Gangsters don't cry Therefore, therefore I'm Mr. Misty-eye, therefore I'm

Heavydirtysoul would have been a better title but I am trying to keep a theme here with my titles. What I wrote last night was really freeing to me, freeing like when you flush a toilet only to realize how profound your plumbing problems are really.

To those who feel it their duty to police the world and set everyone straight, why yes, I do realize that this blog is called "Kindness in Giving Creates Love." I titled it a long time ago, in a suburban neighborhood now seemingly so far away. Yes, I do realize how totally un-Christian my diabolical hatred of the other woman is, do you realize that your condemnation of me is also of the enemy? It's a thorn in my side and in the long run, it's between me and my God but I thank you for your concern. It is entirely possible that things do blindside people. I am not saying I am perfect but all y'all this applies to need to take the words and thoughts that I must have done something to deserve this straight out of your mouths. It's moments like this that make me think of that scene in Empire Records where Deb says to Joe,"You think you can fix me Joe? Go ahead fix me."

It is, of course, why this song is on me this morning. I want to sing this to so many people:

Can you save
Can you save my
Can you save my heavy dirty soul?
Can you save
Can you save my
Can you save my heavy dirty soul?
For me, for me, oh
Can you save my heavy dirty soul?
For me, for me, oh
Can you save my heavy dirty soul?

Not that I want anyone to save me. I am no damsel in distress. Just broken by the dumbasses that reside in this fallen world with me. I have a savior and I am working with Him for the restoration that my body, mind, soul and spirit need. I get tired of the other voices. The other perspectives. The irrelevant comments.

I keep thinking of Paul and the thorn in his side.

From 2 Corinthians 12:7-9

⁷ And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. ⁸ Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. ⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

His Grace is sufficient. If you are not getting, understanding that throughout this, in the thick of this, that God is the strength in my weakness then I really need to hone my skills. Yes, I immensely dislike the events of the past nearly three years. I hate that two peoples thoughtless actions caused so much destruction and devastation to me, my kids, my entire family and circle of friends. But none of it was a surprise to God and He was already ahead of the eight ball making ways for me that I could not have made myself. I maybe underplay the magnitude of the blessings that have come my way in the wake of my husband's infidelity.

I believe very much that the best is yet to come but I also know I have heaping piles of coal on my head that I need to, with God's guidance, contend with. I am who I am by the grace of God. Today that grace gave me this song. "This doesn't mean I lost my dream. It's just right now I got a really crazy mind to clean." I know that none of you can save my heavy dirty soul. I know the one that can, though, and I look forward to seeing His strength made perfect in my weakness(es).