If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Sunday, August 13, 2006

C'mon, c'mon hurry up Harry c'mon

I'm tired. I don't even know why I am not in bed. Well, I was IMing with my new buddy. If I meet him in person, then he'll be a friend. He's a bit younger than me (read as 10 years). But other than that I should go to bed...

It turns out that most everyone I work with at Fraze thinks that I am in my early 20s. I don't think I look THAT young, but I'll take it.

Ah, Miss Murder by AFI is playing. I really dig this song.

Well, I didn't get the transfer :'(

Been really feeling down in general. I don't know why but I have a ton o' rage residing in me. Most of it's Rob related. It's quite an accomplishment that one person has triggered this much crazy 28 Days style monkey rage in me. I don't even want to think about him, but I find myself doing so. It sucks. I think it would be better if I felt like he was really sorry for the way he has made me feel. I don't believe that he is, and it's too late to change that. Plus, the other thing that's nagging at me is that I feel like I have to retreat from all I know because I don't want it to ever have to come up in casual conversation with people I meet that might also know him that I dated him.

Between him and Alice, I should probably just move to a new city. Or start dating the religious right, at least there I'm pretty sure I have a trillion degrees of separtation to deal with rather than this less than 2 I seem to have now.

I'm making baby steps in my dealing with my trust issues. I have a feeling though, it's going to end up being something I can't deal with on my own. Not to mention the fact that the last couple of boys I've dealt with not only had interest outside of me, but seemed to enjoy throwing it in my face. There was that whole Kerry/Brian thing before RobNRachel. I sincerely hope that he lifts his self-imposed ban on reading this blog, so that he knows that I really and truly don't ever wish to speak with him again. There is no way he read this blog like he said he did, because if he really did then he would have truly realized the impact that words etc would have had on me. First guy in a longtime to tell me he loved me, and didn't really mean it.

He'll argue otherwise. He's wrong. He seems to think that everything is excusable because he's always been a fuck-up. It's the one thing I wish I would have known in the beginning, because I would have never let myself get in so deep.

I'm trying hard not to think that people suck and boys suck, but the world's not giving me much to work with right now.

I just don't like feeling like this. World is beating me down hardcore lately. I want to believe that it will get better, but---

Off to bed, I guess...

1 comment:

  1. Hi I just wanted to say that, I really know how you feel at times. Life can be something. But let me also say...Life is hope. Life cannot be lived without hope. Life is not a race against time but some say a precious gift. They say all hope lies in tomorrow. Every human being living on this earth hope for something. Poor people hope that one day money will come their way and rich people hope to multiply their assets.

    The world can be this crazy place full of small wonders or it can beat you down hardcore. I know that these words can do little to make this world more bearable.How ever, just trust that there is hope. Thats all we got I guess. Hope implies a certain amount of perseverance. It is a belief in the possibility of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances within one's personal life.

    Take care....”Jenny, Jenny who can I turn to...”