I know. I know. I don't post for a whole month and then when I do post it's got a weird title. What ark aren't you building, yep, it's a reference to Noah...and his ark which he apparently spent 120 years building while everyone looked at him like he was, er, a little crazy.
I am asking this because I am asking myself this.
To be honest, I have been in something of the Port-o-Jon of life lately. My self-esteem. My confidence. "My ability to deal rationally with my disconcerted precarious emotional situation." So many factors and facets and shrug...I don't know. I get discouraged very easily any more. I don't expect life to be easy but this latest round of butt-whoopins has been more than I can take. I know I am not very much fun to be around lately. It's not my intention. It's just how things are working out lately.
So, anyway, while I was working on Friday (it's really still today to me but I don't want to get too confusing) I started thinking about something. It's one of those thoughts that has come up before. A bad penny of a thought you might say, and it's really starting to look like my ark. The specificity of it might as well be in cubits. But it's nothing I know anything about so I don't even know what the hey I am supposed to do with any of it.
Plus, this whole idea makes me think a little bit of "Lollilove" and it kinda makes me wonder if it isn't just a little idealistic. Oh, but then I just see such a bigger picture. And the what-ifs start rolling in. And just how possibly explosive the appeal of it might be. Oh my gosh.
Maybe I should just start working on the things that come to me...repeatedly. Maybe you should too. Maybe immediate gratification, immediate acknowledgement, immediate glory isn't what you (or I) need to keep persevering. Maybe it is 120 years of hard work and seeming a little off. I don't know. I really don't. If I did, I probably would be doing something more worthwhile with my time.
My dampened spirits are making it hard for me to really live anymore. Maybe I need to start working on this idea and trusting that I will all come to fruition as it is envisioned. It certainly is as monumental of a task as building an ark. I don't have to collect animals, but it would involve a lot of human interaction. I am willing...if I could keep my "pragmatic" mind out of the equation.
So while I wrestle with this...what is YOUR ark? What thing keeps reoccurring to you to do? What is your calling that you keep shrugging off because it seems too hard, too arduous, too long a time frame?