If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Friday, April 8, 2016

Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I

That is all. Drops mic. Walks off stage.


The line I used for the title could describe any of us really. As could this line from Pink Floyd's "Learning to Fly":
A soul in tension that's learning to fly
Condition grounded but determined to try
I know that I certainly relate to that sentiment lately. Full of potential, yet somehow not quite moving forward. This is not acceptable to me. It hasn't been but now it's really getting annoying. Just past the horizon, I can see a bright future but I seem to get hung up by things on the horizon, like change. I need to make some changes that are much more profound than my hair color or my Facebook cover.

I realize that divorce is not known to be a positive energy generator but I never imagined that it would be the Azkaban prison experience that it has been. I certainly tried to make the most of the Dementor's kiss. I set intentions that I would remain positive, that I would do this or do that or the other. I did well to hang onto that trajectory for a long time. Then, one day, I couldn't.

The disconnect between what I wanted out of my life and what my life resembled was overwhelming. I didn't think that I had given up but then I met a new friend at work a few months ago. The more I hang with her, the more I see where I let the darkness dim my shine. She's an intuitive sort of gal who has made me grin like the Cheshire cat when she says things in conversation that are so dead on but not avenues of me I have shared with her.

I will fly. I have to fly because grounded for life is no life at all.

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