If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!

Okay, soooooo, this is a bit how I feel, what I feel like saying lately in certain conversations.

This could also be called Asperger's is the new ADHD, but you probably wouldn't have looked at then.

I have a sometimes boisterous

son. I hesitate to ever say my kids are intelligent to other people, because other people just assume I am slightly biased. He is not a bad kid, and that is not a trumped up denial. Some days though, OMG, I can't do it. I can't handle him. He seems so over the top it's ridiculous.

It came up in conversation at the grocery a couple of weeks ago, and the cashier offered that maybe he has Asperger's. Holy expletive deleted hell! Why would you say something like to someone? Two complete strangers have made similar comments.

I also have a sixteen year old daughter. She to some end was less intense than her brother is sometimes, but she still had her moments. When she was his age though, any kid who was the least bit fidgety ADD, ADHD. That was always what people armchair diagnosed. The only time that ever really came up with her was when we were out with some girlfriends of mine and she was misbehaving. Not horribly, just climbing under and around the table and being a show-off. Like most parents, I made the mistake of asking her what was wrong with her. You know the sentence and the tone, we've all gotten it from our exasperated parents at some point. "I have ADD!" she laughed and crawled back under the table.

It is not my intent to take away from or upset those of yinz out there who are dealing with the diagnosis. I know it's out there, and I know it's a bitch to deal with some days. I just hate that there are people out there who are such expletive deleted parents that rather than take the time to pull themselves away from their own ego that they would rather choose the convenience of pumpin' their kid's developing brain full of drugs.

It really bothers me that anyone would feel comfortable diagnosing my son with Asperger's without a medical license. What's worse is that the things about my son that are challenging to me...they aren't even symptoms of Asperger's...or ADHD for that matter...they are symptoms of an under-stimulated boy who had too much rope.  I know this because his daddy and I cracked the whip so to speak and he has responded. If he had these other issues, we'd still be where we were, if not more, frustrated with him.

Discipline is hard expletive deleted work. We have been on the older one, and not even at full strength for the past two or three years. Now this with the boy. Such energy, such enthusiasm, such willful disregard!

I guess all I am saying is before YOU go and start armchair diagnosing people because you feel your over 2000 viewing hours of Dr.Phil and The Doctors make you feel somehow qualified to offer unsolicited medical advise. DON'T! Bold. Italics. Underline. DON'T! Compassion has nothing to do with your opinion. Compassion to some degree just means you say this is none of my business, I hope everything is okay, I am thinking of you. Southerners have this covered in one simple phrase,"Bless His Heart". Easy enough. It really is. And I wish I knew why people felt like they need to make situations worse by offering their opinions.

There is nothing wrong with either of my kids. They are kids and they act accordingly. Maybe if you felt better about yourself, you wouldn't feel so inclined to judge mine. I am just sayin' there's something to be said for a little understanding. I mean if I feel this passionate about being asked if my kid had Asperger's and he doesn't...imagine how hurt you've just made the Mom of a kid who does. A kid she loves with all her heart. Her kids...any kid...is every bit as wonderful as their parents, their family, their village say they are and you're a dick to suggest otherwise.

So unless you are clinically or theologically trained...don't try to fix people. Just love them. Accept them as you wish you were accepted.


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