The Quite Bearable Lightness of Being Sparkly

Just a little something I threw together for this post.

I just posted this on Facebook:
Wide awake with insomnia of contentment and too much iced tea...thinking about how much has changed since last year and getting another glass of tea and staying up to write all night. Couldn't tell you off hand the last time that happened but suffice it to say that it's been awhile.

It's true. I want to start writing a book. I still have some things to research so that I can tie all my little ideas together but I have officially put this book thing on my bucket list. I used to write a lot more than I do. Mostly for personal enjoyment but every little tiptoe into something more in-depth with it was generally met with positive feedback. I figure, if I get cracking at it now it could be released just in time for the 2017 holiday shopping season with the blockbuster movie released the next year.

I am quite content today. I wish I had really truly embraced the whole attitude is everything mantra earlier in life. I wish I had really fathomed once upon a time what it really mean to trust God and God's plan. I really wish I could bottle this and sell it. I suppose my second book could be how I got to here from where I was. I mean, to some degree, my core has always been sparkly I just could never sustain it for long because I was relying much too much on myself. Took a lot of dusting and polishing to get it where it is right now.

There were multiple moments today that showed me that I am different than I used to be and I am grateful for those moments. The one that most sticks out is the moment a co-worker walked by and exasperatedly said,"Is it time to go home yet?" I didn't step on the downward spiral and add weight to ride it down. I smiled and replied that is wasn't but it was a minute closer than it had been so that was something, right? I know it seems insignificant but once upon a time someone told me that if I was a Care Bear my name would be "Black Sunshine" because my sarcasm was hilarious and made people laugh but it wasn't necessarily motivating.

I see it too. The first time was about a month ago. I could see light in my eyes again. Other people are seeing now too. Not that I need the validation but the fact that others notice means that I am being consistent enough in the care and feeding of Jenny to produce results. I like that.

I can't sit here and say it's an easy task. Making the conscious decision to be the light, be positive, that's easy enough but once you make the statement to your soul you have to commit to the work. You have to be willing to sift through yourself, although some days it will feel more like a cut-and-burn operation. Proverbs 27:17 says in the I just adapted this to fit this blog version of the verse: As glitter sharpens glitter, so a man polishes the sparkle of his friend. (Probably upset the Baptist and the feminist with that one because I am just that awesome. But anyway...) I have been blessed to have some first-class glitter polishers and light shiners in my life. It helps. It helps a whole lot. In the process, I have found that am highly allergic to negativity and some days people's countenance, comments and crassness pierces me like nails on a chalkboard. Change begets change I guess. 

I am so much better than I was a year ago and you know what? That just makes me that much more excited for tomorrow but not to the expense of the best thing I have learned on this leg of my journey. One. Day. At. A. Time. Don't worry about tomorrow. Again, there is a learning curve there, but I am so one day at a time right now I expect Schneider to walk through my door to fix something. It doesn't mean you don't plan. It doesn't mean you don't dream. It doesn't mean you stop living. I have big plans and big dreams and I am living better than I have in years. It mean you change your focus. It means you identify what you truly want and have the boldness to walk away from things that are outside of that. 


I genuinely love my job. I genuinely enjoy the people I work with and the people I come in contact with through work. I have a nice apartment overlooking the courtyard. I can get everywhere in five or ten minutes. I have two wonderful children. I have a family that loves me and friends that do as well. I have more time for personal pursuits that I have in years. I get to wake up every morning and see what new adventure awaits me. I can choose to focus on the dark, shadowy parts of life or I can look for the beauty in every moment, the lesson in every letdown.

I think the pinball guy in "Waking Life" put it best when he said,"There's only one instance, and it's right now. And it's eternity." You can spend eternity in heaven or hell, purgatory or paradise. That's what free will is all about, you get to make the choices. You can choose to try and piss on my parade and beat me down with matters of consequence or you can come with me to buy and umbrella and a latte. Regardless of what you believe right in this moment in time, you still have a choice on how you are going to respond.

Contentment has nothing to do with belongings or status. It just has to do with you and your decisions. And this my friends is not a new or a New Age idea. One merely has to flip their Bible app to Philippians 4:11-13:

I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances. I know how to live humbly, and I know how to abound. I am accustomed to any and every situation — to being filled and being hungry, to having plenty and having need. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Do one thing today, my friend, that polishes your sparkliness, makes your heart happy, puts a smile on your face. Going forward, it is my prayer that we all find the joy of contentment in the rest of our lives.  

