Judge not lest ye be throwing stones at black kettles or something like that...

This morning I have been partying like it's 1994 which means mostly I have been sitting on my ass drinking coffee and Mountain Dew (albeit diet these days) trying to simultaneously manipulate and validate my mood with music. Unlike 1994, I am not relegated to my room to do so and I don't have to call Julie to run me anywhere. Sigh. I have things to do. I just have no motivation. I still am sick from this plague going around. Just coughing mostly, but really tired.

Of course, I could be tired from the weird dream-state I was in overnight. I got a lot of free groceries. I remember that vividly. It was an error on the part of the clerk and I tried to make it right and no one would let me. There was a lot of driving around, too. Just a very strange dream. Not as strange as the one last week where my husband got arrested for not wearing a seat belt and somehow I ended up in jail but nonetheless strange.

Everything is strange. I have been thinking a lot lately about the thin line between being judgmental and making thoughtful decisions to the exclusion of others. I am not talking about hate, this isn't going to be some weird diatribe or manifesto about why we should round up all the Bieber-believers or some ridiculousness like that. This is much more subtle.

I get the whole "he who is without sin" thing. (John 8:7) Well, I mostly get it but here's the thing...I am not perfect and I know where I have been better than anyone...it took awhile (hell, I am still working on it) but learned from and changed from my experiences, good and bad. If I were still trying to shove square pegs in round holes, I wouldn't be sitting here in the comfort of my living room contemplating how far I am supposed to extend my compassion to people who are still chasing there tails.

Sigh, I know there's a bibical answer there, too. Seven times seventy. (Matthew 18:21-25)  I think that interpretations of that really are illogical to me. Again, I am not perfect but I am also not chaotic. I have spent a lot of my life being called stuck-up because of things I do or don't do. I am okay with that. I don't like being held over the barrel in situations that I feel are not good in my heart of hearts. If my Spideysense is tingling, it's not a call to go ignore it and go grab a burger with Mary Jane. Freewill has to come in play somewhere, right? Survival and sanity count for something, right? Eventually someone loses at Russian Roulette, right?

Cryptic and vague today. I can't fully expound upon what I am thinking about. A few of you know some of the minor details. I am not trying to be an island. I just don't like playing with people in a room where there is so much stuff swept under the rug that the table almost touches the ceiling. Sigh.

We're all broken. Own it. Grow up. Move on. Or something like that.

I can't help you. I can't help anyone.

But how do I separate myself from the drama? What if I can not gracefully remove myself from the situation? It's someone else's web I've been flung into. Actually, it's more like a minefield, and I don't know if you've ever watched me walk but I am no good at tiptoeing. I've tried mending fences and building bridges but it's not ever going to work if only one party involves knows a good carpenter.

Detach with love I think is what they call it, and it sure comes off the tongue a lot easier than it can be enacted. If everyone else is happy as a pig in well, you know, then who am I to keep advertising the benefits of a buttermilk bath? I just know that life doesn't have to be this enormous suck hole of blackness and despair. I am trying to be patient and supportive but I think that before the end of this year there is going to be a great schism in my life. I can't play the roles that people need me to play to quantify their illusions.

Round pegs go in round holes. Square pegs go in square ones. It's not a judgment call. It's fact. It's the truth. And you know what they say about that...you can lead a friend to Truth but you can't make them think.

What do you think?

Don't you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!

Okay, soooooo, this is a bit how I feel, what I feel like saying lately in certain conversations.

This could also be called Asperger's is the new ADHD, but you probably wouldn't have looked at then.

I have a sometimes boisterous

son. I hesitate to ever say my kids are intelligent to other people, because other people just assume I am slightly biased. He is not a bad kid, and that is not a trumped up denial. Some days though, OMG, I can't do it. I can't handle him. He seems so over the top it's ridiculous.

It came up in conversation at the grocery a couple of weeks ago, and the cashier offered that maybe he has Asperger's. Holy expletive deleted hell! Why would you say something like to someone? Two complete strangers have made similar comments.

I also have a sixteen year old daughter. She to some end was less intense than her brother is sometimes, but she still had her moments. When she was his age though, any kid who was the least bit fidgety ADD, ADHD. That was always what people armchair diagnosed. The only time that ever really came up with her was when we were out with some girlfriends of mine and she was misbehaving. Not horribly, just climbing under and around the table and being a show-off. Like most parents, I made the mistake of asking her what was wrong with her. You know the sentence and the tone, we've all gotten it from our exasperated parents at some point. "I have ADD!" she laughed and crawled back under the table.

It is not my intent to take away from or upset those of yinz out there who are dealing with the diagnosis. I know it's out there, and I know it's a bitch to deal with some days. I just hate that there are people out there who are such expletive deleted parents that rather than take the time to pull themselves away from their own ego that they would rather choose the convenience of pumpin' their kid's developing brain full of drugs.

It really bothers me that anyone would feel comfortable diagnosing my son with Asperger's without a medical license. What's worse is that the things about my son that are challenging to me...they aren't even symptoms of Asperger's...or ADHD for that matter...they are symptoms of an under-stimulated boy who had too much rope.  I know this because his daddy and I cracked the whip so to speak and he has responded. If he had these other issues, we'd still be where we were, if not more, frustrated with him.

Discipline is hard expletive deleted work. We have been on the older one, and not even at full strength for the past two or three years. Now this with the boy. Such energy, such enthusiasm, such willful disregard!

I guess all I am saying is before YOU go and start armchair diagnosing people because you feel your over 2000 viewing hours of Dr.Phil and The Doctors make you feel somehow qualified to offer unsolicited medical advise. DON'T! Bold. Italics. Underline. DON'T! Compassion has nothing to do with your opinion. Compassion to some degree just means you say this is none of my business, I hope everything is okay, I am thinking of you. Southerners have this covered in one simple phrase,"Bless His Heart". Easy enough. It really is. And I wish I knew why people felt like they need to make situations worse by offering their opinions.

There is nothing wrong with either of my kids. They are kids and they act accordingly. Maybe if you felt better about yourself, you wouldn't feel so inclined to judge mine. I am just sayin' there's something to be said for a little understanding. I mean if I feel this passionate about being asked if my kid had Asperger's and he doesn't...imagine how hurt you've just made the Mom of a kid who does. A kid she loves with all her heart. Her kids...any kid...is every bit as wonderful as their parents, their family, their village say they are and you're a dick to suggest otherwise.

So unless you are clinically or theologically trained...don't try to fix people. Just love them. Accept them as you wish you were accepted.

Amen.