If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Monday, January 24, 2011

Seven Songs for a Monday Meltdown

These are in no particular order, at least, I don't think they are :)

1. NeverShoutNever-Sacreligious
If you've never met Christopher Drew, you most likely do not have a teenaged girl in your life. The first time I heard this is I was pleasantly surprised because it did not take the turn that I thought it would. The song is penned by Mr.Drew in response to his having been kicked out of church at age 16. I used to feel that same way a lot. I don't anymore. It's a nice feeling.

2. Cowboy Mouth - Jenny Says Some day, I will seriously work on my compilation of songs with my name in them and this song will be high on the list. On a day like today it is nice to be reminded to "Let it go, let it go, let it go!"

3.Spoon - Got Nuffin
I like Spoon. Is there any other reason needed?

4. JJ Fad - SupersonicWhy? Because you haven't heard this song in ages. If you are of a certain age, then this song makes smile. I see you bopping your head and remembering those simpler times at the skating rink already. If not, sorry maybe next time.

5. Rickie Byars Beckwith with the Gateway to Agape Choir- We Let It Be
This a recording of a rehearsal.  There are more dynamic versions on CD and that have been performed by others but this is still every bit as calming and beautiful. The Balls of Fire Gospel Choir at Unity of Dayton performed this a few months back. I hadn't heard it before then, but since I've probably burned it permanently into my soul.

6. Smosh - Firetruck
My daughter shared this with me the other day and I have it stuck in my head. Complete silliness comes in handy during a meltdown.

7. Quiet Riot- Bang Your Head
Why? Why after such a lovely list would I pick this song as my number seven song for a Monday meltdown? Distractions and stress management are fine but sometimes the best course of action is to feel your feelings. You'll feel better for it in the long run to admit that there is an issue that to try and stuff it down. I know not everyone likes metal, but lemme tell you it can be very therapeutic.

Today has felt like a consortium of Jenny haters have gathered to stick Voodoo dolls of me while they sit around my burning effigy campfire and chant incantations intended to firetruck me up. There are a few specific things, but I am trying not to dwell on them. I can't pretend I understand anything about my life anymore. I don't have any profound insights or gems of wisdom or nuggets of truth to share with anyone these days. But I've got a vast, eclectic and ever growing music catalog in my heads and maybe that is enough to keep me from going completely crazy.

Who knows anymore!

Monday, January 17, 2011

On authenticity and dirty feet

I am sitting here biding my time before we pick up my bro and head to the matinee hockey game.

Yesterday, at church we discussed the second commitment which is based on the second commandment. The commandment is Exodus 20:4, Thou shalt not make unto the a graven image. The commitment is to authenticity and living and behaving in a way that is in line with your core values.

A timely piece of the lesson was the mentioning of Mark 6:11: And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, leave that place and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them. If you are you which is all you can be, and people can not or will not accept you, then move on. Don't waste time trying to be everything to everyone because ultimately, it's yourself and your goodness that you lose. 

Flash ahead to our late night Caribou run. We were listening to the Allen Hunt show, and one of the topics of discussion was about friends and people's disbelief at his stating that he had seven good friends that he could count on. The impetus for this a sad story of a woman who posted on her Facebook status that she was going to kill herself and not a single person who read it reached out to help her. 

What does one have to do with the other? I would have to say that I do not have many friends. Even more so since when Allen Hunt was talking about the ways he could rely on his friends, I can't say that I have people outside of my husband, a couple of family members, and an old friend who can be counted on in the same way. We have tried to reach out and make connections, but always with such resistance. You would think we were asking people to come club seal pups or something. So, when I heard Jesus' advice, it really resonated with me. I'm a good person, as is my husband and our children, and we individually and collectively have a lot to share and this right here is me dusting my feet of all those people for whom we are not worthy. 

I have for sometime contemplated taking my FB down to people who would actually give a damn. It would probably be a short list, and I am okay with that because I have always felt that life should be about quality and not quantity. Ironically, in many aspects I do have both. 

To be yourself
in a world
that is constantly
trying to make you 
something else
is the greatest
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

Saturday, January 15, 2011

With a little help from our friends...

Today, I have been made aware of a site called IndieGoGo. A friend of mine is trying to raise some money to buy a chair to expand her massage business. Much like a public broadcasting campaign, you can choose a little something at each level or you can just give without getting anything.

Check it out:  IndieGoGo: Red Lotus Massage

Thursday, January 13, 2011

More sleeping...

