So much goes on, I really wish that some sort of brain wave to text translator had been perfected. It's who we are I guess, and I'm thankful.
I just wish sometimes that I had the time to sit down and type out the things running through my head. I hate to think that I am the only one on the face of the Earth that finds me remotely entertaining. Seriously, I find me pretty funny. The downside is that no one else seems to get me. I hate that, constantly having to explain every sentence I utter. Not even the humor, some days it seems like if I say it's a pretty day or that was a good lunch that I have to fully explain with no less than two visual aids what I mean by that statement.
All that really does is lead to me feeling whole-heartedly dissatisfied and a bit on the outside. I know I speak fluent English but a lot of times anymore I feel like Joe in Idiocracy. In case you've never seen that, that means that my shits all retarded and I talk like a fag. Sad, but from where I am living that movie is a pretty fair reflection of the disintegration of society.
I was going to go all out and actually "give up" something meaningful for Lent this year. Never happened. The best God is going to get out of me is going through the Lenten booklet from church, because to be completely frickin' honest I am totally back into a doubting corner. What does anything have to do with anything? Why does everything seem completely futile? Why am I even bothering to type this if no one is reading? And couldn't divine intervention or a call from God really be an untreated high fever?
Seriously, I know it pisses some people off, but this is where I am. How am I supposed to look at my entire life and be able to seriously give any credence to a higher power. I am a bit in whatever mode. And even that is a bit confusing as I think of Mark Houston talking about whatever as a spiritual thing.
Sigh.....
I really don't know anything about nothing. It's altogether liberating and terrifying. Maybe it's not too late to give up total control for Lent and fly by the seat of my pants and see where that gets me. I'm sure it will be far I just hope it leaves time to get the kitchen clean.
TWMA,
J
