If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving! Well, not that I am completely sure what exactly is happy about it. When I started this I had fully intended to keep up with it, bitch and whine and ponder and cry and laugh on a regular basis, but things get in the way. So much crap, so little Valium. :oP

When last I left the story, I had just broke up with my fancy pants rock 'n roll radio boyfriend. Live and learn, live and learn I guess. Although, should I ever date another Clear Channel Radio employee then I would suppose it is true what they say about once you go hack.

The boyfriend front has been pretty quiet since then. Okay, maybe not quiet but definately lame as hell and frustrating. It does nothing for my self -esteem lately that only desparate psychos seem to want to hook up with me. It doesn't help the cause any either that I am sort of bent on not wasting my time chasing boys.

I've been like that a lot lately. Housecleaning my soul or dejunking my karma or just plain not putting up with people's shit. Lord knows, that people are overflowing with that. It's been a pretty good experience except it isn't getting exactly the result that I want.Damn I want to be happy again. I want to stop wondering what the hell is wrong with me, and why it seems like I am stuck.

I realized that ironically both of my current crushes are named Adam. Ah, a tale of two Adams. Not that anything is going to happen with either of them...

When I first met Adam1 (A1) he was unavailable for dating, which was more than a little disappointing. Smoking hot and easy to talk to what more could I want? Well, not attached would have been good but I moved on. I didn't forget about him, I just chalked it up to things that aren't meant to be. Then suddenly a few weeks ago magic fairies whispered that he just might be single. Ack! How cool is that? No, no, no, has to be a lie. Vicious rumor. So, after a couple of days of trying to ignore that tidbit of info and a few totally neurotic conversations with friends I decided to just be cool and innocently email him. Oh, but then I got up the next morning and decided that email was too open ended. He had told me where he worked, and I had been in there a million times since I met him but he was NEVER there and so I figured that I should just go there and prove to myself that it's all nothing. Just me being silly and girly, but that totally backfired since I walked in and there he was!

Adam2 (A2) is a business associate of sorts. Attractive, smart, just a nice guy that I see fairly often. Ah, but mixing business with pleasure isn't always good. For what it's worth, I think he would be a safe bet. I don't mean that in any bitchy sort of way. Just a fact, I think A2 has far less heartbreak potential than A1.

Adam1 is truly someone that I would like to get to know, but I haven't a clue how to go about it all. We're both busy people. We both work. I've got a kid. He's got a band. And you know, I'd really like to set myself apart from you know the other girls. I just wish I knew how. I just wish something would happen that wasn't initated or orchestrated by moi.

Who am I kidding? It's probably going to go nowhere,but I'm open to suggestions...

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