If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Thursday, July 21, 2016

For once, for once, for once I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?

Originally written 7/5/16
Well. Yeah. So I think last I wrote I was going to do some major renovations, etcetra, etcetra

Tonight, in some strange full disclosure, I am lounging in my undies with all my jewelry still on. I have had a great day. Seriously. But 100% maybe because I am 100% focused on the positives. And I keep repeat playing this song. Oh, who are we both kidding, I am belting it out like I am some sort of diva. On a label like Fueled By Ramen, it HAS to be good. No joke. I find bands and then find they are on Fueled By Ramen and have a totally well duh moment.

Sooooo, yeah, no, seriously, repeat play.

I had something going on. A prospect, if you will. After a planning meeting, yeah, that a planning meeting, something felt off to me. I pushed it out of my head and the next day in not thinking about it, this song haunted me.

This. Yes, this. "For once, for once, for once I get the feeling that I'm right where I belong Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?"  It hit me like a huge load of bricks. And the question was, in fact begged, why am I the one always packing up my stuff?

I have been remiss with the play by play. Sorry. But know, friends, that the undercurrent has produced this wave where I find myself asking this question. Why? Why am I the one always packing up my stuff?

It's a shitty realization. That realization that..once again,,,you were more "all-in", more willing to make sacrifices. Why? Seriously, why am I the one who is always packing up my stuff?

No, really.

And I know I am the one because for 22 year I didn't drawn clear boundaries. So watch me as I get out my super broad Sharpie and go to town harder than Harold with that purple crayon of his.

Admittedly, where I am is not glamorous or red carpet but it is what it is and I know as of like five days ago I fully resent any person, place or thing that stands in judgement  again me and my Dayton.I have a long-standing love/hate relationship with the Gem City. I will fully admit that. Regardless, it is where I am at and the Eight Ball says that the outlook is hazy as to any future relocation.

Begin current commentary...

I didn't originally post this because I had gotten called away from posting and just didn't get back to it. It happens. A lot with me. I have a completely irregular work schedule, a scattered life, exhaustion and a myriad of other things keeping me from getting back on my A game.

I don't know why I am always the one packing up my stuff. Well, not anymore. If I go anywhere anytime soon it's going to be the much sought after Orchard Park neighborhood. (Really that should be in quotes because it was from a rental recording I had listened to once upon a time.) The town I grew up in a close second, but in the long run Orchard Park wins because it's kinda the same thing without having to relive childhood trauma. But I am getting off track here.

I have always been made fun of to some extent for my relying on gut feelings and intuition.



I am right where I belong.

I am a piece in a rather mammoth Jenga puzzle. Pull me and other pieces aren't as supported and the whole deal crumbles.

Besides I no longer own a suitcase for all my stuff and I fully see that I can't go all in on anyone who isn't all it with God.

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