. Using the list can make it a nice little family project. When I did my shopping trip, I told my three year old we weren't there to buy for us we were there to buy for a family that needed help, just like when he bought presents for the little girl at Christmas. Even at three he understands.

You know, this blog is titled as it is as a reminder to me to not be such a hard-headed, hearted Biznotch. I've been around a couple of rough blocks, as had my husband, and it's easy to look at life and say well, "I did it." This blog and these random trains of thought help to remind me that not everyone has the same capabilities as me. So, I do what I can (pun intended), and you should too. Besides, that can of beans has probably been sitting in your cupboard since last Summer, doesn't it make sense to give it to someone who is dying to eat it?

Illuminating HALO

I have enjoyed reconnecting with many of my childhood friends on Facebook. I enjoy when I can identify the adult based on the offspring's pic. I love seeing where everyone is geographically, professionally, spiritually, mentally, at the moment, you get the picture.

I distinctly remember for some reason, the tagging of a particular wedding picture on the occasion of an anniversary. There is something so ethereal about the wedding pictures of folks who are truly, deeply, and magically in love. There was a glow about his face I don't think I ever saw when we were growing up. It epitomized the joy of having a Facebook family. A few days passed and the tone changed, an urgent need for prayer, the unknowing, and then the news...the baby was lost.

I have been blessed not to have to go down that road. I can imagine the pain, though. They say losing a child is the worst pain that anyone ever has to go through. My parents went through that though. It was always quite surreal to me to see that fourth birth certificate with those teeny tiny footprints. Matthew was about 18 months older than me and sometimes I would fantasize about how life with an older brother would have been and who he would have hung out with and weird things like that, even though to some extent had he survived I probably wouldn't have come into existence. Anyway,  I do remember distinctly my mother's (then weird) sadness around what I know now to be his birthday.

There are many things that people used to push down and sweep away that we now realize should be acknowledged, rode out, and worked through. We are blessed these days to understand grieving and mourning and that it is a process that takes time regardless of  whether the decedent is 1 or 101.

I never know what to say in times like that. It's one of my shortcomings. It's not ambivalence. I usually have things in my head but I just never seem to know how to put them into words at times like that, so I retreat from the potentially awkward situation entirely.  I'm working on that though.

There were a couple of weeks of post after the loss, and a lot of things that I am sure people wondered about. I personally stopped wondering about anyone and just pray when I am not sure what exactly is going on. Then, nothing. Or at least nothing that was showing up on my Facebook radar until tonight.

Honoring Angels Like Owen (HALO) is a non-profit started by my friend and his wife  to "develop, promote, foster, and support the spiritual and emotional needs of families who have lost a child from 20 weeks gestation up to the age of 2 years old. " I say amen! For too long there has been such a gap in this sort of support for women and men and families experiencing the loss of a child.

Like I said, I have been blessed in that I have not had an experience like they had. As a mother of two though, I can completely and totally sympathize with the pain that would result from losing a child before you were really formally introduced to them. There is so much dreaming that goes on during those nine months that to not be able to live out even one day seems cruel.

HALO currently serves the Montgomery, Alabama area and needs your support. Please take a minute to visit their page http://www.honoringangelslikeowen.org/index.html,; say a prayer,; donate your time, talent, and money; help them help others.

Kindness in Giving Removes Ink

https://www.facebook.com/events/333519800018278/

Prior to about a week and a half or so ago, I had never heard of INK180.

INK180 provides FREE cover-ups to former gang members and victims of human trafficking. Transforming their bar codes and hate symbols into something beautiful...something that reflects the turn around in their own life.

At the current time, INK180 is not a 501(c)3 but is working toward getting established as such. The idea behind the I Support INK180 event is simple. A number of different direct sales professionals, myself included, have pledge to pay 100% of our commissions from the event to support INK180.

Who is participating:

CLEVER CONTAINER - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $7.50, Goal: $100
www.CleverContainerStore.com, Shirley Lassiter #113, 100% of commission
Browse the catalog or click Shop Now and browse by product to de-clutter and get organized. IMPORTANT: Select Chris Baker as party host at checkout, if it times out on you please add my ID 113 to keep going. SPECIAL: Purchase $50 get the Organizer Gear Pocket for only $17!

