If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. ~Bob Hope

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

I'm thinking of things that I just can't abide

Heh, I am of an age where the word "abide" makes me think of the Dude. I don't really care for that movie but hey, at least I got the reference for it.

Another small victory for Jenkind is that in searching for the video to go with this post, I decided to search for my personal Holy Grail which is an old SNL sketch about parliament. And I found it here heeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

Today has been fantastic. That is my story and I am sticking to it. At some point, I did find myself preaching to myself. Over and over saying, it's not a setback, it's a setup. Over and over reminding myself that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Reminding myself because well, I was thinking things that I just can't abide. So yes, at some point, this song popped into my head.

I truly don't understand how things in my life are playing out right in this moment. I have to keep repeating things I know to be true because I 100% do not have any natural understanding of what is going on or why things are playing out like they are or if this is new normal and I missed the memo. I know it to be patently false that the darkside has cookies, so I try to avoid it at all costs.

I have been believing that God works all things to the good of those who love him. I have been believing that God makes all things new. I have been believing that I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

I ask Him to direct my steps, He says be still.

It's the hardest lesson ever. I am ready, willing and able to do so much more but He says wait. Don't look left or right, but look right at Me he says. Some days it is so easy to do. Today, not so much. It is what it is and it will pass. I struggle with anger at this whole situation, these circumstances. I don't want to be still. I want everything to be better. I want to wake up with a heart that doesn't hurt anymore.

I want to see what the setup was for. I want to see the goodness of the Lord. I want to get to shore so I can stop swimming.

I want everything to come into perfect alignment.

Maybe today...

Maybe today...

But until then, I am just going to roll with it.

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