If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

These things have always been the same

I am tired tonight. Which seeing as it is night is a good thing, I suppose. I came downstairs just because I didn't feel tired. So apparently I am crazy too.

Someone posted something Knopfler in their feed tonight which lead to me listening to "Romeo and Juilet" which led to me listening to "Why Worry" not just one but three versions. Wembley '85, Prince's Trust '09 and this version I have posted.

I am in a weird place.

I do try to go with the flow. Be one of those folks who looks at life like one giant Magic 8-ball that always comes up "All Signs Point to Yes." Lemonaid out of lemons, the whole shebang and all that jazz.

There is such a state of cognitive dissonance, I can't even tell you. Just as a for an example...this job thing as I have begun to call it. It's a total mind fuck. People tell me not to take it personally but the judgement is on me. It's hard to keep up the ol' self esteem when you can't find acceptance anywhere. Having been privy to so many wonderful cattle calls and other group nonsense lately, I have come to a conclusion. It wasn't a jump. It was pretty well thought out and it is, all things being equal, the most logical answer. I am not an eastside slag.

I know it sounds mean but it is the one very discernible difference at these laughable excuses for evaluation my worth as an employee. What's really sad is that it has almost always been this way. Despite what people may think, I am not conceited or delusional. I really do know as much about everything as I say I do. I've never been a one-trick pony and last time I checked the only thing in life that was "rocket science" is rocket science.

It's just frustrating to see how sad the world is around here. And by here I mean the Miami Valley at large. I applied for a billing job at this place downtown last week, and the whole I sat filling out the app, I looked around and wondered if I should bother. I clearly didn't fit in there either.

People will say to look for the same and not focus on the differences. It's impossible. I used cognitive dissonance off the top of my head for chrissake! A lot of those are the same people who always told me that being smart would pay off eventually, and by eventually I think they meant at death.

I posted "Why Worry" because I like it. Because I put it on a CD I made for my husband. Because I put it on our wedding rotation. Because I forgot how much I love that song. I posted it for me but there is nothing deeply profound I have to say about it. The song that would be a better accompaniment is Remy Ma's "Conceited". I couldn't bring myself to post the original and I can't find a mash up of it that I think is titled,"I Wanna Be Conceited Non-Stop"

So there I've gone again and proved Bill Shakespeare right about life. Night all...

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