I am really grateful for the way that God has provided for me and my family...especially this year. I am grateful that He has used my husband, my friends, my family, my church, and several random strangers to bless me this year. I have everything I need today. I have a roof over my head, food in the cupboard, clothes on my back, transportation and a lil bit o extra cash to splurge on a Chic Fil A lunch today. What I am about to say is not at all about lack per se or any perceptions thereof. It is about fully recognizing that you gotta do what you can so that God can do what you can't. Well, at least, that is how I feel about it.
It has been a very interesting year for me personally, professionally, spiritually and in just about every other -ly you can think of. All the pieces of my life are splayed out like some sort of insanely complicated connect the dot puzzle. Some things feel like the end of the world but I know in my core that the stock market always goes up, the sun always rises, kitty cats always land on their feet and God is always on time.
As I have been on this leg of my journey, my disdain for systems has been reinforced. Legal system, welfare system, two-party system, System of a Down...disappointments at best. Ten thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean is a good start! I have now found a group of people who listen less to me and disrespect me more than my own children. I try not to be snarky or jaded or confrontational. I really do. BUT. Um. Yeah. I digress.
Like MC Hammer, I realize that we got to pray just to make it today, so I do. It's not a magic genie or a cash machine. So, I have prayed and I continue to pray and I will pray about this whole situation that some days makes me want to randomly text those who stand by me with "Jane! Get me off this crazy thing!"
I started the year makin' magic at Macy's. I pounded the pavement. I started a Master's degree program. I let go of a lot of things. I seriously considered panhandling. My health prohibited me from plasma. I sold just about every CD and DVD that belonged to me. Yes, even most of my beloved Tom Waits collection. I kept on keeping on. I kept on swimming. I am not at Macy's anymore. I have a new job with real potential. As quickly as my graduate career started, it ended due to a family emergency and in it's wake an administrative issue put a roadblock in re-enrollment. Oh, and that whole lawyer issue, ugh. Good year. Bad year. I don't know.
So, the culmination of all this stuff is that I find myself as if I am in a place where I need to go zero to sixty and I need to do it yesterday. It's part of what got me back into writing this again. When I don't write, it all stays in my brain and manifest in strange ways like thinking that maybe the Backstreet Boys are a good band. There is potential in my job but it's a sales job on a big ticket item that is not an impulse purchase so there is a whole pipeline to build up and patience to hone. There's little sides too like Celadon Road and Thrive and one more am contemplating. I like the Celadon products and heaven knows I need to keep busy so I took a leap there and opened shop at http://www.myceladonroad.com/MYGREENHEAVEN/ knowing that every little bit helps and that at the very least the discount on my personal purchases will help me out. I am not "Thrive"ing right now but I do recommend it the products and can vouch for the energy so if you are looking for something like that go explore at http://findyournew.le-vel.com/.
Then there is that whole sending money thing. I have at points in the last year considered writing compelling copy for a crowdfunding campaign. Ah, but there's my whole not wanting to give credence to some people, places and things in my life and a bit about privacy and yeah, to some degree if I told you everything you wouldn't believe me any way. It's been a Big Fish kinda year but The Great One says that you miss 100% of the shots you don't take so... if you want to just sent money follow this link: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=47QQ2N97YGG48
People, a lot lot lot of people, keep asking what they can do to help me. Pray is always my first answer but may be I don't have what I need because I have been too ashamed, too embarrassed, too prideful to ask. That being said, small bills, non-sequential, just slip them under the crack in the garage door or leave them in the mailbox.