And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God, and new-created.
~D.H. Lawrence

This sleeping idea is on my mind a lot lately. Literally, because of my own lack of sleep. My son's new habit of rising early and running and gunning full steam without a nap coupled with what seems to be a screwed up sleep cycle is really taking a toll.

Last night, I had the strangest dream. Well, most of them these days are strange and somewhat disturbing but upon waking I have very little recall of the specifics. Last night though, I dreamt about the church I grew up in and visiting there as an adult. The outside was the Market Street building, but inside it was something in line with the Crystal Cathedral of Hour of Power fame. I had to wade through people to find a seat in the back. I recognized so many people and no one recognized me. It was interesting because it wasn't just people who would have been adults when I was a kid that I recognized but also my peers. No one really paid attention to me until I happened to notice fire shooting out of a vent. Someone was able to douse it with water and put it out and everyone got out safely BUT the fire roared up again and the whole place burned down. People were trying to call 911 but no one was successful. Weird, weird stuff...I have my suspicions what it all means but feel free to add your own interpretations. 

I have been scrubbing leads all morning. It's oddly fascinating work...compiling and paring down a list of prospects based on certain criteria. It will be even more fascinating work when things start closing! I should have pursued some sort of research position when I was younger. I really have a sick love of data and inference. Couple that with my penchant for remembering things, and I should have have the internet memorized in the next couple of months. 

I heard this morning that something like 69% of the country got hit with snow earlier this week. I personally love snow. For me, it is peaceful and exhilarating at the same time. I don't know about you, but in this house when the weather kills our motivation for going out our movie watching increases. I have been thinking about the Guy Ritchie movie Revolver a lot over the past week or two. I can't really tell you why without giving away a lot of the plot. Here's the trailer:


I would have never thought that I would have liked it, but I do. I really do. Check it out if you get a chance, you may find you like it too!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Get Up! You're Asleep at the Wheel!

You pay a toll to get to heaven but on the road to hell there's none
Get up you're asleep at the wheel 
Bloodhound Gang
"Asleep at the Wheel"

Crazy, crazy week here in the den! Lots to be grateful for, like the meester (FINALLY) getting his Roland Vs, my insane book buying, Attic loving teens and general tomfoolery. He found the the Roland Vs on Craigslist and we had to drive out to the middle of nowhere to get them. (Seriously, if you are from these parts and know where Hetzler Road is, go down that road and don't turn 'til you're about to fall off the end of the Earth). If you don't know Roland Vs are electronic drums and they are far superior to the Yahama set that he used to have. Craigslist is alright...if you aren't doing business on this town's west end. 

Anyway, we ended up pretty ill that night for some reason. Still can't pinpoint a cause, but for future reference pray not to vomit BEFORE you pray for a return to health. Couldn't have that one both ways, and it really quite sucked. 

Ah, the insane book buy! I ordered a three books from Amazon: 

The Ten Commitments: Translating Good Intentions into Great Choices by David Simon 
because it is the book that the next ten weeks of Sundays revolves around. I have finished it already. It was pretty good. It looks at the Ten Commandments and translates each commandment into a commitment that we should make to ourselves. Sunday with Nancy was great and I am honestly looking forward to the next nine Sundays.

Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robbins and Joe Dominquez
My husband heard about this somewhere and we epically failed to find it locally so we ordered it. I have read two chapters. It's pretty heady stuff but it's where we are to be honest. The soul (sic) purpose of the book is to have you take a good hard look at where you are and where you want to be and what makes you tick and DO something about it it. It recommends reading the book through before commencing the exercises, so it may be awhile before I get to that part simply because being married sorta forces me to have to do the exercises with my husband. I mentally ticked through one of the exercises and felt pretty good about where we are. It has you inventory your belongings, your debts, etc and come up with the most accurate net worth statement you can. Who knew right around zero could feel sooo good!

Mustaine: A Heavy Metal Memoir by Dave Mustaine and Joe Layden
I needed a couple of bucks to get Super Saver Shipping. This book is currently being read by the other half with great fervor. I will also read it. I always thought Mustaine was dreamy.  

Then, I ordered from the Unity publisher's closeout sale.
I ordered 25 items at a grand cost of $38.50. I am not going to list them out but suffice it to say I won't be bored over the next several months.

Onto being asleep...

I dunno...that's where I see people. Asleep. Or distracted. Where did we get to this place in society where we are overwrought with children? When exactly did people STOP taking responsibility for themselves and replace any shred of human decency with this expectation that other people are to blame for your lack?