#BookReview of Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle:How to Break Free of Negativity And Drama by Doreen Virtue

If you know me, you definitely know. If you follow me, you have probably figured it out. I am a sucker for sparkle. So, it should be no surprise that when the opportunity presented itself for me to read "Don't Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle" I judged a book by its cover and dove right in.

Written by Doreen Virtue, author of the best-selling book Assertiveness for Earth Angels, this 248 page book is broken into three parts. Part one deals with the science, part two offers practical suggestions about how to regain your sparkle with part three helps you to sparkle around others. I found this book to be insightful, well-researched and genuine. I never felt that regaining my sparkle was unattainable nor at any point in the reading did I sense that I was not worthy of sparkle.

Admittedly, I did have difficulty with some of the science portion as well as some of the remedies. Although, I fully understand the chapter on "Histamine Addiction and Intolerance" and why some of the related remedies are what they, I guess I just don't know if I am quite sold on the validity of it all. Perhaps it's my own ego talking, perhaps it's just hard for me to wrap my head around why I have all these patterns and habits and food propensities am not necessarily as physically unhealthy as the science chapters lead me to believe I should be.

Overall, though, I thoroughly enjoyed the book. Ms. Virtue has a warm, engaging style that lends itself to discussing the darker sides of negativity and drama without leaving you feeling bogged down. With the ink barely, dry on my divorce papers, I am looking forward to utilizing the tools and methods outlined in the book to detox from the drama of the last three years of my life. This book really empowered me to continue to remain sensitive to my intuition and hopefully navigate or eliminate the unhealthy relationships in my life.

This book is currently available on Amazon in hard, soft and Kindle formats. Follow the link to pick up your copy today and get your sparkle back: http://amzn.to/29ZacC5

If you're going to San Francisco, you're gonna meet some gentle people there

Came home today from 4 days/5 nights in beautiful downtown San Francisco. I would post a picture from the trip but none, nada, zero, zilch, null set of my pictures saved to OneDrive. (Seriously Windows, seriously!)

I am probably going to write about my trip extensively over the next several days. Seriously so fantastic, not bragging, truly grateful for the journey made possible by the grace of God and my brother's loving-kindness.

I picked the title I did because it was my experience with my California trip.

I can't count on one hand the number of times I was hit on. It's good for the soul to be randomly complimented. Apparently, I have a fantastic ass, a beautiful smille, great legs and some kid on a fishing pier wants me to be his "sugar mama." It's flattering really that he perceived me as the kinda gal who could make that happen for him. The award for best line of the trip goes to a homeless gent in Tenderloin. It's the best line because oh honey if he only knew and him saying it is vindication. As I walked past, he said...I do not mean this with any disrespect but your husband is a lucky man with great taste because you are beyond sexy and you made my day just because you smiled at me.


I do smile at everyone. I can't help it. It's who I am. At my core, I am sparkly and shiny and I enjoy the adventure of life.



Speaking of adventure, one of the things I had the opportunity to do is attend Joel Osteen's America's Night of Hope at AT&T Park. I had planned my day to chill until late and then head to 21st Amendment Brewery for lunch then hanging out in the South Beach area. Soooooooooooo...

By Saturday, I had my thousand foot stare perfected. I blended beautifully with the natives. I was walking down Folsom toward my afternoon destinations. A voice next to me suddenly said,"You have beautiful toes." It was a female and a quick side glance prompted me to respond,"Thank you, I get that all the time." I do. No lie. I have people, complete strangers compliment my feet of all things all the time. Conversation ensued. This my friends should be the norm. Two people just having a fantastic conversation on 3rd and Folsom on a lazy August Saturday afternoon. There is hope for humanity after all. I am grateful for the time with that random stranger. Neither one of us offered name, rank or serial number. There was just one moment, that moment and it was she and I and God and nothing else mattered. She shared a story that completely blessed me. It was one of those "random" things. She didn't know me or my background but here she was telling me something about someone she knew and what happened to them and BOOM thank you God for that little wink. Seriously.

I have heard so many horror stories of Bay Area douchebaggery that I was totally prepared for that sorta of seething, smarminess that requires a full set of shots and full armor. Thank you San Francisco for being the San Francisco of the gentle people. Maybe next time I'll buy flowers on Union Square to put in my hair. Because there will be a next time...