The Quite Bearable Lightness of Being Sparkly

Just a little something I threw together for this post.

I just posted this on Facebook:
Wide awake with insomnia of contentment and too much iced tea...thinking about how much has changed since last year and getting another glass of tea and staying up to write all night. Couldn't tell you off hand the last time that happened but suffice it to say that it's been awhile.

It's true. I want to start writing a book. I still have some things to research so that I can tie all my little ideas together but I have officially put this book thing on my bucket list. I used to write a lot more than I do. Mostly for personal enjoyment but every little tiptoe into something more in-depth with it was generally met with positive feedback. I figure, if I get cracking at it now it could be released just in time for the 2017 holiday shopping season with the blockbuster movie released the next year.

I am quite content today. I wish I had really truly embraced the whole attitude is everything mantra earlier in life. I wish I had really fathomed once upon a time what it really mean to trust God and God's plan. I really wish I could bottle this and sell it. I suppose my second book could be how I got to here from where I was. I mean, to some degree, my core has always been sparkly I just could never sustain it for long because I was relying much too much on myself. Took a lot of dusting and polishing to get it where it is right now.

There were multiple moments today that showed me that I am different than I used to be and I am grateful for those moments. The one that most sticks out is the moment a co-worker walked by and exasperatedly said,"Is it time to go home yet?" I didn't step on the downward spiral and add weight to ride it down. I smiled and replied that is wasn't but it was a minute closer than it had been so that was something, right? I know it seems insignificant but once upon a time someone told me that if I was a Care Bear my name would be "Black Sunshine" because my sarcasm was hilarious and made people laugh but it wasn't necessarily motivating.

I see it too. The first time was about a month ago. I could see light in my eyes again. Other people are seeing now too. Not that I need the validation but the fact that others notice means that I am being consistent enough in the care and feeding of Jenny to produce results. I like that.

I can't sit here and say it's an easy task. Making the conscious decision to be the light, be positive, that's easy enough but once you make the statement to your soul you have to commit to the work. You have to be willing to sift through yourself, although some days it will feel more like a cut-and-burn operation. Proverbs 27:17 says in the I just adapted this to fit this blog version of the verse: As glitter sharpens glitter, so a man polishes the sparkle of his friend. (Probably upset the Baptist and the feminist with that one because I am just that awesome. But anyway...) I have been blessed to have some first-class glitter polishers and light shiners in my life. It helps. It helps a whole lot. In the process, I have found that am highly allergic to negativity and some days people's countenance, comments and crassness pierces me like nails on a chalkboard. Change begets change I guess. 

I am so much better than I was a year ago and you know what? That just makes me that much more excited for tomorrow but not to the expense of the best thing I have learned on this leg of my journey. One. Day. At. A. Time. Don't worry about tomorrow. Again, there is a learning curve there, but I am so one day at a time right now I expect Schneider to walk through my door to fix something. It doesn't mean you don't plan. It doesn't mean you don't dream. It doesn't mean you stop living. I have big plans and big dreams and I am living better than I have in years. It mean you change your focus. It means you identify what you truly want and have the boldness to walk away from things that are outside of that. 


I genuinely love my job. I genuinely enjoy the people I work with and the people I come in contact with through work. I have a nice apartment overlooking the courtyard. I can get everywhere in five or ten minutes. I have two wonderful children. I have a family that loves me and friends that do as well. I have more time for personal pursuits that I have in years. I get to wake up every morning and see what new adventure awaits me. I can choose to focus on the dark, shadowy parts of life or I can look for the beauty in every moment, the lesson in every letdown.

I think the pinball guy in "Waking Life" put it best when he said,"There's only one instance, and it's right now. And it's eternity." You can spend eternity in heaven or hell, purgatory or paradise. That's what free will is all about, you get to make the choices. You can choose to try and piss on my parade and beat me down with matters of consequence or you can come with me to buy and umbrella and a latte. Regardless of what you believe right in this moment in time, you still have a choice on how you are going to respond.

Contentment has nothing to do with belongings or status. It just has to do with you and your decisions. And this my friends is not a new or a New Age idea. One merely has to flip their Bible app to Philippians 4:11-13:

I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances. I know how to live humbly, and I know how to abound. I am accustomed to any and every situation — to being filled and being hungry, to having plenty and having need. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

Do one thing today, my friend, that polishes your sparkliness, makes your heart happy, puts a smile on your face. Going forward, it is my prayer that we all find the joy of contentment in the rest of our lives.  

What's In a Name: A Memory and Lesson in the Power of Our Words.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

What's in a name indeed! A friend sent me a text the other day that very succinctly outlined how to play a game with a narcissist. The long and the short of it, you don't. So much going on right now that I can not put into the public forum. It's not my heart to put out sensationalism and low common denominator stuff. That's what I text my girls for because they get it and it ends with them. My venting is not my heart and even them I am extremely careful about my words.

Words have power. Lots and lots of power and despite great advances in medicine, technology and the delivery of over a hundred beverage options from one fountain, human brains continue to not get it. Biblically, Proverbs tells us life and death is in the power of the tongue. Buddha tells us, "Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill."George Michael cautions,"Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend." Law of attraction, power of positive thinking, so much is out there about our words and how they affect us.

I am not a perfect practitioner of this. Lawd, if you heard some of the things I tell myself about myself some days you'd probably smack me as a matter of principle. But I do try to be mindful of this and work on being kinder to myself and others. What's got me on this jag starts with that text the other day and the winding path of the past couple of days. I remember when the initials that someone clung to for identity stood for something other than a horrible mental condition. When did that point come when this personal identifier stopped being about detox and started being about disorder? How has every day since then shaped the outcome of life? There's a story in all that. A sad one but I keep hoping that the ending is happy.

I guess today friends I am just keenly aware of words and the actions that follow them and how they can create or destroy peace. I am keenly aware of the truth in being careful what you attach your "I Am" to. I am more aware than I care to be about how people stop speaking life into other people and the decline that follows. I wish people would quit being so mean and unforgiving and judgmental and gossipy about each other. Especially when they say they are family, friends, lovers, whatever.

Detox is so much better than disorder but it takes work.

Just something to think about.

Be well until next time friends.

All it takes is one.

Some one once asked me about my blogging habit. Specifically, by what criteria did I consider it "successful". My answer? One hit. One hit a day is all it takes to make me happy. They thought that was stupid. They thought I should be striving for big numbers and world-wide blogging fame.

For the record, there are many more hits a day than one. And this blog has had steady growth over the past year. I am completely thrilled and thankful for all the silent and not so silent readers out there.

I have been more sporadic than normal in the past couple weeks because of life. Some how the time I carved out for me has been eaten by the monster called Motherhood. Not complain' just sayin'... and things are starting to get normalized as far as my hubby's new job so I believe I will be getting back on track.

If you have ever really looked at the sidebars and what not of this blog, you'll notice that I chose to highlight a quote other than the Lao Tzu quote that contains the blog title. No, I chose Emerson:

To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children ...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.

I chose it because I think it says what most of us think about success in life.

I know a lot of people who would read that and deem it an impossible task. I fell into that group once upon a time. It took me a long time that  you can't just set the world on fire quickly and easier than you can start your campfire with the biggest log available. No, you start small if you want it to last. Your starters, your kindling, your patience, and sometimes a lot of matches.

Who will you help to laugh today? Whose respect will you win? How will you endure yourself to the children around you?

Will you leave the world a better place? Will one life have breathed easier because of you?

Just answer yes. Believe that the answer is yes, and enjoy the ride my friend because everything else is just details. And if you need a little extra assurance, the fact that you are reading this means the world to me, so you are already on your way to finding your success!