Aside from the big news that I am not going to give any further power to, because it only serves to further erode things, I have been privy to a few things in my real life that have me wondering how many sane people are left in this universe. It is really interesting to me the things that people cling to anymore. Ego is everything I suppose.

I have pretty much always been a pain in people's back sides with my questions and my skepticism.  I have for the most part lived my life from a place that most people could never imagine and I now find myself wanting to scream,"Don't buy in! Don't buy in!" In vain, though, because the people I am screaming that too are too smart and know far too much to be bothered with Truth. It is really sad to me how wrapped up in things that do not matter that perfectly intelligent people  get yoked to...

Sigh, what the fuck is wrong with the world!

What's worse is that there is a large faction of people who seek to vilify anyone who relies on a power higher than themselves. I will admit long ago I was one of those people. I could not separate the God that I know and love from the Christianity that has him so distorted. It's good though, you know, NOT having to rely on yourself to get things done. It's sad that people are the way they are.

Ironically, for the first time in my life I am some where WHERE I DO want to shout it from the rooftops. Unity. Sweet, sweet, unity.  Where ever you are on your spiritual path... except that we are not a proselytizing bunch so I can do nothing but digress. Well, that, and say that my experience thus far is EVERYTHING that I have ALWAYS felt a spiritual community should be!

For those of you local to me, I have NO qualms about suggesting you check out Unity of Dayton. I have experienced nothing but LOVE there and everyone is welcome NO MATTER where they may be on their spiritual journey.

If you aren't local to me, I would encourage you to check out the Unity website. Unity is a beautiful thing. If you are already devoted to a church, it's okay! Everything that Unity espouses will only amplify your current beliefs. Unity is based on the teachings of Jesus and the power of prayer but respects the universal truths in all religions and the individual's spiritual quest.

My heart can't keep this in any longer. I worried for the longest time about what my friends would think, but if me being me means that they do not like me than really they were not friends in the first place!! Unity is everything that I have thought my WHOLE life! God the GOOD, practicing what we preach. It is more me than most people seem to realize.

Sigh, I unfortunately feel that most people because of their fears will be alienated rather than inspired. Because Ego is everything these days so many people have fallen deaf to the Truth and live rather empty lives. I see so much pain in so many people around me and there is nothing I can do but pray.

I would really encourage anyone in my area to come check out Unity of Dayton on some Sunday. Or on some other day we have something going on. There is so much good there, and so many good people. Trust me! I would not be there if there was anything less than love and truth.

Okay, so there I made people uncomfortable about things for the first time in my life. Not worried, if you are uncomfortable when people speak of higher powers and great love then that is on you. The universe is abundant and forgiving and if you are not a part of that then you are really missing out.


Sunday, January 2, 2011

Happy New Year

Lots and lots going on since the last time I posted. Friday ended up being quite a busy day. Since it was fairly warm, we took the baby to the park in the morning to blow off steam. Since it was still fairly warm in the afternoon, we headed out to the bark park. Not sure what was going on up there, but it didn't look fun so we spent about an hour at Englewood Reserve, er, Metropark, er whatever they call themselves these days.

I almost thought that we weren't going to make it to church for the Burning Bowl Ceremony. I had never been to one...or so I thought. It's pretty similar to what I used to accomplish with a large vase and a lighter when I was younger. After some time of reflection, you write down what you are going to leave behind you as the new year begins. If you are interested in listening to service, it should appear here pretty soon.

I really enjoyed it. I certainly felt a lot lighter afterward.

We rang in the New Year at home, and then I drifted off to sleep to the comedy stylings of Jim Gaffigan.  "Oh, that's not right."

As good as Friday was Saturday seemed to be trying to pull me down. Luckily, it didn't. We had a date with the Dayton Gems and all the fun that came with being Stick Kid of the Game.

My husband's band, NPD, played last night but I didn't get to go to the show. 

This morning in church, we had a white stone ceremony. It's a pretty cool thing. Inspired by Revelation 2:17.
Again, there is a time of meditation, reflection and divine inspiration. The idea is that if you were really listening to God, then you know what your work is for this year so to speak. I listened, and I wouldn't go as far as calling God crazy. Well, maybe I would, God and I go way back and sometimes we tease. Anyway, I know what I heard isn't something that the human me would set as an intention for the year, so this will be an interesting year. 

Until we meet again, my friends, take care!