If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Monday, August 27, 2012


Driving home from Walmart, this song came on. It's one of those oh I used to love bands...that I never listen to now. I listened to it twice.

You're naked inside your fear
Can't take back all those years
Shots in the dark from empty guns
Never heard by anyone
Never heard by anyone 

It just really hit me. Idk, since y'all don't live in my head and I have been MIA the past week it would be difficult to catch you up to speed. And just so ya know, despite the somewhat somber tone of the song... I feel perty good. I can tell that I have changed. My attitude on this job is different. Probably a number of reasons why, but it's a nice change. It takes a lot of pressure of to not be looking for the next step up and to instead be focused on total mastery of this level.

Sigh, perhaps I learned that too quickly because there are some possibilities that may interfere with this job. It's really quite hilarious that it seems like every time I find a job, my other half has a new opportunity thrown at him. He deserves it. I find it funny really. And again, in a show of change, I am not worried.

I very rarely ever write down anything at church. Okay, anything serious. It's been months ago, but there was something that I was said that struck me so profoundly I dug a crumpled receipt out of my purse and scribbled it down. It was in my wallet until last week when I put it on my dashboard.

God's will will never take you where God's grace will not sustain you.

I have heard variations of that that left me flat or were just flat out annoying. I don't know if it was the delivery or perhaps just the receiver's state of mind that made that resonate with me so much. Or maybe it's just because it sounds more cosmopolitan than "If He leads you to it, He'll lead you through it" I don't know. 

If ANYTHING...I know that "Naked" hit me the way it did tonight because it's one of those songs that I am hearing with different ears. I am really grateful to not be in that place anymore where I feel bounded by all my fears. It's raw and an uncomfortable and really not that fun to live. Dude, I am far from perfect or fearless or whole but I am working on it. I guess that's something. Shrug. Idk. 

I probably seem crazy and rambling because the last couple of weeks of my life. OMG, you just wouldn't believe it if I told and I really think that some of those weirdo things that happen...you aren't supposed to tell about directly. So here's to not being naked and living so that I can help other people find their clothes too. TTFN.

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