DO YOU BAKE - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $100
http://shop.doyoubake.com/default.aspx?AffiliateID=392&EventID=740, Jenny Reibert-Wolfe, 100% of commission. SPECIAL: The Essential Four for $20. It's a shaker of For the LOVE of Garlic Seasoning, Sinfully Cinnamon Seasoning, Chive and Onion Seasoning, Simply Season All Seasoning.

GIGI HILL BAGS - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $75
Here is the party link: www.gigihillbags.com/party/30993, Becki Burke,
100 % of commission.

INITIALS, INC. - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal:
http://www.myinitials-inc.com/shop/eventhome.aspx?eventId=E34076&from=MYEVENTS, Joanne Joseph, 100% of commission

JAMBERRY NAILS - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $100
.http://jamminnails4u.jamberrynails.net/party/host/?id=d69ca7b1-79b3-4f75-898e-25ea6ca01584,
Wendy S Blaney, Donating 100% of commission

ORAGAMI OWL - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $100
www.leslie.origamiowl.com, Leslie Cantymagli Rhoads, 100% of commission
Create your story in a living locket then at check out there will be an option to associate with a party, choose "Chris Baker / INK 180" from the drop down box. This will allow for all the sale to benefit Chris.

PAMPERED CHEF - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $100
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/albert?page=host-search-results&showId=3575939%2CMargaret Toomey Albert, 100% of commission
SPECIAL: https://www.facebook.com/ajax/messaging/attachment.php?attach_id=5ca0a8298a550c871e6795affe026b7b&mid=id.379955418700626&ext=1330902610&hash=AQBwSBcArNvTPRov

PINK ZEBRA - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $100
www.pinkzebrahome.com/party/1432, Jessica Jones, 100% of commission
SPECIAL: Stonewashed Denim line is 15% off and our Anjou Pear Sprinkles are also 15% off

SCENTSY - Massachusetts - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal:
https://cindyandlulah.scentsy.us/Buy?partyId=74527476, Cindy Lassell Merchant, 100% Commission

SCENTSY - North Carolina - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $100
https://jolenecox.scentsy.us/Buy?partyId=74485384, Jolene Marts Cox, 100% Commission
Make sure you confirm you are shopping in Chris' party. We have introduced "Layers by Scentsy" a line of personal care and laundry care items, in addition to Scentsy Buddies, Warmers, and Bars. Love the cause!!

TASTEFULLY SIMPLE - Total as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal: $60
https://www.tastefullysimple.com/secure/pomm/GuestResponseCatalogParty.aspx?pxid=10308058&key=493e0ffd-394a-4476-ad3d-ca7c09d5a8e8, Heather Frost Fredenburg, 100% of commission, SPECIAL: place an order for $40 or more and receive a NEW Recipes for Best-Dressed Burgers book FREE.

THIRTY-ONE - Toal as of 3/4/12 for INK 180: $0, Goal:
http://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/catalog.aspx?eventId=E1500041&from=DIRECTLINK, Jena RochonOyervides, 100% of commission
Explore the trendy & affordable purses, totes & accessories for children to adults, Pssst! They cater to men too.
SPECIAL: For every $31 dollars you spend you get a 2nd item for 31% off.

 Or if you prefer the direct approach, you can visit http://ink180.weebly.com/get-involved.html.

March is Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month

Multiple sclerosis is an autoimmune disease that affects the brain and spinal cord (central nervous system).( http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001747/) MS slowly robs its victims of normal functioning and the ability to lead an active life.

I actually have to take off my shoes and borrow hands to count the people that I know who have been affected by MS. When my friend who is currently dealing with MS suggested I do a fundraiser, I didn't even say yes, I just got busy working on what I could.

This is totally a do what you can with what you got undertaking. If I had a thousand dollars to donate, I would. I do have my Do You Bake? business, though. And DYB? allows me to run sales for fundraisers at a rather generous rate as far as direct sales goes. So, the Do You Bake? Multiple Sclerosis Awareness Month Virtual Bake Sale was born.

I will donate 30% of all sales made under the event between now and 4/7/2012. The direct link for sale is: http://shop.doyoubake.com/default.aspx?AffiliateID=392&EventID=680

Please take a minute to check out the event, browse the selection, and support the bake sale. I will be posting information about MS to my twitter @JennyBertWolfe and my FB https://www.facebook.com/CleverJennyWolfe, so please feel free to follow the information there and share freely. Nothing would make me happier than writing out a big fat check in the honor and memory of my friends and family at the end of this event.

Truthfully, I'd like to see enough sales to donate $500 per person I know or $2500. Dream big, right?