A few weeks ago I had this unintentional brainstorm of ideas, and I was gung-ho...well as gung-ho as I get...about it.
If you don't know me on Facebook, then you are not aware that I am "Unemployed by Virtue of my Esoteric Awesomeness" I am not that awesome, it just helps deflect the pain of perpetual rejection by the "work" world. A few days after I posted that I started my little seasonal gig which doesn't at all suck or really even feel like work. That little gem set a fire in my brain aka the aforementioned brainstorming.
The only way that I am going to get a regular thing like that for myself is if I make it myself. Gulp. Scary. I don't know if I am up for something like that. Seems complicated. Plus, I need more support than a pair of 80 year old double Ds. I am more than a little shattered in the esteem department. Sigh.
In the midst of all this daydreaming, as I was trolling the internet and all it's various outlets, a name came to me. The most awesomesauce and appropriate name in the world...or something like that. No one is using any form of this name as far as I can tell. There is something unique left to conquer on the internet, can you believe it?!
So there's where the revamping comes in, everything refocused under one umbrella of an identity that actually suits me. It is an idea that seems boundless to me. The boundlessness scares me. At this point, there is no indication to me that there is a light at the end of this tunnel-vision or if is me imploding into a black-hole of my own design.
I could just iris in on what I have got and make it all work. It's a weird combination of escalation of commitment and internet optimization that leads me that way. There's much less work in reworking something.
Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.
I really don't even fully know what I would be doing. I am kind of working under a whole "if you build it, they will come" delusion. So, yeah, that's sound. Shrug. I can keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I am kind of a klutz so it isn't guaranteed that I'd get anywhere.
Do nothing. Relax. It's the way I am leaning but even that has it's downside. I relax myself out of the whirlwind of excitement and eventually talk myself out of whatever good idea I thought I had. Right now, though, it's more of a not acting from a place of chaos. I'll keep babystepping but I am not going to get obsessive. The ideas have merit. I, however, do not have 24 hours a day to do my own bidding.
Who knows, maybe I can do both. As in keep this little blog up under this title and do my thing under the other and who knows what is in store. I don't. If I did I wouldn't be writing this and feeling all amorphous. (<< That my friends is why popularity eludes me, when was the last time you heard them drop "amorphous" on TMZ of the X factor?)
Don't get me wrong, I am still working on my ark. I just don't think I have the right set of plans yet. No more going half-cocked and building sinking ships. I need a sturdy ship because I still have quite a ways to journey in this life.